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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a little bit of a send off when I go on maternity leave?

66 replies

DancingHat · 22/05/2015 16:18

It's my second baby and after the first I was presented with a bunch of flowers, a few little things like sleep suits and bibs and a card signed by my team.

In leaving again today and got...a card. I feel a bit let down they've not made even a little bit of effort with a bunch of flowers or a little outfit or something. It feels a bit greedy to want something the second time round too but just a little something would have been nice. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ilovenannyplum · 22/05/2015 17:10

I'm going to go against the majority and say YANBU.
why should your second baby be less deserving of a present than your first?
I'm not grabby before anyone accuses me of being so!

BarbarianMum · 22/05/2015 17:13

YABU Second babies are not interesting to anyone except immediate family (although, yes, it comes as a bit of a shock to find that out). I guess there has to be an end to it somewhere and honestly, how much more baby stuff do you need?

Mrsderekshepard · 22/05/2015 17:14

We have a rule that you only get a baby basket for your first child, some have got 4,5 children so it's unfair to expect the same fuss for each baby.
Uabu.

frikadela01 · 22/05/2015 17:16

A fuddle is a little party where everyone brings a bit of something in... also sometimes called a Jacobs join. Where I've worked there's usually a few people who are prticulalry famous for something like their lemon drizzle cake or their quiches and they inevitably get asked to bring that. We usually have them when people leave and at Christmas.

Back to op YABU to expect something but anbu to feel a little sad.

Phoenix0x0 · 22/05/2015 17:19

eithad

I hear you!

I adopted and didn't even get a card.....I had worked there for 13 years!

Although, I ultimately had the last laugh and the best gift anyone could have bought.

After being on adiotion leave, I decided to resign and was put on gardening leave......sweet Grin

Welshmaenad · 22/05/2015 17:23

YANBU in my view. Second babies are just as wanted, precious and loved as first babies, even if your cervix is a bit more elastic. I can see the sense in assuming you gave lots of baby things from baby one, but I doubt the flowers are still alive, and you're about to leave for a year, I would personally have asked everyone to chuck in a quid for a lovely bouquet for the expectant mum at the very least.

JackSkellington · 22/05/2015 17:31

YABU, you got a card...

Littlemonstersrule · 22/05/2015 17:48

Card only for subsequent pregnancies at most places I've worked.

If colleagues organise something for the first its nice but employers already have to find cover, train WTC so to them it's a nuisance not a big event.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 22/05/2015 17:57

I had a premature baby so never got to even clear my desk so I'm always a bit envious of cards / presentations. Not in a grabby way, just it's another term baby thing I missed out on. At least you got something both times, that's nice of them. But I know how you feel about second babies - no one seems to care!

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 22/05/2015 18:12

I had a huge collection/presents/send off for my first, then a slightly smaller present/send off for my second 3 years later (same workplace) but would have been happy without the second 'do' as they made a huge fuss of the first (& the second was right before a school inspection so everyone was VERY tense! I'd rather have just sneaked out the back!)

TheCatsMother99 · 22/05/2015 18:12

Ethihad and Phoenix, I feel sad for you that your friends/colleagues can't recognise how exciting that is/was for you & how equally special it was for you.

imwithspud · 22/05/2015 18:16

I don't think anyone is suggesting that second babies aren't as wanted, loved and precious as first babies, just that generally people outside of the family and close friends circle just aren't as interested after the first time, it's nothing personal. Just that the majority of the time the novelty wears off for those who let's face it aren't going to play a major role in the child's life. It would be lovely if everyone was enthusiastic over every pregnancy ever but that's life. Women have babies all the time.

MissDuke · 22/05/2015 18:24

I suppose it depends how many different 'occasions' occur regularly requiring a whip around. My colleagues were amazing when I had my three maternity leaves (over the course of about 8 years). I got a massive pile of stuff hand delivered to us at home with each baby. So thoughtful and lovely. Also a nice card and maybe a candle/flowers or whatever for me prior to the birth.

I am not there anymore, and currently we have our first maternity leave coming up in my current work and we have planned a baby shower, decorations, snacks, cupcakes, lots of little personal presents - the full shebang.

Maybe we are just a bit over excited though Grin

clearlyaplasticgonome · 22/05/2015 20:18

A colleague is going on ML next Friday. Her second baby but first since she joined our organisation. We are planning to have tea and cakes and a card and send flowers when the baby is born.
Is that wrong?

imwithspud · 22/05/2015 20:36

Of course not Clearly, why would it be? It's not wrong to want to celebrate the arrival of a new baby, it could be argued that it's somewhat wrong for a pregnant woman to 'expect' it though. For me it's a case of, it's lovely if people want to make a fuss, but no skin off my nose if not.

BlinkAndMiss · 22/05/2015 20:37

YANBU to feel a bit disappointed, I've had nothing either. But when it's your second it's not really a big deal for anyone else.

GrrrrrBear · 22/05/2015 21:22

Sorry but it's another YABU from me. You got a card. Cards are nice. Smile

I'm not a fan of work place collections.

Roseotto · 22/05/2015 21:35

I'm the opposite - I prefer no fuss. Hate the fact of people feeling obliged to give money. Reasonable enough to hope they will sign a card but a bit much to expect a gift - what if you have a third or fourth? where do you draw the line?

Wantsunshine · 22/05/2015 21:40

Really? Just be happy that you get ML. You sound very precious.

Apricota · 22/05/2015 22:03

YABU

BikeRunSki · 22/05/2015 22:07

I didn't even get a card second time. By this time I was team leader and usually asked someone in the team to organise wedding/baby/40th stuff. I guess I hadn't trained my team enough to think of my leaving themselves.

TedAndLola · 22/05/2015 22:26

I don't understand why flowers are better than a card? They have thought about you, someone has gone out and bought a card, the rest have written down their good wishes for you to leave with. Why would flowers, which will die within a week, be better than that?

Silverdaisy · 22/05/2015 22:32

Bikerunski, perhaps your mistake was to ask others to organise birthday stuff for the team. Why as team leader did you not do it?

BikeRunSki · 22/05/2015 22:39

Because as TL I could delegate!

swimmerforlife · 22/05/2015 22:50

YABU.

I don't mind having a collection for first babies but there are enough bloody collections at my work as it is (50th, retirement, engagement, wedding, leaving do etc etc) without adding second / third babies on.

Also normally the novelty has worn off by 2nd baby. Just be grateful you got a card. When I went off on mat leave with DS (DC1) I only got a card and a couple of small baby things, not even flowers. Which is fine by me as I get hay fever Grin