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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if this is fair?

102 replies

cleoteacher · 20/05/2015 23:55

I was chatting to a friend who works for the MOD and has a 2.5 yo like me. We were talking about the high cost of childcare and she let slip how much she pays for childcare.

I was really shocked to find she pays a small amount more than me for the MOD nursery. Her dd goes there full time 8-6 and gets three meals a day whereas my ds goes 2 days a week to a childminder and gets two meals aday and she only pAys about £200 more than me.

I couldn't help myself to say what a bargain she was getting and left it at that.

But it did get me thinking whether this is fair? I am assuming the nursery is heavily funded by the government and so the tax payer. I know she is a tax payer too but can't help questioning the fairness of it.

OP posts:
FlumptyDumpty · 21/05/2015 09:25

Absolutely ChasedByBees.

hettie · 21/05/2015 09:27

People who work in the public sector are not individual charities you know... I could get double what I earn had a taken a simialr but private sector route. People make choices about jobs/careers based on what motivates them.their values/what works for their family etc. If you want a job with lots of benefits and a good salary look at your current skills and the job market and work out how you would get there....hth

Pippa12 · 21/05/2015 11:24

I wouldn't drive yourself crackers about it- tbh it makes you sound like a jealous person. Just think... that's great for them! Enjoy your lovely children and lovely home and happily live alongside people with their ups and downs x

arethereanyleftatall · 21/05/2015 11:45

Yabu.
I will never ever understand why people complain about others jobs and their salaries/perks. If you think it sounds better than yours, then do it!

Original poster
cleoteacher · 21/05/2015 14:28

Never said I wanted her to loose out and never said the benefit should be taken away. Actually I am not jealous at all as wouldn't want her job anyway as it's high stress and no work/life balance. But I guess that is why the nursery is so heavily funded as people have said to keep her there. I am actually a very 'suck it up' person and don't have envy of others, it just got be thinking really.

Still think bit of a OTT benefit though. Not sure such a massive saving needs to be given. Do nhs staff get this benefit? Do other public sector people get it too? Those people saying it's a private versa public sector argument clearly haven't read my posts. I work in the public sector myself so it simply isn't the case.

I understand different companies have didn't benefits but they are funded by the profit from that company not by government funds.

If you read the title I am not asking if it's fair or not I am saying I was thinking about the fairness of it when other public sector workers are not given this. I feel this is a massive inneccesary perk, such a massive reduction isn't really needed is it? but as everyone thinks it's unreasonable to even to wonder if it's fair then I guess it is fair. Guess as someone said the costs of the nursery itself would be much lower than a private one hence charges too.

Will find it hard to hold my tongue if she ever moans about the cost of childcare though.

OP posts:
Original poster
cleoteacher · 21/05/2015 14:30

Ps not really intended to be complaining more shocked at how heavily reduced the rates are. As I said I knew they were reduced but not by that much.

OP posts:
AtomicDog · 21/05/2015 14:54

You also have to factor in that her child is FT, while yours is only 2 days- there's always a hefty discount for a full week, regardless of the nursery being subsidised.

I love the way you assume that anyone on over £30k doesn't need any perks!

Good post chasedbybees

GunShotResidue · 21/05/2015 15:17

cleo did you read my posts? I have friends who work in the nhs on a shift rotation and, whilst it is stressful and there are downsides to their jobs, it's much easier for them to sort out childcare than it is for the friends I have that work for the MOD (or that it would be for me and DH if I was to go back to work).

yeahyeahyeahmama · 21/05/2015 15:24

I have to say i agree, why is the govt wasting money (all of our money) on childcare for their own that can afford it & the rest of us are facing cuts & financial strain?!

CultureSucksDownWords · 21/05/2015 15:49

Your heading says "Aibu to wonder if this is fair?", so it's a bit odd to be saying you aren't questioning the fairness of it!

And as I said before, it isn't about whether it's "fair". Pay and employer benefits are different in all different types of jobs. It's not a question of "fair", they offer a salary and a related package of benefits to those who can do the job and want to do it.

And for someone who says you don't want your friend to lose her part of her employment packet, you are certainly going on a lot about how you think it shouldn't be happening.

It would be great if other public sector employees could offer such benefits to their staff too. If you care a lot about this, then get involved in campaigning for it. Similarly if you think it is a flagrant waste of public money, then write to your local MP, newspaper, start a Facebook group or whatever. And tell your friend!

GingerCuddleMonster · 21/05/2015 15:51

MOD staff can also get tickets for free or at a massive reduction, also some shops offer military discount. Charities such as the RBL offer holidays for families or respite care sometimes.

are they fair? Probably not but you don't have to face live ammunition flying at you or the chance your legs could get blown off.

Swings and roundabout my dear.

Deafworm · 21/05/2015 15:59

yeahyeahyeahmama, I can't afford it, and I sure as hell don't feel like one of their own most of the time.

I'm an RAF wife with a child in a subsidised place, it means I can finish my degree while my husband is deployed for the second time in less than a year somewhere I try not to think about often. he earns much less than the 30k bandied around above and I couldn't maintain my job when he was deployed with 90 minutes notice last year. the nursery I use is classed as Voluntary/Not for Profit Owned and to my knowledge, whilst we receive a reduction from standard local rates, isn't funded by the MOD beyond their usual local charity fundraising though I could be wrong on that. I realise you are talking about someone without a deployment issue but these nurseries aren't set up with them in mind they're actually set up to help families where 2 service personnel have children, with families like mine as a secondary issue. The next nearest nursery to my camp is 20 minutes away and I simply couldn't use it. I would love to tell you what a sanity saver my son's nursery place is but I cannot find the words.

beatofthedrum · 21/05/2015 16:01

Wow, what an unpleasant post. You've said you don't want her job, with long hours and stress. Part of her 'package' is lower cost childcare. Do you go about resenting everything that friends may have and you don't? You can't say you wouldn't take on that job but it isn't fair that she gets some compensation for the long hours etc. Why on earth would this affect you enough to post about it?

UptheChimney · 21/05/2015 16:06

We should ALL have cheap, quality childcare. Not question whether some people should have such a "massive unnecessary perk"

CultureSucksDownWords · 21/05/2015 16:07

Isn't the definition of a "perk" something that is unnecessary? Otherwise it wouldn't really be a perk, would it!

Fredmitten · 21/05/2015 16:07

The "she earns a good wage" argument and so doesn't need the subsidy also doesn't necessarily stand up. I earn a good wage, but could earn a lot more doing the same thing elsewhere, but stay because of the package I get, which works for my family. She/they may be able to earn more somewhere else, but this is a reason they choose to stay. And life isn't fair, begrudging what others have will only wind you up, focus on what you have, and if you want something different, change things.

LotusLight · 21/05/2015 16:26

Yes, life isn't fair. Plenty of people pick jobs because of the perks or pension or free child care or duvet days or atmosphere of work or whatever it is that floats their boat.

Original poster
cleoteacher · 21/05/2015 18:07

I didn't mean she doesn't need childcare substitised at all . My Dh earns more than £30k and we struggle a bit with no funding until ds is three. That's not what I am saying I was just very surprised it was so much. She only pays slightly more than me for so much more childcare. I feel a lower subsidy would be better rather than none. I was just very surprised how reduced it was.

iMO those with families on the frontline are different and they are in a high risk job so should get great perks for their sacrifices. She and her Dh both work in the office.

I don't think it's an unpleasant post at all. I am not jealous and wanting to take it away from her I am just unsure if it should be substitised as much as it is that's all

OP posts:
Original poster
cleoteacher · 21/05/2015 18:09

Plus why MOD staff and not other public sector workers. The amount of substidy seems crazy and unnecessary really

OP posts:
Deafworm · 21/05/2015 18:13

but they can't charge based on a job, when my husband is here he works in an office too, when he goes we can get as little as 90 minutes notice, how can you expect a nursery to account for that?

you're also ignoring all the people who are commenting that this reduction is unlikely to be supplied by the MOD my RAF camp nursery is non-profit hence the reduction we get on standard fees

LazyLouLou · 21/05/2015 18:14

Substitute the sectors/names...

Why HSBC and not Nationwide? [chosen at random, I have no idea what they may or may not offer]

Then the answer is blindingly obvious... because the HSBC chose to and Nationwide did not. It does not matter how much you now rephrase your OP, you WBU and still are.

Terms like 'crazy and unnecessary' reveal your true feelings, and they are no more pleasant now than they were earlier. The solution remains the same, choose a better employer for yourself and stop moaning.

CultureSucksDownWords · 21/05/2015 18:18

You keep saying you don't want to take anything away from your friend. Yet reducing the subsidy would be doing exactly this. It is the same as lowering her wage.

What about every other public sector worker who earns more than you? Should their wages be cut too because it just isn't fair?!

lostincumbria · 21/05/2015 18:21

It's not surprising to read the OPs views though. We've had years now of "is it fair public sector pensions are better than yours", " is it fair people receive all this money on benefits when you work hard", etc. That's how so much of what is good is eroded - play on people's jealousy. Delighted to read so many people actually think it is fair that MoD staff have these benefits.

We should demand more, not expect others to take less.

soverylucky · 21/05/2015 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

letscookbreakfast · 21/05/2015 18:28

You sound jealous OP, it's not a race to the bottom FFS.