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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy with this?

130 replies

mickeyfartpants · 20/05/2015 20:12

DM had my DD today - 4yrs. She let her go upstairs to the toilet on her own while there was a decorator in the room next to the toilet. Obviously she cannot lock the door so potentially the door could have been open the whole time with a half naked child on the toilet. DD told us when we get in from work that she'd had a chat with the decorator on the landing.

No bad came of it, granted. But when I've mentioned to my Mum that I'd rather she went to the toilet with DD if there was a stranger in the house, her reaction is to say that its fine because the guy has his own kids, she was downstairs the whole time and then put my brother on to tell me that I'm being silly about all. We don't really know this man, and even if we did, I'd rather my toddler wasn't put in a vulnerable position.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 20:21

Yabu unreasonable

I don't think it would even have registered with me.

Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 20:22

Is your 4 year old a toddler?

Blimey mine isn't

brusselsproutwarning · 20/05/2015 20:22

Not being silly at all! I wouldn't make a big deal out of it but I wouldn't be happy and I'd tell mil to accompany toddler next time.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 20/05/2015 20:23

YANBU. It is sensible to be cautious and, anyway, what you say goes with your child.

DisappointedOne · 20/05/2015 20:23

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
mickeyfartpants · 20/05/2015 20:23

I don't expect that he thought, oh I'll become a decorator just to get unlimited access to unwitting children alone on the bog. I just think that we don't know who this man is and I don't really want him chatting to DD on the landing when he could have just watched her take a wee Sad

OP posts:
Feminine · 20/05/2015 20:23

I think professional decorators get used to families going about their business.
I can't see why he'd be uncomfortable.
Even if he was, he is free to go elsewhere for the duration.

fortunately · 20/05/2015 20:24

Why would he watch her take a wee?

AGirlCalledBoB · 20/05/2015 20:24

Yes you are being very silly. I would assume you mum would go up if your daughter was longer than she should be. Would not bother me.

Feminine · 20/05/2015 20:24

Did he chat to her while she was on the loo?

soontobemumofthree · 20/05/2015 20:25

Bit silly I think, personally would think DM actions is fine. I would think if DM had asked random decorator to take DD to toilet or bath her that would be weird, but not just using the bathroom near him with potential door open.

Marvel101 · 20/05/2015 20:25

I would not be fine with this.

I'd say it's highly unlikely the man is abusive - but I'd still be cautious

And I know most abuse happens within families - but I'd still be cautious

Also, I think many men in his position might prefer not to be left in those circumstances as potentially it could leave them open to accusations

My DF is a teacher and takes children alone for extra resource reading hours - he has to leave the door to the room wide open to protect himself and the child. DF is vetted by the police whereas the decorator isn't. Although vetting does not mean someone is not abusive - but they haven't been caught for anything.

HildaWazzo · 20/05/2015 20:25

YANBU - I don't think you're being silly. It may not be that likely that any harm would come to her, but I agree that being half-naked with the door open is a vulnerable position and I would want to accompany my child in that situation.

Feminine · 20/05/2015 20:26

Didn't he just encounter her?
Probably had a quick chat, and went back to decorating.

Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 20:26

Why would he have 'watched her take a wee'?

Outwith · 20/05/2015 20:26

I wouldn't be happy with this. I appreciate that I'm probably uptight, but I'm happy to be Grin.

Original poster
mickeyfartpants · 20/05/2015 20:26

I don't know feminine. Maybe. The door opens on to the landing and we only have a 4 year olds word for it.

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 20/05/2015 20:26

Do you always worry so much? You were first assuming the door was wide open and that she was half naked (surely she just pulls her trousers down?). Now you are imaging him chatting to her on the loo.Hmm

Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 20:26

Blimey Hmm

SoupDragon · 20/05/2015 20:26

Would you feel the same if the decorator had been a woman?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 20/05/2015 20:27

Actually, I dont think YABU but from another POV.

Say DD goes to the loo unaided and leaves the door open. Decorator is completely unaware and then walks past the open door and glances in. DD then reports that "that man was watching me on the toilet" - what then? What if the door was ajar and not realising it was occupied, he stepped in to get a piece of tissue or something, or to go to the loo himself?

I think children SHOULD be accompanied to the loo when there are strangers about. To protect them BOTH.

PixiePuffs · 20/05/2015 20:27

She will presumably be in school by Sept so you will not be able to supervise toilet breaks there either. I think it's unlikely anyone wants to watch her take a wee to be honest.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 20/05/2015 20:27

Yes, that is it OP.Your 'toddler' is lying because the builder chatted to her during her wee. I am sorry, but you have lost all perspective.

JohnCusacksWife · 20/05/2015 20:28

What a sad world we live in where every man is viewed as a potential abuser.

SuburbanRhonda · 20/05/2015 20:28

we only have a 4 year olds word for it.

Well then you have two choices.

Believe her, or ask someone who knows the decorator whether or not he's a paedophile.