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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a bridezilla? Dh just wants to get wrecked on our wedding night!!

57 replies

MaiaThai · 19/05/2015 15:52

So the venue of our wedding serves both the reception and the ceremony. All good. Afterwards we stay in their own bridal sweet. Ace.
However I'm becomming more and more anxious that my wedding night will encorporate watching my new DH becoming more and more hammered as the night goes on before I go off to bed on my own and leave him to it. All his family and friends like a good drink and now members of his family are starting to book rooms at the venue. One of them joked they didn't want to hear us having sex so dp said something about he'd be far too drunk and would probably be stuck in the bar with his mates long after I have given up on the night.
Great! How romantic. Is this today's 'normal'? Am I being a bridezilla in insisting that we keep a lid on the drink and at least 'retire' together on the night of our wedding?

OP posts:
magimedi · 19/05/2015 15:54

You are not being bridezilla at all - your partner is being pretty crass.

YouTheCat · 19/05/2015 15:54

Even my alcoholic exh wasn't that bad.

Why are you marrying him?

BitchBags · 19/05/2015 15:54

Yanbu I would be a bit peed off to be spending my wedding night on my own! Having a drink and a good time is one thing but purposely getting hammered. ... isn't that what the stag do is for?

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 15:55

I can understand you not liking the idea of him getting totally shitfaced. It would be nice if he actually remembered the day!

My husband and I didn't "retire" early from our reception though, we stayed up having a great time with our friends and family.

26Point2Miles · 19/05/2015 15:55

Yanbu

But this will be your future.... Alcohol featuring more and more

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 15:55

Yanbu, basically.

Fudgeface123 · 19/05/2015 15:55

It wouldn't bother me how much he drank but it would bother me if he was still in the bar after I'd gone to bed. I'd want to spend the first night being married, together in the same bed, nothing to do with sex either.

SpringBreaker · 19/05/2015 15:55

Sounds like he's setting the scene for how married life will be.. I would seriously reconsider marrying him as he clearly values getting pissed with his mates above the importance of marrying you and putting you first.

givemushypeasachance · 19/05/2015 15:56

When my friends got married they stayed in a hotel on their wedding night, and on their way back to their suite they came across another newly married couple - the groom was physically dragging the bride across the carpet in a bid to get her into their room, she was so wasted she couldn't walk. I doubt she had a memorable wedding night.

Isn't the stag do the time when your DH will have had the opportunity for drunken revelry with his mates and family? You (hopefully) only have the one wedding night, it seems a shame to waste it by getting so drunk you don't even remember it.

BitOfFun · 19/05/2015 15:57

Have you spoken to him about this?

MaidOfStars · 19/05/2015 16:03

Getting drunk, partying, staying up for late drinks together (or at least, in the same room) = fine (and indeed, what happened on my own wedding day).

dp said something about he'd be far too drunk and would probably be stuck in the bar with his mates long after I have given up on the night

Not fine.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 19/05/2015 16:05

Is there any chance he was joking in front of his friends? (Not that it's ok to joke like that). If not then I'd be pretty annoyed.

DisappointedOne · 19/05/2015 16:06

We were the last to leave our wedding reception. The next morning DH's family picked him up to go and visit their relatives who were invited but didn't come to the wedding and I went shopping. Not quite what I expected but it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 19/05/2015 16:07

I wouldn't bother staying. You may as well go home and watch telly.

Doesn't sound like he's all that into it. Sorry.

YellowYoYoYam · 19/05/2015 16:07

Yanbu in not wanting him to get wasted on your wedding night. But it isn't unheard of for brides or grooms to get really drunk on their wedding nights though, I used to work in a big wedding venue and it wasn't unusual for one or both of the couple to be trashed in the lounge bar after their reception. Sometimes, also, they weren't wasted, they just didn't want the party to be over yet!

Are you sure he isn't just saying about being too drunk to DTD to deflect the comments about hearing you shagging? Just a bit of banter? I don't think I would say please don't get drunk on our wedding night, I would just say to him, I would really like it if we went to bed at the same time. You might fancy staying up with guests who are still partying, you probably won't want the day to end!

Good luck with the wedding!

PatriciaHolm · 19/05/2015 16:16

Was he not just responding to a joke with a joke?

Unless he has genuine form for getting very drunk on important occasions and ignoring you, I wouldn't give it a thought.

Skeppers · 19/05/2015 16:22

We both got absolutely trollied on our wedding night (everyone did) and it was the best. night. EVER!! Grin

But that's the thing. We got drunk together and were the last people to be dragged off the dancefloor and bundled into a cab to the hotel.

If he'd gone off drinking by himself/with his mates, yeah- I'd have been pretty fed up!

PtolemysNeedle · 19/05/2015 16:23

I can't see the big deal tbh. Our wedding was the best party I've ever been to and we wanted it to last as long as possible. We were up most of the night finishing off the champagne with the guests that were the biggest party animals, and it was awesome. Plenty of time for smooching and shagging and romance on the honeymoon - we were quite happy to party on the wedding night while our friends and family were still there.

Your way of wanting to go to bed earlier is no more 'right' than his way of wanting to celebrate as much as possible with guests, so YANBU, but neither is your stb husband.

Icimoi · 19/05/2015 16:24

YANBU. On that basis he won't even remember his wedding night, and he will remember the first day of married life as being overshadowed by a hangover. Totally unromantic.

AmyElliotDunne · 19/05/2015 16:24

It is probably just something he said to counter the 'listening to you having sex' thing, but if you really think this is what will happen, I'd be just as bothered about this sort of behaviour on any night, not just my wedding night tbh.

If this is how he normally behaves, it will be an ongoing issue for you throughout your marriage, not just on your wedding day, so you need to talk to him seriously about his attitude to drinking/socialising/couple time etc. and spell out your expectations of your life together as a couple.

If this is just an occasional thing, maybe he sees the wedding as a big family party more than a romantic celebration for the two of you. Again, you probably need a conversation about this so that you are not disappointed and he can manage your expectations by either compromising on the time you both retire to bed (him a bit earlier and you a bit later) or by you accepting that the sex isn't really going to happen that night, but planning some more romantic coupley nights out on your honeymoon. If he's the type to hang out in the bar of the hotel whether you're there or not, then the problem is going to continue long after the wedding day.

FWIW, I'm not a big drinker and neither myself nor XH were at the time, but we got smashed on our wedding day and didn't DTD until a few days into the honeymoon, but we still went up together (taking a bottle of champagne up with us, before promptly crashing out fully clothed!).

These days, when most couples have sex before marriage it's not really the big deal it used to be, so enjoy the party without putting pressure on either of you for it to be the fairytale romantic moment of all the movies.

It's really about the first bit, the vows etc, not the party and 'consummating the marriage', so unless you're on the same page about that, the whole thing is pointless anyway. If his priority is spending time with friends and family while you're tucked up in bed out of the way it says something about his attitude to the relationship. If your'e confident that this is not the case, cut him a bit of slack and let him celebrate the way he's planning to.

CatMilkMan · 19/05/2015 16:28

Have you spoken to him about it? May be you see this day differently, I have been to weddings and stayed up very late getting very drunk with both of them and with just the groom and just the bride.

esiotrot2015 · 19/05/2015 16:33

I agree with Ptolemysneedle

We had a late night dancing & drinking with our friends
We were up til 2am I think
We wanted to enjoy the party with everyone

TheCraicDealer · 19/05/2015 16:36

I agree with PtolemysNeedle too. Plenty of time to get cystitis on your honeymoon or, you know, the rest of eternity which you've decided to spend together. It'll be a long day, I'm sure there's plenty of couples that don't dtd simply out of sheer exhaustion never mind booze.

Skeppers · 19/05/2015 16:38

Personally I can't think of anything less romantic or sexy than an 'obligation' shag because you feel like you have to consummate on your wedding night...!

HamishBamish · 19/05/2015 16:39

If you're really worried I would cancel the bridal suite at the wedding venue and book somewhere else. Get a taxi ordered for a certain time and then you both leave to start your married life together and the others can continue partying!

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