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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a bridezilla? Dh just wants to get wrecked on our wedding night!!

57 replies

MaiaThai · 19/05/2015 15:52

So the venue of our wedding serves both the reception and the ceremony. All good. Afterwards we stay in their own bridal sweet. Ace.
However I'm becomming more and more anxious that my wedding night will encorporate watching my new DH becoming more and more hammered as the night goes on before I go off to bed on my own and leave him to it. All his family and friends like a good drink and now members of his family are starting to book rooms at the venue. One of them joked they didn't want to hear us having sex so dp said something about he'd be far too drunk and would probably be stuck in the bar with his mates long after I have given up on the night.
Great! How romantic. Is this today's 'normal'? Am I being a bridezilla in insisting that we keep a lid on the drink and at least 'retire' together on the night of our wedding?

OP posts:

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/05/2015 17:03

I went to bed at 6am on my wedding 'night'
That was after trying to go to sleep in the kitchen.
Good times

OTheHugeManatee · 19/05/2015 17:09

You are not being a bridezilla to object to him sitting up with his mates.

Just ask him if he meant his comment seriously. Chances are he was joking but it's worth checking.

dotdotdotmustdash · 19/05/2015 17:09

We finished our reception then went partying on the town. I got very, very drunk. There was no nooky that night, but it wasn't terribly important as we had two children by then!

How often do you get the chance to have all the people you like/love around you and for it all to be in your honour? I wouldn't waste a minute of that when you have years of marriage ahead.

I have always thought it was such a shame to see the newly-weds leave their own party early.

flashheartscanoe · 19/05/2015 17:15

We headed off to bed before the guests on our wedding night. (midnightish) They all stayed up and had a brilliant time and were all talking about it the next day. TBH I wished we'd stayed up with them. Getting everyone together for the wedding was a real one off but I have had many romantic nights with my DH before and since.(15 years and counting!)

Sahkoora · 19/05/2015 17:34

My DSis's DH spent most of their wedding with his cousins getting shitfaced and she was on her own looking awkward and embarrassed throughout the evening, trying to socialise with her guests by herself. It culminated in the groom and his cousins letting off a fire alarm in the hotel at 3am, meaning everyone (including elderly rellies and my baby DS) waiting around in a freezing car park for two hours while they checked all the rooms to make sure there really wasn't a fire.

Their marriage lasted less than a year!

Jackie0 · 19/05/2015 17:38

Sober , drunk, tipsy whatever, doesn't matter as long as you're having fun TOGETHER.
Propping up the bar with mates after youve gone to bed is just grim.

NRomanoff · 19/05/2015 17:45

Why don't you feel you can bring this up. Lets be honest Oap, you are marrying a man whose social life and extended family life revolves around drink. Sounds like any occasion is a reason to get hammered. Why did you think the wedding would be different.

Not trying to be harsh, just trying to make you really think about what you are doing. Planning on letting your new bride go to bed alone so you can get hammered with your mates, doesn't sound like a great start to married life.

The fact that you know his friends and family are drinkers, the fact that you aren't sure you can bring it up with him or even have said something there and then means there is more than this one issue

NerrSnerr · 19/05/2015 17:49

We didn't retire early as we wanted to enjoy every second of our wedding with our friends and family. Seems odd to leave the party you're hosting early.

YouTheCat · 19/05/2015 17:51

Seems more odd to want to get shitfaced with your mates on your wedding day.

stitch10yearson · 19/05/2015 17:52

I think yabu. Its his wedding too, and if that is how he wants to spend it, then why are you making him spend it in a way he doesn't want to?
Its 2015 and i seriously doubt its the first time the two of you will be having sex. So why should you have to 'retire together'?
just my tuppeny's worth. Hope you have a great day. :)

PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 19/05/2015 17:54

I agree with JackieO. If you're both drunk together or sober together it'll be fine. It's his intentions to party the night away with his friends while you're asleep that seems odd.

BarbarianMum · 19/05/2015 17:55

Do you want to spend the rest of you life with someone whose idea of a good time is getting wasted? Your wedding night is just the first day of the rest of your married life.

harshbuttrue1980 · 19/05/2015 18:14

I don't see the problem. Assuming you've already spent many a night together, what's the big deal? It would be different if this was the first night you'd spent together in the same bed, but I'm assuming it's not. He doesn't love you any less just because he wants to have fun with his friends - why not join them?

BluebeardsSidekick · 19/05/2015 18:24

He's not very fond of you is he?

Have you a reason why you feel the need to marry this prince among men?

backtowork2015 · 19/05/2015 18:33

we left at 11pm, both tipsy, I remember the big send off with all our guests outside the venue waving us off in the car, it was lovely. I wouldn't have wanted to be the last man standing at the end of thenight...what an anti climax! we didn't dtd either, I had my period!

SpringBreaker · 19/05/2015 18:36

I would just be very insulted that he thinks on the night of his wedding, it would be fine to let the bride bugger off to bed on her own while he carries on drinking with his mates. That assumption is shitty.

Surely on your wedding night of all nights you should go to bed together!

straighttothepoint · 19/05/2015 18:39

Your dh to be sounds like a tosser.

Idontseeanydragons · 19/05/2015 18:41

Deciding to stay with his drinking buddies would be my issue. We were the last to leave at our reception, went home together and spent the rest of the night opening the gifts, drinking champagne and talking to overseas family on the phone
Felt hellish the next afternoon day but we felt hellish together!
Just talk to him about it - maybe in a 'you were just joking about staying up with xxx drinking on our wedding night and leaving me alone weren't you?' type of way.
With meaningful emphasis

magoria · 19/05/2015 18:44

ll his family and friends like a good drink and now members of his family are starting to book rooms at the venue.

Is he like this now?

If so a wedding/marriage won't change him if that is what you are hoping.

Are you planning children in the future?

You need to sit down and have a good chat about what your future together holds. If his consists of a lot of going out getting hammered...

You may want to reconsider.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/05/2015 18:46

Seriously, If a groom thinks it is OK to favour getting pissed with his mates on his wedding night, over spending time with his bride, this says a lot about the type of future she can expect.

She can expect to come second to HIS mates and HIS wants all the time, be disrespected, dictated to, made to feel that SHE is the unreasonable one by an overgrown sulking toddler-man.

If they both think a good night and a party to remember involves getting trashed, and feeling like crap the next day, then fine!

But all this thread does is make me glad we had an alcohol free wedding. Which was great fun and enjoyed by all, a real family occasion.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/05/2015 18:51

Wouldnt be a big deal for me. Dh and I party-ed with our mates on our wedding night. It was great.

Jackiebrambles · 19/05/2015 18:53

I think staying up to enjoy the party with your family and friends is fine but I'd want to go to bed together, it is your wedding night!

I know many friends who did that and then slept fully clothed in full bridal garb after rolling to bed at 3am! But they went together!

Our venue didn't have rooms so when the party finished some of our pals carried on drinking in local pubs but me and (new) dh went to a hotel at around midnight. It was lovely :)

DragonMamma · 19/05/2015 19:03

I also think the key is whatever you do, do it together.

Dh and I were drunk as skunks on our wedding night - we were up until 3am with our friends having a brilliant time. I think we consummated a few days later on honeymoon!

Jen1610 · 19/05/2015 20:06

I pretty much match my husband in the partying stakes so no way would I have gone to bed before him. However we wanted it to last as long as possible and ended up having a few friends and family back up to the honeymoon suite for drinks.till 6am. The thing is though we did that together. Had I wanted to go to bed earlier he'd of done that too. Why don't you just agree a time you will head to bed that you both agree with?

MrsSheRa · 19/05/2015 20:09

He should want to be with you at the end of the night

You are definitely not being a Bridezilla

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