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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think coming for dinner and announcing you're 'full' is bloody rude

62 replies

balletnotlacrosse · 18/05/2015 14:24

I was at a friend's house for dinner on Sat. She had invited another couple who, on arrival, said that they'd been at a nephew's First Communion that afternoon and had come straight on from there.
Then, when we sat down for dinner they both announced that they'd spent the afternoon 'stuffing' themselves with hot dogs, cakes etc at the Communion party and would just have a tiny portion of dinner and no pudding. My friend was quite annoyed when I went out to the kitchen to help her serve up and said she'd spent ages shopping and cooking the meal and now hardly any of it would be eaten. I totally sympathised as I've had that happen to me once or twice and it's both disappointing and annoying when guests make you feel all your effort has gone to waste.

AIBU to think it's really rude to accept a dinner invitation and then arrive too full to eat?

OP posts:

AuntyMag10 · 18/05/2015 14:26

Did they tell your friend that they would be coming from a previous event?

SirChenjin · 18/05/2015 14:27

Presuming that they hadn't already told your friend that they would be eating before they got there, yes - it's v rude to accept an invitation to dinner and then not eat the food your host has spent time and money making.

Floggingmolly · 18/05/2015 14:27

Horribly rude. It doesn't matter what the previous event was; they'd been invited to dinner and treated it as if it didn't matter.

timelyreminder · 18/05/2015 14:29

YANBU. They knew they would be coming to dinner after the communion party so should have left room and been appreciative of all the effort that was made for them.

Debinaround · 18/05/2015 14:30

That's so rude.

Why would you stuff yourself all afternoon if you know someone is going to the trouble of cooking for you?

Kaekae · 18/05/2015 14:30

Rude. I would have felt sorry for your friend too. Nothing worse than putting lots of effort in to a meal that no one eats.

Diamond23 · 18/05/2015 14:36

I hate this, it's such bad manners to swan in and dictate. You've been invited, someone has taken time effort and money to cook for you, just eat it and appriciate it. Don't start with your self obsessed special pleading. Boring

Original poster

balletnotlacrosse · 18/05/2015 14:37

She knew they'd be at the Communion. Apparently they said they'd be having lunch at the nephew's house and would come straight on later that evening to my friend's. They accepted an invite 'to dinner', so my friend was taken aback that they just casually announced they were full and wouldn't really eat much..

OP posts:

MinimumPayment · 18/05/2015 14:41

I think it's rude too.

I also think it's rude to accept and then announce you're on a diet when you arrive, but I know others disagree and say it's entirely the individual's choice if, when and what they choose to eat.

SirChenjin · 18/05/2015 14:41

OK - so instead of simply having lunch and then not eating again until the dinner that was being cooked for them, they continued to eat throughout the afternoon to the extent that they couldn't eat at your friend's? Yep, still rude.

Charlotte3333 · 18/05/2015 14:45

Yep rude. Fortunately DH and I love a good free dinner so can go from one party to the next and never be full.

I'd be grateful that someone else has cooked me a lovely meal, rather than complain or refuse to eat stuff. We've got friends who arranged to come for the weekend and only announced one they'd arrived the DW had gone vegetarian the month previous. It was hell on earth, with my DCs sat at the dinner table Sunday morning eating their bodyweight in sausage and bacon and her pointedly averting her eyes every time anyone put meat in their mouth. Big old rude babies. Sit and eat your hummus and be sad.

catlovingdoctor · 18/05/2015 14:49

YANBU! How rude- guests should be more considerate of their host's efforts!

Chunkymonkey79 · 18/05/2015 15:32

Yanbu

I was really fucked off when i held a bbq, laid on loads of food, PIL went to mcfuckingdonaldson their way therefore barely ate.

Whyyyyyy?!

LurkingHusband · 18/05/2015 15:35

I also think it's rude to accept and then announce you're on a diet when you arrive

Don't get this (unless you dine out every day). The whole point of dieting "at home" is to be able to enjoy yourself when out, surely ?

KoalaDownUnder · 18/05/2015 15:38

Yep. Very rude. Poor hostess.

PattiODoors · 18/05/2015 15:44

My sibling and spouse do this often. Well when I say often I mean I don't invite them to eat here anymore because they always ALWAYS had had a big meal beforehand and ate mere teaspoons of whatever I had on offer. Sigh. Gits.

feesh · 18/05/2015 15:46

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest! I'd have invited them round for company, the meal would be a sideshow really and almost certain to kill them if I had cooked it

HamishBamish · 18/05/2015 15:46

Extremely rude.

TheJiminyConjecture · 18/05/2015 15:51

CheekyMonkey we had something similar a few years back. Hosted a party, laid on loads of drink/food/etc. Friend arrived with her bf, drank a load of booze then left to go for a Chinese. Best bit was they came back after their meal and resumed the booze consumption and ate a load of leftovers about midnight! It goes without saying that they didn't bring a bottle or any food!

Op Yanbu

SuperFlyHigh · 18/05/2015 16:01

Yes that is rude as they said one thing and then did another and didn't think of your friend. Sadly a lot of people are like that these days, bad manners.

manchestermummy · 18/05/2015 16:05

Definitely rude!

My FIL did this to us once. Note once. Invited himself and his wife for lunch, then informed us that he had had a huge breakfast an hour beforehand and was therefore not hungry and wouldn't be eating anything.

He won't be coming again. DH thinks I'm joking. I am really not.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 18/05/2015 16:41

Yes that was rude of them.

We were invited to someone's house once and were told there would be some food on. We didn't bother to have any tea beforehand and didn't feed the kids either. When we arrived the people that got there before us had wolfed the lot. There was nothing for me, Dh, his parents or our kids. We weren't late getting there as they didn't give a specific time to arrive. So either the host made a very small amount of nibbles or her relatives were just greedy bastards and because I know them I assumed it was the latter

BettyCatKitten · 18/05/2015 18:29

Very rude and bad manners.
They wouldn't be getting another invite from me! Yanbu

fiveacres · 18/05/2015 18:33

I don't think it's rude, to be honest, although it does rather depend on how much effort had gone into dinner.

I know people with small appetites who claim to have stuffed themselves when in fact they didn't! And, it isn't as if they ate nothing at all: just a smaller portion of what was offered. I know someone who really serves up mammoth portions of food and I've felt rude in the past because there's a massive load of food left, but I had a gastric band fitted 5 years ago. I don't tell many people but I really CAN'T manage huge portions of food without vomiting.

HerRoyalNotness · 18/05/2015 18:36

I couldn't care less. There'd be leftovers we could enjoy the next day.

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