Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think coming for dinner and announcing you're 'full' is bloody rude

62 replies

balletnotlacrosse · 18/05/2015 14:24

I was at a friend's house for dinner on Sat. She had invited another couple who, on arrival, said that they'd been at a nephew's First Communion that afternoon and had come straight on from there.
Then, when we sat down for dinner they both announced that they'd spent the afternoon 'stuffing' themselves with hot dogs, cakes etc at the Communion party and would just have a tiny portion of dinner and no pudding. My friend was quite annoyed when I went out to the kitchen to help her serve up and said she'd spent ages shopping and cooking the meal and now hardly any of it would be eaten. I totally sympathised as I've had that happen to me once or twice and it's both disappointing and annoying when guests make you feel all your effort has gone to waste.

AIBU to think it's really rude to accept a dinner invitation and then arrive too full to eat?

OP posts:

Happybodybunny12 · 18/05/2015 18:39

Pig ignorant op agree.

Very rude to the cook

TravelinColour · 19/05/2015 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Royalsighness · 19/05/2015 12:02

MIL comes for dinner and brings a packed lunch because she "forgot to eat it at lunch time"

It boils my piss

RB68 · 19/05/2015 12:11

Very Rude, I don't eat masses in one go - everyone assumes I do as am overweight but I just don't so for e.g. bbq I eat one plate of food, couple of sausages and a burger MAX and don't really like burger so might have something else instead. But people allow for a couple of burgers, sausages, couple kebabs and more per person all with bread - I just can't cope!!

I agree you can't force people to eat but if they have had a normal portion fair enough - to go out and eat all afternoon and then turn up - rude. To turn up and say on a diet - rude (sorry but it is) to contact before hand and say on a diet and say what you are trying to do etc fair enough - I would cater for that same as I would a veggie etc. Sometimes for whatever reason you can't have rich food (gallstones) or high sugar (diabetic) and why should you have to regale everyone with health issues just to be clear you are not kidding about what you can and can't eat.

chelseabuns2013 · 19/05/2015 12:31

What about when you go around someone's house past lunch or tea and no food is offered. I swear I was invited to a friends house for a weekend once and never got anything to eat or at SIL house and asked to leave because their dinner was ready ( it was Christmas Day and the rest of the family were invited for dinner oh yeah and two people pulled out last minute but we had to leave)

Shawser78 · 19/05/2015 13:48

Opinions on this: last year when DS was 2 I threw a party for him. DHs family live in different part of UK to us so invited them all over for the day. He has a big family and they all eat a lot. Anyway DH was working abroad and i was on my own. Did a boatload of food - and his sisters and SIL turned up with their own food as they were all on diets and didn't bother telling me.

GrumpyOlBag72 · 19/05/2015 14:07

I sound like your friend OP, I think hard about a menu, spend ages shopping and cooking and try and make a really special evening
A while ago a friend brought a new girlfriend... she had some specific dietary requirements and I made dishes for her... she arrived with a meal in a box (and a fork) so she didnt have to be any trouble..... they did know that I was cooking for her but didnt bother to say that she would bring her own food.
well everyone else was quiet for a bit but thankfully they had room to eat her meal too.....
I think its really bad manners to accept an invitation and then not eat the meal, we are all busy, cooking for more than immediate family can be scary and we all make a big effort.

Miggsie · 19/05/2015 14:21

YANBU - it is rude to accept an invitation to a email and then eat so much beforehand you can't eat. Different if it had been a restaurant and they just ordered a starter. If a hostess has been cooking for you, there should be an effort to eat it.

I'm a tad bitter as I had a friend and her family that I invited to afternoon tea - she has 3 boys and a large husband who likes his food and she isn't much of a cook so she always welcomes a meal invite. They turn up - she is on a detox so won't eat any sugar (so no cake and also no sandwiches as she's avoiding wheat), kids seem to have never seen a scone or real cakes and demand chocolate biscuits from a packet (not available in my house) and ham shaped like a teddy bear - what???????. He was full, having done himself a fry up shortly before, as she hadn't been cooking for him as she is on a detox and she hadn't told him the invite was for afternoon tea. He was really pissed off as he was full he couldn't eat much, so in the end I did him a doggy bag.

I won't detail the roast pork debacle of 2009 - it's too painful, needless to say, they haven't been invited for food in my house now for a very long time.

Mrscog · 19/05/2015 14:26

Yes very rude, especially as it sounds like the Communion was a buffet style so easy to bear in mind you're eating again later and you need to leave room.

MrsMook · 19/05/2015 14:39

I've had events at different times, and just just pace yourself so you have some appetite for both. If an event involves eating at an unusual time that also means adjusting portions and timings.

To stuff yourself at one event and then reject the efforts of the host at the next event is rude.

Hobby2014 · 19/05/2015 14:43

Yanbu
We once took out dh's grandparents for dinner. Was arranged and booked in advance. When they arrived they exclaimed they weren't that hungry as they ate just before them came. So we totally wasted our money as they hardly ate anything.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/05/2015 14:57

Yes we ask friends round to be sociable but I'd be cheesed off to go to the bother of shopping and food prep only to have them announce on arrival "We're so full!"

Ancient history: An Uncle came round unexpectedly at meal time. Invited to join us he took seconds of everything, (no compliments at any time regarding Mum's cooking) then sat back (no offer to help clear or wash up) and when asked by his brother (my Dad) if he'd had enough, said nonchalantly,
"Well, it filled a hole".

ArcheryAnnie · 19/05/2015 15:35

Yup, rude. Even if you are full, you shut up, don't mention it and eat the dinner that someone has cooked for you, and you make grateful noises however much you didn't want more food!

Mrscog · 19/05/2015 15:46

It just lacks such social grace doesn't it? I mean most hosts will either get people to serve themselves or say 'is that enough' or 'what sized piece of cheesecake would you like' etc. when serving. It would probably be possible to eat an amount agreeable to the full person without being so rude!

fadingfast · 19/05/2015 15:55

My mil regularly does this. She lives in perpetual fear of going hungry and will eat a massive pile of sandwiches shortly before coming over to ours for lunch. She then leaves most of the lunch (although miraculously has room for pudding).

She has dementia though and regularly loses track of what day or time it is, so I try to be gracious about it even though it makes me hopping mad.

Welliwooster · 19/05/2015 18:18

YANBU.... that's extreme rude... Yes, you invite friends for the company too but I know that if I host dinner for my friends I out a lot of thought, effort and money into it - even down to the drinks I serve with it. I'd be very upset if I'd gone to all that trouble and then my guests had eaten elsewhere before hand!!

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 19/05/2015 18:25

YANBU.

percy1979 · 19/05/2015 19:04

My husband's family do this all the time - really infuriates me!
Once the day before my son's christening, we had arranged months in advance to job them in their hotel for afternoon tea with our children. But they then booked dinner (for 6pm!!!) so didn't eat any of the afternoon tea which we had already booked and paid for.
Another time we arrange brunch again with our children, plus BIL and his wife. They arrived at our house having eating a cooked English breakfast an hour beforehand. We had prepared scrambled egg and smoked salmon which went completely to waste. Just bloody rude

Floggingmolly · 19/05/2015 19:07

What is wrong with people that they see nothing amiss in doing that?
Pig rude.

Woobeedoo · 19/05/2015 19:59

So rude of them.

My MIL used to deliberately make herself & the FIL a sandwich and in one case, dinner, before coming round to ours for dinner, she'd nibble at the food I'd made and declare herself not hungry. We don't invite them anymore and she wonders why. Fucking cockwallop.

OwlRR · 19/05/2015 20:02

I just had to post on this, as this situation really gets my back up! A few years ago I hosted a birthday get together, making it clear to invitees that there would be good served, in a buffet style. And pretty much everyone turned up full! So wasted a load of money on lovely nibbles. Its pathetic, but do still slightly feel the annoyance now!

OwlRR · 19/05/2015 20:03

*food served

PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/05/2015 20:21

I agree, this is plain rude of the guests.

But equally rude are the bad hosts who invite people to travel a long way, to arrive/be at their home over a meal time, and DON'T offer them a meal.

There was one thread not so long ago where someone left after work on a FRiday to go staright to a friends and either friend had eaten early or wasn't hungry so wasn't going to cook - and guest was starving having come straight from work and travelled all evening, which the host knew.

There was another one where guests turned up assuming they had been invited for lunch as it was a 1pm visit on boxing day or such, and the hosts were just clearing away their early lunch, having eaten early because they had people coming at 1pm. Crossed wires maybe, but still rude not to make it clear whether the invite is for a meal or not.

rookiemere · 19/05/2015 20:22

Different situation though OwlRR. Nibbles as a term is annoyingly vague as is an evening buffet.

The few times I have had evening invites to weddings if I ate a big meal beforehand there'd be groaning platefuls of food, or if I just had a salad there'd be a couple of manky sausage rolls. If I'm going to an event where I'm likely to have a bit to drink I'd rather have eaten properly beforehand.

PitOfFique · 19/05/2015 21:03

I agree this is really rude. Do you think there could be a reason for their rudeness eg they are embarrassingly fussy and made excuses that they didn't like the food, or the host is a bad cook? (However if either were true then perhaps they shouldn't have accepted the invite, but maybe they chose to regardless for some reason.)

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread