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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it is very rude to have your mobile phone on the table when out/having dinner?

103 replies

angelos02 · 18/05/2015 09:59

I've never witnessed this among my own friends/family but there was a video on Facebook of a father being fed up with his sons constantly checking their mobiles so he gets out an old-school typewriter and starts typing away.

Who would put up with such behaviour. If someone was constantly checking their phone while with me I would walk out. I would assume they wouldn't be bothered as my company was obviously boring them.

OP posts:

bruffin · 18/05/2015 14:55

I know donemakemelarf its a bugnrar of mine . But it was so rude to the performers who were really good.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 18/05/2015 14:57

I'm guilty of having my phone out if my kids are at home alone or with a sitter. I realise it's probably overkill, but I feel terribly guilty if my phone has been tucked in my bag all night and I discover they've tried to call me 8x to say goodnight.

I would probably just deal with my guilt if i were out with people who don't have kids, but as it happens most of our friends do the same when we're out.

FromSeaToShining · 18/05/2015 14:59

YANBU. It is very rude. If you are expecting an important call (an actual important call, not some manufactured excuse), then I can understand keeping the phone handy. But otherwise, turn the flipping phone off, put it away, and interact with the people who are actually present.

lynniep · 18/05/2015 15:12

If I'm out (which is rare) then I always have my phone on the table (upside down) in case DH calls as the kids might want to speak to me before bed. DS2 is 5 and still gets upset if I'm not around at bed time and I don't see an issue with this.

If I go out with DH (even rarer!) I will also have it on the table in case whoever is babysitting needs to get in touch (again, mostly for DS2).

Texting, browsing, fb etc are a no-no unless we're having a conversation and someone wants to illustrate what they're talking about with a photo (e.g showing a photo of a child someone wants to see)

It might be rude but as far as I'm concerned its 2015 and its the norm.

It doesn't come to bed and it doesn't come to the dinner table at home.

Mousefinkle · 18/05/2015 15:16

I've said it a million times before but I genuinely think that one day in the not so distant future people are going to forget how to talk to one another. We're all going to communicate through a screen, even when in the same room! I can see it happening, it's already beginning...

Yanbu at all. I think it's incredibly rude. I like my phone, I use it probably way too much but if I'm at dinner or have visitors around I only really check it when they/I go to the toilet.

MrsTedCrilly · 18/05/2015 15:26

I love this!

To think it is very rude to have your mobile phone on the table when out/having dinner?

seaweed123 · 18/05/2015 16:13

I would always keep my phone on silent in front of me if DH and I were away from my DC. DC is very young, so if we are not there then he is either at nursery, or with a babysitter, so I do really need to be contactable. My friends and colleagues would all understand that.

Also, I'll always have my phone to hand if I'm oncall for work.

My parents never had mobile phones when I was little... but on the rare occasions they went out, my gran could have always phoned the pub they were in, or during the day I could have phoned my mum at her work (I can still remember the number!). People tend to venture further than their local these days, so times are different. It's not a bad thing.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 18/05/2015 16:54

Ah yes that's true. I remember the list of my parents' favorite restaurants and their phone numbers on the fridge for the babysitter. And the neighbor's telephone numbers.

Mrscog · 18/05/2015 16:57

I think generally keeping it in your bag and checking occasionally at an appropriate moment (like other people have gone to the bar/loo etc) is fine. I think it's also ok to use your phone to look something up if it's part of the conversation - such as the title of a film or something. Constant checking, replying to non urgent stuff is rude.

ThePartyArtist · 18/05/2015 17:01

My SIL does this all the time, as do all my inlaws! Find it totally annoying! In fact sometimes they will have more than one phone per person on the table. Often if I am with her and not her BF she has it on the table next to her and whats apps him throughout dinner, saying nothing in particular e.g. three word sentences, pics of food etc.

Has anyone found a good way to deal with this without sounding very rude?!

Gatehouse77 · 18/05/2015 17:02

To have it on the table, I find rude although a friend of mine does do this.
I wouldn't have a problem if there was an exceptional circumstance - such as when my mother was dying, or someone I knew was waiting to hear about a kidney transplant.
We don't allow phones at the table for supper in our house either - it's about conversation.

woodhill · 18/05/2015 17:06

I find it rude., half the time mine is in my bag, if it is so important someone will ring me on my landline.

Kasey86 · 18/05/2015 17:14

When we go out for dinner we have a rule, whoever picks up their phone to mess around on it pays for the meal :)
I find it so rude, we have been out for dinner and the number of couples especially, who sit there on their phones not even talking to each other is astounding.

SirChenjin · 18/05/2015 17:22

I have a no screens at the table rule at home which I enforce - this is the time that the whole family come together as talk. Their friends can cope for 30 minutes without them. If I'm out with friends I keep it in my bag and check from time to time if I cba. Really, really rude to keep checking and answering unless it's an emergency.

FromSeaToShining · 18/05/2015 17:37

Those who say they keep their phones on the table, why do you do it? If the phone is turned off, what is the point? If it is set to vibrate, wouldn't it be fine in your bag or pocket? If it is on, are you constantly checking it during the meal (very rude IMO)?

I lived years of my life before mobile phones became ubiquitous so I admit I can't understand the surgical attachment to the phone that seems so common now. It drives me batty when I'm having a conversation and someone says, "What was the name of that actor? Hang on, I'll check my phone." Maybe the person you are talking to actually knows the answer. In any case, I don't really want to sit there while someone is staring down at their phone looking for the name.

Oh, dear, I sound like a curmudgeon. But antisocial phone etiquette is one of my pet hates, I will admit.

DoJo · 18/05/2015 17:46

Those who say they keep their phones on the table, why do you do it? If the phone is turned off, what is the point? If it is set to vibrate, wouldn't it be fine in your bag or pocket

Because it would get broken in my back pocket, be uncomfortable in my front pocket and go unheard in my bag.

FromSeaToShining · 18/05/2015 17:49

So do you keep it on and check it frequently when it is on the table?

DoJo · 18/05/2015 17:54

Well, it rings or beeps for calls or texts, or buzzes if on vibrate, so yes, I would check to see who it was if it did any of those things, but I am not popular enough to have a constant slew of calls or texts so I could easily not look at it all night if all was well with the babysitter.

shrunkenhead · 18/05/2015 18:01

It's downright rude and insulting to present company. If you have a babysitter tell them the name and number of pub to ring! Or trust that they know what to do in an emergency. Just leave phone in bag.

FromSeaToShining · 18/05/2015 18:03

But why not just wait until the meal is over to excuse yourself and check your phone? I don't mean to pick on you in particular, DoJo, anyone is welcome to answer.

If you were at the theatre or the cinema you would have to turn your phone off anyway. What makes a meal out with friends any different? When people keep looking at their phones at the table, it always feels like being at a party and someone looking over your shoulder, trying to find someone more interesting to talk to!

bigbumtheory · 18/05/2015 18:06

Why Phones on the table are largely grim, they contain more bacteria then you think.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-27985815

www.phonesoap.com/how-dirty-are-cell-phones/

Constantly texting/answering is rude.

DoJo · 18/05/2015 18:08

I would suggest that if you find a silent phone being placed on a table and largely ignored all night insulting, then you are in the minority. I wouldn't be bothered by a friend wanting to be contactable if need be and none of them have ever indicated it's a problem for them either. If you have an issue with your friends paying more attention to their phones than to you, then it's for you to take up with them.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 18/05/2015 18:18

YANBU. I can't bear people having their phones on the table at a coffee/cafe/restaurant when you are eating. Texting and FBing when you've made an arrangement to have a coffee/lunch/dinner with friends is bloody rude, needy and attention seeking.

DoJo · 18/05/2015 18:26

But why not just wait until the meal is over to excuse yourself and check your phone? I don't mean to pick on you in particular, DoJo, anyone is welcome to answer.

That's ok - I don't feel picked on, but then I can quite happily forget to take my phone out with me for days on end and only really use it in an emergency. Personally, I would rather be interrupted by it, if need be, because a babysitter would only call me if it were a real emergency, in which case I would want to know asap if I was needed to meet them at hospital for instance. As I said, it's only on the table because it's too uncomfortable in my pocket, so I literally wouldn't even glance at it unless it made a noise.

I don't do anything with my phone that would bother me if my friends did it when I am out with them - perhaps the problem is more that there seems to be an inherent mismatch between members of social groups who have completely different attitudes to their phones from one another. It would drive me mad to have someone constantly texting or googling when I was with them, but that's not something I would do either.

madmother1 · 18/05/2015 18:35

I've been to a comedy night where the comedian actually told someone off for texting!! He told him to get into the real world and enjoy what was happening and it was very rude.
I've actually text my daughter while next to me on a train!!! Her face was picture.

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