Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is very rude to have your mobile phone on the table when out/having dinner?

103 replies

angelos02 · 18/05/2015 09:59

I've never witnessed this among my own friends/family but there was a video on Facebook of a father being fed up with his sons constantly checking their mobiles so he gets out an old-school typewriter and starts typing away.

Who would put up with such behaviour. If someone was constantly checking their phone while with me I would walk out. I would assume they wouldn't be bothered as my company was obviously boring them.

OP posts:
donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 10:25

I think it is such a problem, that maybe schools start including lessons about manners (especially modern day manners).
They already promote caring and sharing and all the rest of it. When and where it's appropriate to use social media should also be taught.

TheEggityOddity · 18/05/2015 10:26

I find the phone on the table really fucking irritating. I am constantly telling DH to put the bastard thing away. I admit in the morning I mumsnet on my phone while DS eats breakfast and watches Cbeebies on my iPad otherwise I am staring at a wall. But honestly when we go anywhere and sit down, the first thing DH does is start fiddling with his sodding phone, looking at the news, news blogs, facebook, etc. It totally shuts down conversation. We went for a lovely picnic yesterday where there was no signal. He spent the picnic time by the river not looking at the breathtaking waterfall, but fiddling with the gps to decide where to walk next. For an hour. Meanwhile I entertain toddler, throwing rocks into the river..and another missed opportunity for conversation. You start to feel like it's your conversation but it is just their bad manners really.

QuizteamBleakley · 18/05/2015 10:29

All phones on the table and the first person who picks theirs up to faff on Faceberk / Twatter etc has to pay the bill (unless babysitter / emergency / pre-warned call).

Felyne · 18/05/2015 10:42

Aside from whether it's rude or not; I've been in a restaurant before when a group of people came through 'begging'. As soon as the staff realised one of them chased the group out, another staff member asked if anyone had their phones on the table; the people who did, had had their phone stolen while distracted by some members of the group. The customers hadn't even noticed this happening.
In this case the staff member who gave chase caught up with the group and retrieved the stolen phones (somehow) but I would never leave my phone out like that.

balletnotlacrosse · 18/05/2015 10:59

YANBU. It drives me mental if I'm out for a meal and someone is constantly checking their phone, answering texts etc etc. So bloody rude.

Theycallmemellowjello · 18/05/2015 11:14

I wouldn't do it myself (hate being contacted on phone actually!) BUT manners are all about context, and in some circles (ie young people) having the phone on the table acceptable. I think that for teens or early-20s people, it is not really regarded as rude to take photos of the food, have the phone on the table over dinner and pause to read a text that you get. I guess the problem comes when there's a generational clash, like in the video you describe. For the father, the teens are being rude by checking the phone. For the teens, perhaps it is the father who is being rude by acting aggressively to something not meant as a slight.

ItsADinosaur · 18/05/2015 11:19

Constantly checking irritates me, but just having it on the table I couldn't care less about.

On the rare occasion DH and I go out I have mine where I can see it incase the in laws ring about the DC, we have a baby and a toddler. Saying that we are rubbish at staying out.

FergalSharkeysfloppyfringe · 18/05/2015 11:20

It's very rude imo.

silverglitterpisser · 18/05/2015 11:38

Not rude to have a phone on the table at all. If I am out without dc then I always have mine within hearing n seeing - i.e on the table - in case nursery/dh/dm need to contact me about the dc. I am unabashed n unapologetic about that but I don't actually use it unless I receive a call in which case I excuse myself n leave the table.

Rude is constantly texting n making or taking calls n that applies if phone is on table or in pocket, handbag etc.

swooosh · 18/05/2015 11:52

I only have it out if I'm on call at work. I get called in to attend emergency surgery and need to be there within half an hour so yes I do keep my phone out if I'm out (it's rare to get called though, hence why I would go for a meal!)

Morelikeguidelines · 18/05/2015 11:56

It needs to go on the table if you have a babysitter round in case of emergency. or a comparable situation. Otherwise I think it is rude.

reallywittyname · 18/05/2015 12:08

My dad does this, it drives us nuts as he sees his only grandchild every couple of months yet he can't bear to put his phone down to talk to her. And my mum, who I think has an inkling of how much it irks us, will just say feebly "oh but he needs to check in case any work comes in". He is self employed and all his clients know he's away. And it's a weekend. And we've gone somewhere nice for lunch. So next time he does it I'm going to ask him if it's insured and if he says yes I'm going to drop it in his soup.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 18/05/2015 12:13

I'm stealing that idea reallywitty

KoalaDownUnder · 18/05/2015 12:15

I agree that it's rude.

I stopped inviting a (generally quite rude) friend around after she answered her mobile while I was cooking her dinner at my house. Then yapped on to her sister about nothing while I continued cooking. Then left me sitting at the table by myself with the food going cold while she wound up her conversation. Then left her phone face up on the table and checked texts constantly.

I ended up feeling as if I might as well have just given her the food in a takeaway bag and saved her the trouble of talking to me at all. It was SO rude.

Mintyy · 18/05/2015 12:18

Yanbu. My helicopter-parenting best friend does this. She doesn't check her phone constantly but she has to have it on the table! Like she couldn't get it out of her bag quickly enough if it rings?

bumblingbovine49 · 18/05/2015 12:26

I keep it on the table in a restaurant if I am out with dh and Ds has a baby sitter as I never (and I mean never) hear it ring if it is in my bag.

I am renown for never answering my phone amongst my friends and this is truly because I rarely notice it ringing. I always seem to find a number of unanswered calls whenever I do check my phone. I don't have a hearing problem so I am not sure why this is but it is a fact.

If dh is looking after DS and I am out with friends I leave my phone in my bag and never look at it until I am going home. I Have missed more than few texts and calls from dh doing this but he is used to it!!

Tanith · 18/05/2015 12:33

It would make a good sketch Grin

Waitress texts: Hi, my name is Abbie and I'm your server for tonight! Can I get you any drinks?

Everyone's phone bleeps. Then they each text: Hi Abbie! I'd like... or Can you recommend a good red wine?

Orders are texted; conversation is conducted entirely by phone...

Happybodybunny12 · 18/05/2015 12:35

I wouldn't judge aa everyone has different lives.

I most definatly have my phone in the table as I have elderly parents who often need assistance and 2 teenagers out and about one of who has anxiety issues and needs to check in a lot.

Those of you who think it's rude or who don't need to keep on top of situations well lucky you

fourchetteoff · 18/05/2015 12:42

I think it's bloody rude. And yes, even if I'm out and my DCs are being babysat I would leave it in my pocket or in my bag.

There was a study about this, that even if you have phone within eyeball distance you become less empathetic as a listener.

time.com/3616383/cell-phone-distraction/

My beloved friend is becoming less beloved as she is welded to her phone. She is always just checking "just this one text from DH/MIL/someone uber-important that just can't wait" and it makes seeing her very herky-jerky. I don't think people realise how much of a wind-up it can be to those around them.

MagicMojito · 18/05/2015 14:27

Hello! I'm that person who you are all so annoyed at

I'll have my phone on the table if I'm out or I have it in my hand if I am walking and I probably check it at least 100 times a day.
I'm lucky that the only 2people that I spend time with know that I have anxiety related to well everything really my phone and needing it to be right there or it'll set me off.

Its not ideal but I definitely don't think its the worst social faux pas out there!

Totality22 · 18/05/2015 14:38

If I not with my children (2.5 and 4 months so still very young) then I have my phone on the table / out.

I don't check it or use it or answer it (unless it's whoever has the kid/s calling) though.

crazykat · 18/05/2015 14:40

If dh and I are out together then one of us will have our phone on the table on silent incase the babysitter calls.

If I'm out with friends then it lives in my bag and I'll only take it out to text dh when I'm waiting for a taxi home.

I hate when people can't go an hour without checking their phone unless they're waiting for an important text or call.

bruffin · 18/05/2015 14:43

I went to the theatre on Friday. Seats in front of us empty until half time when someone decided to take advantage of better seats and then proceded to text through the performance. My teenage ds told her off and she sheepishly put her phone away. She was middle aged, so not young

donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 14:48

bruffin,
what people don't realize when they're texting at the cinema or at the theater, is that the lit-up screen is extremely annoying and distracting to those around.
We had some teenagers sat in front of us at the cinema on Friday.
They thought they were discreetly texting. in the meantime all we could see were bright lights at the corner of our vision, in an otherwise dark area.

donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 14:49

To the posters who say they have to check their phones every 5 minutes in case their children are trying to contact them.

How did your parents manage to bring you up and keep you safe? They didn't have mobiles.