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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still have DS in a cot..?

112 replies

Milkandmarmite · 17/05/2015 21:52

I have one ds, 2.8 years who still sleeps in a cot bed with the sides up.

I haven't taken them down yet as he hasn't figured out how to climb out, so as far as I am concerned the need hasn't yet arisen.

However, I have had more than a few comments now from visitors and family members suggesting that he is FAR TOO OLD to be sleeping in a cot.

AIBU? Surely, it's better he isn't running about the place causing havoc at bed time any earlier than he needs to be?! I am of the mind - all in good time! On a side note, this is also my approach with potty training, he is no where near ready and has absolutely NO interest so I have decided not to push it quite yet. However the raised eyebrows are coming thick and fast for that too...

Sigh, is it me... AIBU?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 18/05/2015 14:15

At DD's 3rd birthday she was still in a cotbed with the sides up, still drinking milk from a bottle at bedtime, and hadn't been potty trained.

When I had this conversation on and off with another very competitive mum recently, I broke, went for the low blow, and pointed out that she sleeps like a dream and also, when we did potty train, she got it in a few days and went dry at night herself within a week.

Never mess with sleep until you have to. Ever.

And they'll do everything else when they are ready.

And blazing, the question about not being able to read in bed to them is about as odd as me asking how on earth you manage to read to your children if you don't have an armchair in the room? Hmm

BigBouncyBalls · 18/05/2015 14:21

My DD is still in her cotbed with the sides up and in a grobag at 3.11.

She's happy, sleeps well and there's no fuss. I mentioned taking them off a couple of months ago and she said she was happy how it was.

She's never tried climbing out and calls for us if she needs us. She's still in a pull-up at night so doesn't need the loo at night.

My DSiL mentioned how awful she thinks it is but I can't say I give a toss. She put my niece in a bed at 18 months and she's had 2 years of battles of getting her to bed and staying there.

She moans about being up until midnight most nights getting her to stay put and then her getting up at 5am.

I don't sweat the small stuff and at least I don't have the trouble she does.

She's not behind at all with anything at nursery and her teacher has commented that she's on par with autumn born children in every way.

Bringmewineandcake · 18/05/2015 14:26

I've just taken the sides off my daughter's cotbed (2.5) and that's purely to get her used to it before our holiday later in the year where she'll have to be in a normal bed.
If he's happy don't worry about it.

Totality22 · 18/05/2015 14:30

We took sides off DS (2.5) cotbed a few months ago to encourage him to sleep in his "big boy bed" as he had been on our floor (on a mattress!!) since we moved in November.

It worked a treat and he went into his 'new' bed and new room with no trouble.

Potty training however is nowhere near as forthcoming. He has shown zero signs so we're waiting until he is a little more ready.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 18/05/2015 14:36

Haha what an odd post blazing. We have a chair in DD's room where she is read to. What exactly would you be judging? How is a vest with poppers hindering development in any way??

Charlotte3333 · 18/05/2015 14:37

DS2 was 4 in January and is still in his cot bed. We took the side off at 3, and he's having his room decorated in the summer holidays when DS1 has his done, so we've bought a proper bed for when we switch over. At the minute he's perfectly happy and secure, and sleeps like an angel (and never slept as a baby, so I clearly recall the utter horror of endless sleepless nights, and refuse to tamper with things unless really necessary).

He also sleeps in a grobag, because he fidgets and moves around constantly. Friends have been a bit "oh, I thought those were for babies" when they've seen, but as PP's have said if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If he's still in a grobag at 14 I might begin to consider removing it. Til then I'm enjoying the peace.

Aermingers · 18/05/2015 14:38

My little boy is 3.2. He's still in his cot. Can't afford a bed at the mo. He has pulled a chair up next to the cot and climbs in and out to go to the loo which is a bit worrying so it's a priority as soon as possible.

One of my 'friends' was moaning he was too old when our kids were 18 months while posting on Facebook all the time that her kid was driving her mad running round his room when he was supposed to be in bed.

missnevermind · 18/05/2015 14:46

We took the sides off DDs cot when she started walking so she could get out by herself and get in our bed without me having to get up to her Grin so just under a year. But we used one of those bed bumper thingies so their is only a small gap at the top ad she doesn't roll out.
But
She is 4 in a couple of months and still sleeps in the same cot, same set up. Just a standard sized cot not a cot bed. She is cozy and independent.

slippermaiden · 18/05/2015 14:54

I'd say definitely keep cool about the potty training, boys take much longer than girls and every child is different. But mine were in a bed at 2. I think if you went to a hotel they would be likely to have a bed ready for him. He won't come to any harm, just seems odd that someone who can probably ride a balance bike or scooter is in a cot.

Rowgtfc72 · 18/05/2015 14:59

Dd was still in a cot bed with sides up when she was three and the height of a four year old. Never tried to climb out and slept like a log. Only took the sides off when she got too heavy to lift. If it works for you then it works!

Roomba · 18/05/2015 16:05

DS1 went into a bed at 18m, as he started standing up in his cot and rocking it so hard that it almost toppled over. He had no problems with falling out of bed or getting out of bed whatsoever - in fact it didn't even occur to him that he could get out of bed by himself until he was about six! He just woke up and shouted 'It's MORNING!' happily and waited for me to come through to him. One day, I was busy feeding his baby brother, so I said 'Why don't you get up and come through here?' and it was like a lightbulb went on above his head! Grin

DS2 is now 2.10 and still in his cot. He doesn't rock it or try to climb out, so it hasn't been an issue for him. He is getting a bit big for it now though so will need to go into a bed fairly soon. I'm not looking forward to that as it's been a nightmare when he's had to stay in a bed elsewhere at relatives houses or on holiday. He just won't stay in bed at bedtime, gets up and runs around, and ends up in bed with me - not what I want to happen when I get new bunk beds next month!

If it works well for you, ignore everyone else. It is irrelevant what they think as they aren't the ones dealing with it.

MerynFuckingTrant · 18/05/2015 18:20

YANBU. If he's happy and you're happy then no need to change it. I do think that once he is potty trained it would be a good idea to take the sides off so he can get to the toilet if he needs to.

TooManyMochas · 18/05/2015 19:33

We moved DS into a bed at around 2.10yrs. We would probably have done it earlier, but having finally persuaded our horror sleeper to mostly sleep through we didn't want to risk messing up his sleep again Grin. He transitioned incredibly well. The mean advantage for us was being able to put him in a normal bed on holiday rather than dragging around a travel cot then we had DS2

Ineedtimeoff · 18/05/2015 20:05

I'm so envious of all these children that sleep happily in their cots until 3 and beyond. My DD would fling herself out the cot at 18months with or without the growbag! She was one of those really independent kids who would shout 'my do it' to everything which mean that everything just took fucking ages.

Fleecyleesy · 18/05/2015 20:09

Im not exactly sure what you mean by sides up. If you mean both sides fully up like you'd have for a baby then I think yabu due to the danger of him being physically capable of climbing over the side, falling and hurting himself. That's my only objection.

If you mean there are just low bars there that he can step over and get out without hurting himself, then fine.

DustyCropHopper · 18/05/2015 20:10

Ds1 and 2 were around 2 and a half when they vacated the vote in preparation for the next baby. Dd was almost 3 and a half because she was the last and no need for her to vacate.

DisappointedOne · 18/05/2015 20:10

ineedtimeoff mine too!

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 18/05/2015 20:12

ineedtimeoff my 18 month old is fiercely independent too, she insists on dressing herself, won't be carried anywhere, won't let anyone do anything for her...

Sleeps in a cot though Smile

1Morewineplease · 18/05/2015 20:58

So ... Not potty trained at 2.8 ??? Ok if it sails your boat but this is why infant schools are now dealing with nappies instead of supporting access to the curriculum... Whatever

meglet · 18/05/2015 21:04

And the problem with not potty training at 2.8 is?

I did mine at 3.2 and 3.4 over an Xmas break. All done in a couple of days. No fannying around with wet clothes ever.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 18/05/2015 21:05

1morewine not being potty trained at 2.8 is completely different to not being potty trained at 4! They could train at 2.9, or 2.10, or 3.2 (you get the point Wink) or indeed whenever he is ready!

Original poster
Milkandmarmite · 18/05/2015 21:10

1morewineplease - my son isn't ready. What is the point of pushing when he isn't ready? It will cause more harm and distress in the long run. Not all children fit in a 'box' and it's not about what 'sails my boat' for goodness sake. We talk about it each day and we will get there when the time is right.

Thank you everyone else for comments on cot. I feel happy that no harm is coming to him at the moment and i am such he will transition over the next few months! :)

OP posts:
ElizabethG81 · 18/05/2015 21:22

I know someone with 3 children who potty trained them all within a couple of days at 3.5. No accidents, they just did it because she waited until they were ready.

Thurlow · 18/05/2015 21:26

I'm a huge advocate for late potty training if them being in nappies isn't a pain. Quicker and easier as the language skills and hence their bribability are better.

MrsMook · 18/05/2015 22:04

Ds1 toilet trained at just after 3. It was very simple then with few accidents. When I dabbled in the summer weather 6 months earlier, he really wasn't ready and it would have been a nightmare to have persisted. He's very independent about the toilet (we bypassed potties) and should be no issue at school in September. His cot sides came down around the time he was 2 as my bump was preventing me from leaning over. Ds2 is 2.1. I have no plans to take his sides down. He can climb in, but he's currently too happy using them as a trampoline rail to try to escape. We recently stopped sleeping bags because he had a stripping phase. He was filling them up too.

I don't see the rush to do it if there's no particular trigger.

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