Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Favouritism at school and star worker

89 replies

JollyPostman · 15/05/2015 12:26

DS has been going to school for nearly a week now. He is 4. Recently he said rather sadly "I'll never be teacher's name's star worker." It turns out that other children (possibly the blonde, calm, well-behaved girls, who all seem to be reading already!) are singled out for a Star Worker certificate from the teacher for excellent work. Part of me feels like that's a great idea and shouldn't be abused and given to all the kids on a rotation basis, as that undermines the value of the cert. But the other part, the part with the son who has not been singled out, is upset for him. He is excellent at maths for his age, but never seems to get any recognition for it. He is a loveable but very fidgety child and I do wonder if that is why ... Anyway, should I mention to teacher, or leave it?

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 15/05/2015 12:51

Try and relax. It really doesn't matter. Build his confidence so he doesn't need a certificate from a teacher who will barely remember his name in a few months.

Anewmeanewname · 15/05/2015 12:51

What exactly are you insinuating with the 'blonde' comment anyway, op?

Moominmarvellous · 15/05/2015 12:57

I wouldn't categorise the children as you have by hair colour etc, but agree it can be demoralising when there's one particular star pupil and the other children give up because they feel they'll never match up.

It tends to vary by teacher though, this only happened one year in DD's school. But then last term she was the substitute teachers 'star' for one week and was chuffed! It's swings and roundabouts, everyone can't be everything all the time.

RachelWatts · 15/05/2015 13:03

I had a word wit DS1's teacher after he came home upset because some children in his class were getting rewards for things DS1 also did, but he didn't get recognition for.

I'd explained to him that people get rewarded for things they find difficult, so the child who got a star for sitting still found sitting still hard, and the child who got a star for good reading found reading a challenge etc.

My fairly bright, generally well-behaved boy had noticed he was being overlooked and was wondering what the point of good behaviour was, if the 'naughty children' (his words) always got given stars.

I told the teacher he was demotivated by being on only his third gold star when some children had already gained their second gold award, so at least 20 stars... I suggested she needed to explain the system to him so he understood.

Instead, I think she realised that she had actually overlooked him, as he then gained seven stars in three days and had his gold award at the end of the week.

StayAtHomeMummy14 · 15/05/2015 13:12

Up until last November I worked in a private school nursery and they have 'Star of the Week'. Whenever parents complained to the teacher that their child hadn't received it yet, the teacher would give it to the said child that week. More often than not the parents would then come in feeling guilty and as if their child hadn't earned it themselves and it was only given due to the complaint. However - I am guessing your child started in reception last September? I am not sure how many children there are in your sons class but it should have surely got round to him. Maybe try and find out if some children have received it twice before your son has even received it once. Boys wriggle! They find it harder to sit still than girls but that doesn't mean a thing - they just learn differently and I would hope the teacher knows that.

AuntyMag10 · 15/05/2015 13:13

Well maybe there are more deserving children every week?

teeththief · 15/05/2015 13:19

I can sympathise. My y5 DS hasn't had any awards this year and they give out 3 different sorts of awards a week. We're in week 30 of the school term now so that's at least 90 awards that have been given out in his class!

Unfortunately I think it is just one of those things you have to get used to

UsainWho · 15/05/2015 13:20

This is DS1, only in his fourth year of primary school has he started getting rewards and that's because this teacher has realised that if she wants the rewards to be an incentive she needs to give them out more often to everyone! In P2 one boy got the bloody elephant 4 times when other kids could never do well enough, every time they improved on one area she would pick on something else they were doing 'wrong'. I mentioned it to the principal teacher for the class but schools always close the defences when you criticise one of them.

I read somewhere that the current gold standard of behaviour in schools is the wee girl sitting colouring quietly in the corner. I know even wee girls don't do that, but you know what image it's trying to find words for.

SomethingFunny · 15/05/2015 13:24

How many children are there in the class and how many weeks have they given star of the week? At my son's school, they have done 28 weeks so far (once all the reception children were full time they gave star of the week). There are 30 children in the class... So that will mean that two of the children haven't got it yet.

Yokohamajojo · 15/05/2015 13:25

I can also sympathise, we have golden book and I can't remember the last time my youngest in Y1 was in it, it seems to be the same pupils who gets it and the homework is impossible for them to do themselves (eg. go out and take photos and do a little booklet or poster type thing) so it falls on the parents to compete...

Luckily it doesn't seem to bother him or he at least hasn't mentioned it. They also do house points and he gets a few of them a week so he seems happy

Maryz · 15/05/2015 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
JollyPostman · 15/05/2015 13:29

There are 35 in the class. TBH I don't know how many children have had a star cert. I definitely know at least 2 little girls have. I have mocked up some certs to give DS at home, so he is much happier now, so for those in the same boat, that may work for a while. Will see about mentioning it to the teacher. It might just make things worse ...

OP posts:
OldBeanbagz · 15/05/2015 13:33

I have this with my two DC. Quiet hardworkers get overlooked in my opinion and i told DS's headmaster as such the other day. (I know this won't help the cause - i was just venting).

Instead I have taught my DC that there is more to life than certificates!

Feminine · 15/05/2015 13:33

At our school, everyone gets a turn.
The awards are individually apt, but still everyone gets one.
Don't stress.

They actually lose interest by about year 4 ime.

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 13:34

So you only know of two other children who's received the star certificate? Confused Why would that point to your child having been left out?

hiccupgirl · 15/05/2015 13:36

If there's 35 in the class then it's probably just hasn't got round to him yet.

My DS finally got his Reception class's star of the week last week and he was the 27th child out of 31 to have it. He isn't amazing at reading or writing and is always well behaved so clearly hasn't stood out enough to get it sooner.

I wouldn't mention it to the teacher unless you are very sure he's been missed out. I was all set it ask about it if my DS hadn't had it after half term but only once I knew they'd been 31 weeks of the school year.

zzzzz · 15/05/2015 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icimoi · 15/05/2015 13:38

Maybe try an innocent inquiry about how the star worker system works and what the criteria are?

oddfodd · 15/05/2015 13:40

Every child gets it in every year. Some children get it later in the year that others. The whole class can't get it before Easter.

I was rolling my eyes at some parent in the playground the other day who earnestly said to me that he was a bit worried because on of his kids hadn't got star of the week yet. I pointed out that there are still 9 weeks of term left and his child's name starts with a Z.

Gigglenhoot · 15/05/2015 13:45

In my view these kind of award systems are lazy classroom management techniques used by teachers and schools who lack imagination and awareness of more effective and inclusive strategies. Generally they turn out to be more trouble then they're worth. If your DC is really upset say everyone will get a turn eventually, and get on with doing something fun together.

FresherThanYou · 15/05/2015 13:52

It's really unfair but teachers DO have favourites im afraid. Teachers all the way through said they were quiet,well behaved & got on with their work, I would rather chew my hand off than go in there and ask them why Blush & thank goodness they've grown up with the good sense to not be the slightest bit bothered by these things. It's hard when they're little but treat it as a learning experience

FresherThanYou · 15/05/2015 13:52

Oops deleted a main bit about ds's having the same thing at school!

Sirzy · 15/05/2015 13:58

DS has had "star of the week" twice in reception. Once because he played with another child with no prompting.

His school pick who gets it based on who has achieved something massive for them. Not based on which parents complain or who has had it the week before. That's how it should be. As long as every child is in with a chance then the teachers can normally keep it pretty fair anyway.

I don't think you can judge based on two known certificates

herethereandeverywhere · 15/05/2015 14:00

I was 'star child' at primary school. I was the brightest in the class and I always did what I was told. It was absolutely horrible to know other peoples parents were complaining about me and that they disliked me for my 'star child' status. [And I did know - easy to overhear parents conversations at parties and playdates].

I hated my time in secondary comp where mediocrity was regularly rewarded. You could be crap and naughty for ages but put in a 'good effort' for once and the rewards - and attention flooded in. If you didn't cause teachers any bother because you effectively taught and policed yourself then you got ignored.

Perhaps your son hasn't done anything worthy of rewarding yet? Perhaps although his maths is good, there are others in the class who are better than him? Perhaps his fidgeting means he isn't doing as well as he could?

My DD hasn't had any class awards yet - I just tell her that means it could be her time next time.

Mrsjayy · 15/05/2015 14:00

I know you are annoyed but dont think the calm blonde (not sure what that is about) girls are favourites your son might never get a certificate this year which is unfair on the children they notice do mention it to his teacher but dont think nice skippy little girls are favoured