Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think they should pick him up?

57 replies

spillyobeans · 14/05/2015 22:02

Sorry if this is a bit long winded but i need to get a perspective from someone else. My DH is going to a funeral tomorrow (a relative that i dont know and not particularly immediate tbh), and his mum and dad are going. Dhs mum has told him to get to theirs for 8am so they can leave together. My mum is visiting for a couple of days and due to go home same morning and i would like to give her a lift to station. I thought it would make more sense for dh to get ready at home and for his mum and dad to pick him up on route...or for my husband to make his own way there. However his mum has said i have to drop him off at theirs, then go back for my mum straight after. AIBU to think shes being a bit controlling expecting him to work around her? I am also very heavily pregnant so its alot more hassle for me

OP posts:

grannytomine · 14/05/2015 22:04

You don't sound unreasonable. How far away are they?

Ninnypie · 14/05/2015 22:11

If your house is on the way to the funeral then yanbu. Why is his mum insisting he goes to theirs first?

SavoyCabbage · 14/05/2015 22:13

If your Dh can make his own way there, then he should tell his mother that's what he is doing.

sooperdooper · 14/05/2015 22:15

Is their house on the way to the station or vice versa, take your mum and dp in the car and drop them both off - although I can't see what it's got to do with his mum as long as he gets there

MediumEnglisch · 14/05/2015 22:16

YANBU - if you aren'ton their route he would go by himself and meet them there. No reason for you to be rushing here and there. What's your Husband's input? Hasn't he mentioned to his parents that it's impractical and unnecessary for you to drive him to their house?

HowDoesThatWork · 14/05/2015 23:35

His mum cannot tell you what you have to do.

You & your husband can decide what works best & he can talk to his mum.

Summerisle1 · 14/05/2015 23:39

There's no reason at all why you should have to jump to your MIL's unreasonable commands. I'm sure you'd like to spend the morning with your mother before she goes home and also, you'll not wanting to be rush around for no good reason when you are heavily pregnant.

Your DP needs to tell his mother that this arrangement doesn't work and that he'll either make his own way there or ask if he can be picked up en route to the funeral.

Happybodybunny12 · 14/05/2015 23:40

Why is his mother organising her adult son and dil.

Don't engage. Do what suits you and dh.

And you may need to emigrate when the baby comes.

Only joking!

Original poster

spillyobeans · 14/05/2015 23:53

We are only 10 mins away from there house, and its not exactly enroute to station for me, but probably more so than for them to come to ours, but i would prefer to spend the morning with my mum like was mentioned. I asked his mum if he could be picked up on route and the excuse was that we are too out of the way and would deprive my fil from a lie in... . Unfortunately my husband seems to think im reacting over nothing (hense why i wanted to get some other opinions). And i think the reason there saying for him to go to theirs first is so they can all go together and so i can have the car to drop my mum off (as though thats a favour...but doesnt seem like it ).

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 15/05/2015 06:21

I'd they have said it's out of the way then it isn't enroute to the funeral. If someone is giving me a lift I always make my way to theirs

Littlefish · 15/05/2015 06:26

Tell your dh to sort this out and arrange to be picked up by them.

"Sorry mum, but spilly is using the car this morning so please can you come and pick me up". (repeat, repeat, repeat)

It's an argument over nothing. They don't get to dictate what you and dh do, but unfortunately, your dh is letting them.

NRomanoff · 15/05/2015 06:30

Yanbu to not want to take him. Mil is bu telling you what you should do. Yabu to be annoyed that she is telling you what to do while thinking they should do what you want them to do.

If you don't want to give dh a lift, he needs to sort it. Either he should have asked if they can pick him up or he should make his own way there.

Does your dh think you are overreacting because he thinks you should give him a life or because he thinks you are both being as unreasonable as each other?

Annabannbobanna · 15/05/2015 06:34

It is not enroute if it is not actually on the way to the funeral though. You could either drop him off or your Mom could get a cab?

MythicalKings · 15/05/2015 06:40

I can see why MiL wants them to all go together but why doesn't your DH just get a taxi?

Whyjustwhy · 15/05/2015 06:47

It's 10 minutes away, so 20 mins there and back, for an 8am drop off.

What time will you need to leave for your mum to catch her train?

SuchSweetSorrow · 15/05/2015 06:49

surely it's not too much to drive a little out of your way to pick your son up?!

Jengnr · 15/05/2015 06:52

Why do you have to be involved at all? Surely your husband is old enough to make his own travel arrangements?

NRomanoff · 15/05/2015 06:55

surely it's not too much to drive a little out of your way to pick your son up?!

By the same token, surely its not too much to go out of your way to drop your dh off.

Reddragon116 · 15/05/2015 07:03

Jengnr when people arexa couple and by the sound of of it only have one car they usually share ! Hes not some random hes her husband - i find this 'he/she" is old enough to make their own arrangmet/tea/do own washing/ hoilday eyc so weird when the thread isxabout a family

Op you are pregnant andclooking at this a little hormonally perhaps . why does your 20 minsxwith your mum trump your fil need forca lie in when its your husband who needs the transport? Unless youvare 'ill' pregnant your being slightly entitled .either suggest your husband walk or just take your mum with you ? Such a bloody non problem I hope your emotions calm down soon !

MediumEnglisch · 15/05/2015 07:04

If its only a 20 minute round trip it's all a storm in a tea cup - that's such a tiny amount of time out of either party's morning

I guess the issue is "his mum says I have to..." makes you sound about 12...

My advice is to live further apart and remind your DH you are an adult woman and his relationship with his mum is for him to manage - you'd like a good adult to adult relationship with his mum but won't be bring told what you have to do by anyone outside a work context!

Living in extended family's pockets often sounds exhausting and makes it difficult for some people to move to a relationship of equals rather than what sounds like a parent - teen relationship long into the "child's" 20s or 30s...

Jengnr · 15/05/2015 07:10

Of course Reddragon but the OP isn't available to help him. She wants the time with her mum, her FIL wants a lie in = husband gets the bus, walks or calls a bloody cab.
Yes people generally share stuff but that doesn't negate the individual having the ability to sort their own shit out.

Original poster

spillyobeans · 15/05/2015 07:30

The thing that kind of annoyed me was the principle (we drop them off/run about for them and vice versa alot so i dont mind the actual dropping off), its more the fact that they live 5 mins away and my mum has to fly up to see me and i only had 2 days with her, so a morning together meant alot in my eyes. And yes, more the mum dictating to my dh what he 'needs' to do - however dh thinks too its a non problem and that if i feel she is being overbearing its my issue and i need to speak to her and not me. I know it does seem like a non issue (hense why i asked aibu lol) but she does alot of controlling/trying to control dh and alot of little issues are really getting to me! Maybe i am too emotional just now :s

OP posts:

Iggi999 · 15/05/2015 07:33

I do think time with mum, staying with them for a few days so presumably not living nearby unlike inlaws, trumps fil having 20 more mins in bed.
But perhaps mil is dealing with a bullish husband who refuses to compromise, and leaves her to sort out how it will work just as OP is being expected to do
OP I would let him take the car, spend a relaxed morning with your mum and then pay for a taxi to the station.

Reddragon116 · 15/05/2015 07:34

Spilly - book a taxi or ask him to walk - i can so understand the little controlling things hence just sort somthing else. If its your 1st baby start thinking about those mil boundaries nowc!

SunshineAndShadows · 15/05/2015 07:37

It's not a Morning, it's 20 minutes. Your PIL are already doing you a favour by giving ur DH a lift so that you can keep the car. Either tell him you're not willing to give him 20 minutes and he'll have to get a bus/taxi, or drop him off. Why should your PIL have to go out of their way for your convenience? This doesn't sound like your PIL dictating, it sounds like them offerring a lift, which is a favour. Why should they also go out of their way to collect your DH? You're both adults, you should be able to organise it.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread