to think they should pick him up?

[spillyobeans]

Sorry if this is a bit long winded but i need to get a perspective from someone else. My DH is going to a funeral tomorrow (a relative that i dont know and not particularly immediate tbh), and his mum and dad are going. Dhs mum has told him to get to theirs for 8am so they can leave together. My mum is visiting for a couple of days and due to go home same morning and i would like to give her a lift to station. I thought it would make more sense for dh to get ready at home and for his mum and dad to pick him up on route...or for my husband to make his own way there. However his mum has said i have to drop him off at theirs, then go back for my mum straight after. AIBU to think shes being a bit controlling expecting him to work around her? I am also very heavily pregnant so its alot more hassle for me

could he not just walk there? or get a taxi?

omg spilly that sounds a nightmare....any chance of moving ?
that seems way too involved ..I'm with Medium here you need some boundary work as a pair here....

Maybe think about what you want first before having the conversation with dh with concrete examples and also just start saying no when it doesn't suit you -

I have used the 'sorry that doesn't work for me/us' and repeat and also with changing the subject with great success- with lots of people. As realised I tend toward the very flexible and accommodating and others less so....

Thanks for all your suggestions, im going to plan to sit down with dh and try and work out boundaries together as i think he doesnt understand where im coming from, and maybe i overeact at some things as well so i guess we will have to compromise! I would love to move further away however its just not an option for us financially or job wise!

mil insisted he must go to theres first so to check he was wearing the right stuff and didnt need a help ironing (which i had told her we had already obviously sorted out as we are 2 capable adults

I've read your latest update too, OP - your DH needs to be reminded that he is a capable adult. Otherwise your relationship with his mother is going to be challenging in the extreme - not to mention your relationship with him.

I'm trying to imagine how my adult sons would react if I insisted on checking them over before they went out anywhere...

babyboomers its just weird isnt it!!

I'm still not sure why your DH didn't just say something like 'it's ok mum, I can manage to get myself dressed for a funeral, I'll see you there'?

youmakemyheartsmile my exact question to him, and he just thought i was absurd for thinking it was an issue

I think im married to a man-child sob