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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ridiculous demands from theatre group

163 replies

nameyname · 14/05/2015 13:19

Name changed as I think this might me identifiable! DDs are in a theatre group which does a show with adults and kids each year (Oliver type of thing). Middle dd has been doing it for four years, youngest started this year and older dd auditioned every year but not been in it before this year as she has never been offered a main part before.

They are expected to rehearse for two hours every week but older dd has a role that means she is not in a group with the other children but in different scenes so she has to go to extra rehearsals on a different night and attend the main rehearsal where she is often hanging about for ages to do her but as they insist on running it in order rather than letting her do her bits and go home. She doesn't really mind but is really irritated by the fact that the adults who aren't involved with a scene are often invited by the director to comment on what they've just seen but she is never allowed to offer an opinion.

She came back last night from rehearsal really fuming because director told her off for not having learnt all her lines yet and made her feel bad because she couldn't do it off by heart yet, I know they need to learn lines but the show is still a month away so she's got ages to prepare.

The other thing that is really annoying me is that they are expected to provide costumes which are going to cost me a fortune for three kids, this is supposed to be a free activity but in reality it's going to cost me over £100 by the time I've bought costumes and tickets.

So the question is wibu to have a word with the director to point out that this sort of thing is supposed to be fun but her attitude is sucking all the joy out of it for my family, specially dd1?

OP posts:
AreYouSureGeorgeBernard · 14/05/2015 16:40

Sorry, I wouldn't be asking for the opinion of a thirteen year old child either. You'd do your daughter a massive favour if you taught her that being "fuming" because her expert, 13 year old opinion on the adults around her wasn't sought is a sure sign that she's not mature enough to voice it.

Why doesn't she spend the time "hanging around" learning the lines she still doesn't know?

iklboo · 14/05/2015 16:40

And wait till tech run, dress rehearsal, set build, set strike......

Icimoi · 14/05/2015 16:50

it does seem like a massive waste of time though to be waiting around for hours every week. I can't believe people put up with that as standard.

Trust me, it's absolutely standard. Go and ask the likes of Judi Dench, the Redgraves, Ian McKellen and in fact any eminent theatre actor - they will tell you that that is what rehearsals consist of. There is, quite simply, no way to avoid it. If you want to be in the theatre, you have to learn to put up with that and use the waiting time to do something constructive, like learning your lines. If you don't want to do that, the theatre is not for you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/05/2015 16:53

Why doesn't she spend the time "hanging around" learning the lines she still doesn't know? Yep.

Runwayqueen · 14/05/2015 17:02

Wow! My jaw is on the ground. 17years of being on stage, backstage and directing here in an am dram capacity.

Your dd needs a massive reality check Hmm

taxi4ballet · 14/05/2015 17:14

I spent years in amdram too, and there is a LOT of waiting around, especially towards the end of rehearsals when the scenes are run in order and you have to hang about for your bit.

Learning your lines early is always a good plan, because however good an actor you are, you can't actually 'act' the role until you know the words! Incidentally, it is helpful to learn other peoples' lines in your scenes as well, because then you know what your cues are, and if they fluff their lines you can ad-lib to fill in the gaps. There's nothing worse than waiting for a cue that doesn't come!

If the theatre group is anything like the ones I have been involved in, then the other adult actors have probably been the director of previous productions, which would explain why this director is occasionally seeking their opinion about things - they are experienced in directing too. Quite normal.

And £100 for 3 dc's for the whole thing? Think yourself lucky. My dd is a dancer and she costs me the best part of £1,000 a term.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/05/2015 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleturkish · 14/05/2015 17:39

YABU

And if she's waiting around for all that time- how has she not learnt her lines yet?? Not hard to learn lines, not exactly a 'talented experienced actress' if she still hasn't done it.

And 13?? No way should the director be expected to ask her opinion.

Do yourself a favour, make this her last non-school production, she really isn't cut out for it.

NurseRoscoe · 14/05/2015 17:52

Whilst I don't know as much about theatre as some of you do, only having been in school productions and dance shows, I DO think some of these responses are a little harsh, even if they ARE true.

13 is a difficult age. It's in between wanting to be an adult (hence the wanting her opinions to be listened to) and still really being a child (not wanting to hang around and expecting her scenes to be done straight away so she can go home as she is young) It really can't be both. I think both you and her OP need to decide which way it is going to be. Does she want to be treated like an adult and be listened to, therefore act like one and learn her lines and be patient waiting around, or is she not ready for this yet and therefore should accept that she is a child and keep quiet about the actions of adults?

That was still put quite bluntly, however that is more than likely the way the director will see it, along with other adults, either she is treated the same as the adults, or the same as the other children. Not have special treatment adapted just for her.

Starlightbright1 · 14/05/2015 17:53

My 8 year old wants to offer me his opinion on everything, However I am not interested on his opinion on everything despite him been my DS.. So I can imagine the director is not interested in your 13 year olds either.

He may be more interested if she contributed and didn't think the chorus was beneath her and actually learned her lines instead of trying to give her opinion on someone who has.

I actually thought reverse at first no one really thinks like this but I am guessing I am wrong.

QueenofallIsee · 14/05/2015 18:08

OP you should most certainly tell the director your concerns. Exactly as you have here, explaining the breadth of your DDs talent and your views on directing a show effeciently. What a fucking liberty!.And in a show of support I INSIST in being there and filming the reactions. Just, you know, for INFORMATION purposes

reallywittyname · 14/05/2015 18:13

Dear OP

You are being THAT parent.

Stop it.

ChampagneBabyCakes · 14/05/2015 18:46

Love the united front of the responses on this thread.

You really think it's ok for your DD not to know her lines?

Who should pay for her costume?

Does she critique your ability as a mother the same way you would have her comment on the other cast members acting?

The bit that made me laugh most was when you thought her scenes should be rehearsed first and then she should go home. Don't you think the whole cast would fancy this?

scarletforya · 14/05/2015 19:02

I don't understand why you think she should be prioritised specially? What did you mean by 'should be allowed to do her bits and then go home' ??

Do you mean because she is 13 and everyone else in an adult? Confused

balletnotlacrosse · 15/05/2015 10:33

I spoke about this thread last night to a friend who is a professional actress. She laughed and asked why I thought she was so good at knitting. Yes, because of all the waiting around! It's a normal part of the job and proves that even the most interesting and glamorous sounding professions have their boring and tedious elements.

coolaschmoola · 15/05/2015 10:51

She is experienced in school plays....

This ISN'T school op, in this environment she has NO experience.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/05/2015 11:56

"it does seem like a massive waste of time though to be waiting around for hours every week. I can't believe people put up with that as standard."

Nameyname - why is it a waste of time for your dd to watch adult actors rehearsing - she might learn something from them.

Why does your dd not need to know how her scenes/her part fit into the whole show?

Why is it not beneficial for your dd to see the overall direction the director is taking for the work, so she can bring her performance into line with that?

Why isn't she spending the time she's hanging around, to learn her lines?

And why, oh why, are you letting her get away with the 'If I can't have a major part, I don't want ANY part' attitude? That alone makes her sound like a spoiled little diva! When she has to join the world of work, will she be turning down any job that isn't at Director level? Will you tell her it is OK for her to wait to be offered the top job in the company? Or will you tell her that everyone has to start somewhere, and work their way up? Because frankly the theatre is no different! You are doing her no favours at all.

But you are not going to listen to any of this are you?

OP - AIBU??

Everyone else - yes, and this is why.

OP - you are all wrong and horrible.

Repeat ad nauseam.

Musicaltheatremum · 15/05/2015 11:59

A unanimous thread I think. Wow. Wish the OP would come back.

Icimoi · 15/05/2015 12:06

I would love to know exactly how OP thinks the director could organise rehearsals so there is never any waiting around. It would only conceivably be feasible if the play were a series of very short scenes with a separate cast for each scene.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/05/2015 12:18

I don't think she would care if other actors had to wait around - as long as her precious snowflake didn't!

monkeymamma · 16/05/2015 11:09

Any activity that all three of your children do will 'cost a fortune'. It's coz there are three of them. If anything they are getting quite a lot of activity for £33ish per head. It's not the director's fault you have three kids!

SoldierBear · 16/05/2015 11:19

Oh this thread is brilliant!

OP, on the off chance that this is not a complete wind-up, YABU.

Can you stand back and see that everything you have written about your DD screams that she has an attitude problem? She is not an experienced actress, and whether or not she has talent, due to her lack of experience her talent will need to be nurtured and developed. In other words, she needs to be trained. And she needs to accept that, rather than thinking that because she is so much better than everyone else she should be pandered to with rehearsals arranged around her and her opinion sought.

It is shocking that she hasn't bothered to earn her lines. If she want to be treated like a valued member of this cast, then she has to become valuable, which means turning up when she is supposed to turn up, fully prepared and not moaning when she is not the centre of attention.

If she continues to demonstrate such bratty behaviour I doubt there will be a part for her in any future productions.

TheAssassinsGuild · 16/05/2015 11:28

Whilst I think YABU, you would not BU if you decide that this sort if thing just isn't for your DD and that she doesn't do it again.

Marynary · 16/05/2015 11:34

YABVU. Two hours rehearsal a week is totally normal. Waiting around is also totally normal. Not learning her lines is very unfair to the rest of the cast. You seem to think that everything should revolve around your dd and she has perhaps also got this attitude from you.

FenellaFellorick · 16/05/2015 11:38

Good grief.

You know, the best thing you can do for your child is to tell them they aren't above a place in the chorus!

Being in a play is not just about knowing your part - not that she even knows that! - it's about knowing the play. Knowing how it all fits together. Knowing the other performers.

My eldest has been in lots of school musicals. He was in the chorus at first and by having a good attitude, by being a team player, by putting allthe hours in and never thinking himself too good to start at the back he EARNED larger roles.
He now has a place on a performing arts course.

Your daughter cannot expect to be parachuted into leading roles and be above learning lines and being there for the 'boring' (aka eyes not on me) bits.

She needs to be more humble than she is and you need to help her. You are failing her if you don't sit down with her and put her straight.