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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the company shouldn't tell me what to wear to funeral

75 replies

sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:22

One of my colleagues died very suddenly this week. She was in her 30s, seemed perfectly well, collapsed and died.
Naturally we are all very shocked and sad, and naturally we want to go to her funeral.
The company has emailed everyone funeral details and to instruct us to wear uniform.
Frankly this irritates me. Who the hell do they think they are to tell me what to wear to a funeral?!
Is this a thing? That companies feel they own a person even at theor funeral?

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 14/05/2015 11:23

Well, it's not thing, but many people aren't sure what to wear to a funeral, so it might help them.
And the funeral is about the deceased and their family, so I'd just suck it up.

Sirzy · 14/05/2015 11:23

It's a nice way of the company showing they are paying their respects as a company. Personally I don't see a problem with it, but if your not happy then wear something else.

I am a member of a voluntary organisation and if one of our members dies it is normal practice for us to attend the funeral in uniform.

Farahilda · 14/05/2015 11:25

If you knew her outside work, then you would be attending as a friend and you follow the dress code (if any) that applies.

If you did not know her outside work, I think it's entirely appropriate for the work uniform to be worn. It sounds as if management are providing the opportunity for everyone to take the time to attend as part of a workplace tribute. I really don't see a problem with that.

GloGirl · 14/05/2015 11:26

Kind of depends on your uniform And whether it's smart enough imo.

A Tesco tabard, no. Flight attendant, makes sense.

If you don't want to, don't. They can hardly discipline you for it!

Leviticus · 14/05/2015 11:26

The family may have requested it.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:27

Dido that is just it, the funeral is about the deceased, not the company. This uniform thing is nothing to do with the deceased or her family's wishes, Culturally it is unacceptable to wear uniform to a funeral as it is considered marketing, but they ae ignoring this and wanting to wave the company flag.

OP posts:
Mistigri · 14/05/2015 11:27

For me whether this is reasonable or not would depend on whether you were attending the funeral in a personal capacity (as a close friend or relative) or as a colleague.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:28

OK just to be clear. The family has not requested it. In the family's culture it is deemed inappropriate.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 14/05/2015 11:29

I don't think they can tell you what to wear, but they may have spoken to the deceased family who have suggested this or agreed to it.
However, if you don't feel comfortable wearing uniform wear something else.
Obviously don't turn up in black if it's the families wish for you to wear colourful clothes.
Some, prefer this if the person was young, my ds2 had to wear purple at one of his friends funerals.

CSIJanner · 14/05/2015 11:29

Is there a HR department? Are they aware of this?

Roseformeplease · 14/05/2015 11:29

I would say, if you are Armed Services, then OK. If you all work in a pub wearing matching T-shirts, not OK. If you all wear some kind of simple corporate logo on a blue / black uniform, a bit iffy. If you uniform is bright red or you work for Easyjet. Definitely No.

Does your uniform fit in with what would normally be worn at a funeral?

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:30

fara no we are not attending in work time, at first we were told 10 staff would be selected to attend as work could not continue with more absentees. But so many of us are friends with her that her family organised funeral for a Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:32

Rose no our uniform is not elegant, attractive or really anything to be seen in beyond the workplace.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 14/05/2015 11:34

If it's your own time then they can't dictate a thing.

HagOtheNorth · 14/05/2015 11:35

Can the family request that attendees don't wear the uniform?

rebelfor · 14/05/2015 11:38

But so many of us are friends with her that her family organised funeral for a Saturday.

So her work colleagues could attend?!

Gigglenhoot · 14/05/2015 11:43

YANBU. Wear what you want, sounds like you know your friends family and what would be respectful. Your employer seems controlling & oppurtunistic, wholly inappropriate for such sad circumstances. I'm sorry of your loss OP.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:44

Yes rebel so her friends could attend. We were going to be prevented by the company so family has rearranged. Now company is doing an ownership thing.

OP posts:
ShadowFire · 14/05/2015 11:45

If you're going on your own time, then I don't see how the company can make you wear uniform.

Particularly if it's culturally inappropriate and not a smart uniform.

WyrdByrd · 14/05/2015 11:45

If it's on a Saturday and unacceptable to the family then the company should jog on.

In other circumstances I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with it.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:46

Thanks Giggle

We are government funded and our instructions come from a government dept who of course don't know any of us.

OP posts:
rebelfor · 14/05/2015 11:46

Well that's ridiculous then, the family clearly want her friends there, but don't want them in uniform, and the company still won't budge?
Shame on them.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:47

Shadow I agree they canot enforce it and I certainly won't be wearing it. Just annoys me. They cared so little for her yet seem to want to take over

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 14/05/2015 11:49

In the family's culture it is deemed inappropriate
Have you told your workplace this?

Pippa12 · 14/05/2015 11:52

No chance, if I was going in my own time I would be wearing what was respectful to my friend and their family- if the workplace couldn't be respectful enough to shut for a few hours (excluding hospitals etc) then they definitely don't get to fly the company flag- in fact I think it's disgraceful!