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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the company shouldn't tell me what to wear to funeral

75 replies

sugarman · 14/05/2015 11:22

One of my colleagues died very suddenly this week. She was in her 30s, seemed perfectly well, collapsed and died.
Naturally we are all very shocked and sad, and naturally we want to go to her funeral.
The company has emailed everyone funeral details and to instruct us to wear uniform.
Frankly this irritates me. Who the hell do they think they are to tell me what to wear to a funeral?!
Is this a thing? That companies feel they own a person even at theor funeral?

OP posts:
DustWitch · 14/05/2015 11:53

Sorry for your loss.

I agree that the company can not dictate what you wear if it's not in paid work time!

FenellaFellorick · 14/05/2015 11:54

If culturally it would be an insult to the family then you HAVE to tell your managers and agree with your colleagues that you will not do something so massively disrespectful.

SnowyPiglet · 14/05/2015 11:55

So if the family think it is inappropriate, I wouldn't wear uniform! Does the company know this? Surely they wouldn't do something on purpose that will upset the family?! And if it's a Saturday, you are not in company time so you should wear what you deem appropriate (assuming you don't normally work on a Saturday?)

Lillygolightly · 14/05/2015 11:58

Since the funeral is not taking place on work time I see no reason why anyone should be asked to wear uniform. You are attending the funeral on your own time and as a friend to pay your respects...you are not paying respects on behalf of the company!

I have to say I find it very bad taste that you be asked to wear the company uniform. Would they have asked you the same if you were attending an employees wedding....I think not! If they want to pay respects as a company/organisation there are other more dignified ways to go about it.

MirandaGoshawk · 14/05/2015 12:00

If the funeral is on a Saturday & you're not going in work time, then I would wear my own clothes and say I'm going as a friend.

I once worked for a company that wouldn't let us carry supermarket carrier bags outside work if we were wearing our uniform [yes, it's true!). So you could say to the company that you are concerned you will be very upset get drunk at the wake and bring the company into disrepute Hmm

SurelyYoureJokingMrFeynman · 14/05/2015 12:01

Good grief, what appalling behaviour.

Is the family using a funeral director?

If so, perhaps they would have good suggestions about what to do. I wonder if they might contact the company and ask them to inform staff that the family have requested uniforms not be worn.

Hoppinggreen · 14/05/2015 12:02

Sorry for your loss.
They can't tell you what to wear to a non company event at a weekend.
I would speak to HR

wobblebobblehat · 14/05/2015 12:03

Outside of work time?

No, I would wear what I want. They can hardly discipline you for disobeying orders.

I was asked to send out a similarly stupid email to staff shortly after starting a new job. I never heard the end of it! In future, I will only do things I agree with!

SurelyYoureJokingMrFeynman · 14/05/2015 12:03

And sorry to hear about the loss of your colleague.

Original poster
sugarman · 14/05/2015 12:06

The company knows it is culturally inappropriate. Honestly they are so caught up in policies and procedures that they miss the point about stuff that matters.

Thank you everyone for letting me blow off steam.

I will wear my funeral best. Some of my colleagues will oblige the code, others will defy. I giess I just feel a bit annoyed that we are even having to think about this but probably should just ignore.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/05/2015 12:11

Like fuck would I turn up to a funeral wearing my uniform. That'd be like going in my old Sainsburys uniform.

I'd refuse out of respect and decency to a grieving family who just suddenly lost someone. I'd bloody tell the company that too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/05/2015 12:12

omg I'm so shocked. how could they deem this appropriate Shock

basically advertising at a funeral. unless your military or emergency services or something where it's a mark of respect.

If it's in your own time wear your own clothes and I hope someone can make the company see sense.

so sorry for your loss Flowers

Collaborate · 14/05/2015 12:19

Tell them you'll be attending an your personal capacity, not professional, so will wear what you like.

Viviennemary · 14/05/2015 12:23

If you're not attending in work time then they have absolutely no right to insist you wear the uniform. Even if you were attending in work time they shouldn't expect it if people would rather not and if the family haven't requested it. I think you should inform your company that the family think uniform is inappropriate and you will be conforming with the family's wishes.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 14/05/2015 12:25

You're right, just ignore and go in what you know the family would feel is appropriate. I think I would want to let off steam too, I hate the way some companies think they own their employees.

101handbags · 14/05/2015 12:33

I went to a funeral the other week. The girl worked in a well-known supermarket and many workers turned up in their uniforms. I presumed it was because they'd just come from work and the company had given them the hour off to attend. If it's not in your working hours, or even if it is - you won't actually be at work or representing the company - then I don't realty see how they can make you wear what they say.

Momagain1 · 14/05/2015 12:34

Uniform is completely unreasonable in this case.

Deceased's family would be insulted
Not company time
Not a company activity
Company is not military/emergency services where such is expected
Nor is the deceased some 50 year employee that has made the company her life and would appreciate the thought.

Dress for a funeral. Any fallout is worth the legal fees.

Icimoi · 14/05/2015 12:38

Is this something like one of the big security companies? I must say the thought of a group of people turning up in something like a G4S or Capita uniform is particularly crass.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/05/2015 13:04

Absolutely inappropriate!

If you know how offended the family will be - please tell HR!

I hope your friend has the send off she deserves. Flowers

tiggytape · 14/05/2015 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnCusacksWife · 14/05/2015 13:16

A government department has instructed the staff of a separate company what to wear to a funeral? Really?? Are you in the UK?

VelvetRose · 14/05/2015 13:22

That is totally inappropriate I agree. I think you should wear something other than uniform. I remember when my school friend died when I was 15 our head of year saying to me "yes, I think it's appropriate for you to go to the funeral"! I was a total square normally but I said to her "she was my friend, I'm not asking your permission!" I get exactly what you mean.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/05/2015 13:23

You could tell them that turning up a funeral in work uniform is crass and that it would be bad publicity.

balletnotlacrosse · 14/05/2015 13:26

Why is a Govt dept getting involved? Just because they fund a company doesn't mean they can dictate on issues like this.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 14/05/2015 13:31

If you work in the armed forces or the police force it would be expected and encouraged to attend in uniform as a mark of respect, I'd guess. Maybe even if you're all nurses, you could imagine that being quite nice.

Other than that you'd all look like fools really. I'm imagining you all in a logo'd jumper. Yanbu.