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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be over the moon with the way mediaton went?

126 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 14/05/2015 08:25

I particularly enjoyed these bits

Ex: I have no problems. I don't even know why this is happening. When they said that someone was gonna be coming round I thought it was gonna be someone who'd help her with the house and that and explain that it's not good for kids to be living like this. It's making them smell.

Mediator: So what do you think you can do about the children smelling?

Ex: Confused

Mediator: Do you think if they came to your house you could wash their clothes and shower them?

Ex: Well, yeah and I do, but that's not the point is it? When they're with her they smell and they'll get bullied

Mediator: Okay, but social services have already investigated at your behest and they were happy with the way the children are cared for. Do you think the smell might be your issue?

Ex:

Mediator: So showering them and washing their clothes would be a way of dealing with that?

and

Ex: She lets them go to school all scruffy with grey shirts and holey socks and dd2 is always covered in mud and I dunno what else.

Mediator: So if you are not happy with your children's uniform what can you do about it? They are your children aren't they?

Ex: Well yeah but...

Mediator: Could you buy them new uniform if you think they need it?

Ex: Angry

He sat with a face like a slapped arse throughout the whole thing. I doubt it's gonna help with his attitude, he still insists he is right and me and the mediator are wrong but boy did I enjoy watching it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 14/05/2015 14:22

Sorry, x-posted with Pis. Yes, I have in the past felt the need to constantly check with people that my house is fine and my children do not smell. The CAF worker asking to see the conditions in the house was a bit of relief to me, tbh, I would finally know whether my house was okay or not, even though I already knew it was fine, iyswim?

I sometimes still do get a bit paranoid based on things he's said to or about me and my house, but this is improving. I know I still have a ways to go, this is why I asked for support from the family separation service and why I requested that we meet in my home and not in a neutral place or the school. I do, still, to some degree, feel I need to prove myself to ex and his family, hopefully this will continue to improve with time and support.

I have now stopped asking every delivery driver or workman who enters my house what they can smell Grin

OP posts:
Pispcina · 14/05/2015 14:24

Worra, you have no reason to think that. You see what you choose to see, and read between the lines, rather than taking the posts at face value.

No one is asking you to join in and support the OP. Plenty of us are willing to do that. I don't see any of it as point scoring. Not at all.

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 14:25

X posts Doin.

You come across to me as totally genuine and I hope you continue to post. You are doing fine.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2015 14:29

Pispcina I have every reason to think that, otherwise I wouldn't think it.

I was actually showing BOF some support because she (like a few other posters in the past) appeared to be getting jumped on, for stating an opinion on the OP's situation, that didn't follow the party line.

You're right. The OP has plenty of it here.

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 14:32

Provide your sources and I may think about taking you seriously.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2015 14:40

Provide your sources and I may think about taking you seriously

What the actual fuck? Self important much? Grin

I couldn't give a passing toss if you take me seriously or not.

I have no intention of providing links/copy and pasting the OP's past posts, if that's what you're asking. That would be a nasty and pretty invasive thing to do.

I've given my opinion and it's my right to do so without having to provide proof or justification for it.

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 14:43

I think you're wrong, and I don't think you can show a scrap of anything that suggests otherwise. It's just, as you say, opinion. Based on reading between the lines.

Whatever.

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/05/2015 14:44

I am loving 'hitting f5 like a sealion'.

Pipscina - I also agree with BOF who is an eminently sensible poster who is very kind.

I feel for the DD who is constantly washing - that must be horrid for her.

Dooin - I hope your situation improves.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2015 14:46

It's your right to think I'm wrong Pispcina

I have no problem with that at all.

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 14:49

Very kind? How can you say that after she posted as she did on this thread?

Seriously how?

I think she's just letting off against someone she doesn't think much of, for no particular reason.

That's not kind.

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/05/2015 14:56

Because for many years on here I've seen BOF be incredibly kind to posters.

And to be fair to Dooin she doesn't seem to be taking umbrage regarding what has been said.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 14/05/2015 15:01

pisp, asking people to 'provide sources' sounds awfully like trollhunting. No one should be going trawling through Dooin's posts, or BOFs, to prove a point to you.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 14/05/2015 15:07

BOF is entitled to her opinion. I'm not overly upset about it and don't feel the need to get excessively defensive (I don't think I'm being defensive?)

I'm a bit confused by her comments on the hygiene of my home, I quite enjoy cleaning and in the past when I've mentioned my enjoyment of cleaning on MN I've been accused of being OCD. It would seem my house sways between being unhygienic and too clean Confused Grin but if she feels I come across as if I am hiding something, then that's how she feels. As I say, she entitled to her opinion.

Dd1 is very anxious. She's a naturally anxious person and the relationship breakdown, the issues with ex's controlling and abusive behaviour towards myself and the children before the break up and the continued tension between ex and myself along with other things has caused her some problems, for which I have sought help for her.

I don't believe dd2 is unhappy in anyway. Of course I could be wrong but she seems largely unaffected by all that has gone on.

I need to go collect the DC now and then I'm visiting my gran, so I won't be about for a bit but I haven't gone off in a huff and I have no issues with BOF.

OP posts:
MarniRose · 14/05/2015 15:25

From what I've read over the years I don't think this OP is a particularly effective parent and anyone who has rats in a bedroom must stink surely? ( nobody will be able to convince me otherwise btw - rodents in cages next to sleeping children is vile

MarniRose · 14/05/2015 15:25

And the sea lion comment made me Grin

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 14/05/2015 15:27

if you can't rage about your ex on mn, where can you do it?

plus, if everyone realised there was another, unspoken side to every story, all of AIBU would be tumbleweed. Not to mention relationships

Dooin you iron stuff

to me, this makes you Anthea Flamin Turner

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 14/05/2015 15:29

mind you there's a hamster (aka The Fat Mouse) in my kids' bedroom, so what do I know

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 14/05/2015 15:43

No comment on the OP but I am PMSL at "provide evidence" like anything posted on here can be relied on for factual accuracy and a lack of biasGrin

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 14/05/2015 15:45

I've said this on a couple of threads recently, that some people give out so much info on what is a public forum. Fine if you're an adult but I think DC are entitled to privacy, online as well as in RL.

I think Dooin is to be applauded for leaving her arse of an ex, but I think a lot of the info posted over the years is a breach of DCs privacy. I wouldn't dream of writing some of this stuff about my DC, for public consumption. Discussions of their mental health, their issues...so much RL identifying info being given out to the world.

It just makes me uneasy, it seems unfair and perhaps a little unhealthy - it reminds me very much of TLES - for older posters!

Aermingers · 14/05/2015 15:51

I agree with Worra and I don't think the mediator is doing her job properly. The point of a mediator is to help resolve conflict and find an acceptable middle ground.

A mediator who takes sides is, by definition, doing it wrong.

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 15:53

Because for many years on here I've seen BOF be incredibly kind to posters.

So have I (and I've been here longer than she has, I think, so I know who she is). This seems out of character, which is why I questioned it.

No one should be going trawling through Dooin's posts, or BOFs, to prove a point to you.

Not asking her to. A short precis of why she thinks what she thinks, would be fine.

Marni, your personal feelings about rats are neither here nor there.

The OP has done nothing unusual in asking for advice about her family, including giving details about her children, as many other MNers do.

As for trollhunting - mention of TLES, and BOF's original contribution this afternoon are what I would consider more akin to that, than asking a poster who agree with Bof to explain why she does.

OP I'm glad you're not bothered at what has been said. That's a relief to me.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 14/05/2015 15:59

A short precis? Confused

What's wrong with her posts? They're not exactly War and Peace.

The OP is getting a range of responses, just like most people do. She doesn't seem remotely fussed about it, so I'm not sure why you are. What's your stake in all of this?

Pispcina · 14/05/2015 16:02

Bof and Worra appeared to imply that the OP was being disingenuous. I wanted them to explain why instead of just shit stirring.

That's about it.

MarniRose · 14/05/2015 16:10

Gosh you seem very over involved piscpina. And I don't care if you think my views on rats in bedrooms are neither here nor there. I happen to think your over excited posts are neither here nor there n'all ..

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2015 16:11

I've read my post back and I think I made my feelings clear enough.

Had I made them any clearer, it could well have looked like a personal attack on the OP, which would not be my intention.

WRT 'shit stirring', I think asking for further explanation is doing exactly that.

No-one else has mentioned they thought my post was unclear, or needed anything further added to it.

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