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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong to do this in the supermarket

102 replies

balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 12:13

I was queueing at the checkout yesterday. A woman in front, with a loaded trolley, suddenly dashed off down one of the aisles. I assumed she'd just gone to get something she'd forgotten and as the man in front of her was still checking his groceries through it was no big deal.

However, a few minutes later he'd paid and was leaving and there was still no sign of her so I went in front and started loading my groceries onto the belt. She arrived back when I had about half of them unloaded, with an armful of extra items she'd collected for her trolley, and looked really annoyed with me. I just ignored her, finished unpacking my stuff and paid. As I went to walk off she said loudly 'I see she's not even going to apologise for skipping the queue'.
I ignored her again, but AIBU to think that if you go off for several minutes leaving your trolley unattended you can't really expect the people behind you in the queue to hang around waiting for you to return?

OP posts:

FromSeaToShining · 13/05/2015 13:45

YANBU. Were you really supposed to wait for her to return so she could resume her "rightful" place in the queue? Nonsense. She left the queue, she missed her turn. And then made a rude comment on top of it. To employ the beloved MN word, she sounds very entitled.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/05/2015 13:49

Just to add - if she'd wandered off in our local Aldi, she would have returned to find not just one person going ahead of her but her trolley firmly at the back of the entire queue of 5 or 6 trollies!

The mad "dash for milk" described above doesn't even seem socially acceptable in Aldi. The cashiers are so damn quick & it seems to make the queuing customers panic too.

dustarr73 · 13/05/2015 13:50

When i was on checkouts if the person going back to get the item had returned by the time it was their turn.i would serve the next person.People dont have all day to wait while you nip back for one thing.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:50

I can ssure you OP I'm not angry in the slightest. In fact I'm sitting out in the sunshine eating my lunch in very relaxed mode. I'm even on beta blockers at the moment in perp fr some hsopital tests so I am positively chilled! I am puzzled as to why one person disagreeing with you has caused you to be so discombobulated. The whole thing was a non-event to start with. So surely my opinion of it is of even less consequence!

5foot5 yes I agree. If I'd been the dashing off women I would have come back with a flurry of apologies as well. Of course. That's how I prefer to conduct my social transactions, with some chat chat and pleasantries and it all runs so much better. I'm not saying the other women handled herself brilliantly either. Maybe she was gobsmacked at what the OP had done - I know I would have been surprised if I were her.

dustarr73 · 13/05/2015 13:51

Hadnt not had

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 13/05/2015 13:51

Yanbu op. Although picking at Bit for politely disagreeing is a bit rude.

Recently I've started seeing the following happening: two people walk in together, one turns to the other and says "I'll go and get the shopping while you start queuing.". Now THAT is fucking rude!

TSSDNCOP · 13/05/2015 13:52

So if I am reading your account correctly, she was gone without explanation the length of time it took the gentleman to finish and pay, then add on the time it took for you to have half your stuff on and during that time she'd accumulated several more items of her shop.

If this is the case, no YANBU.

I also believe it to be an utter trolley load of Taste the difference bolleaux that anyone would have serenely waited for her to come back without getting started on their own shop.

FyreFly · 13/05/2015 13:52

YW definitely NBU.

What was everyone supposed to do between the first chap leaving and her coming back? Stand there like a lemon? If she'd had been 30 seconds or a minute then no problem - we've all done that at some point when we realise we've forgotten bread / milk / cat food. But to take 5 mins and an armful of items is extracting the urine. If she needed that much she should have left the queue and taken the trolley with her instead of holding everyone else up.

FWIW I've been that cashier who has to sit there and stare at the till fixedly trying not to make eye contact with the other patrons because the person you're currently serving has "just nipped back for bread" and is taking what feels like a geological epoch to get it. It's embarrassing sitting there and you can feel the other customers hating you / the other customer.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:54

Thank you moving I was beginning to doubt myself. I've just reread my posts for any trace of anger and couldn't find any so I'm glad I'm not going completely mad

Momagain1 · 13/05/2015 13:54

Bit really wants to be right. Bit isnt.

If you leave the queu, the person behind you should wait until the person who was ahead of you is done. At that point, unless you are pardon me'ing your way back to your trolley already you have to accept you risked your position, and lost. The person behind you, the cashier whose speed matters when it comes time for evaluations, and all the other people now in line owe you exactly no further allowances.

a 'sorry' is nice, but not really owed you any more than if you bought a losing lottery ticket. Your risk, your loss.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 13/05/2015 13:56

YANBU

The correct course of action would have been to cave her cranium in with a bottle of Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru before emptying a box of Taste the Difference Luxury Museli over her still twitching corpse.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 13/05/2015 13:56

S'alright. I don't agree with you but I respect your right to politely express your differing opinion. I'm not sure why some folks are being so antsy about it

TheNumberfaker · 13/05/2015 13:57

Yanbu. Popping back to get one or two quick items is ok but not taking ages and returning with an armful.
I've had to take DD2 off to the loo a couple of times just as I'm loading the shopping onto the belt. I always clear a big space in front of mine for the next person and tell them to jump in front.

diddl · 13/05/2015 13:58

How was she next in the queue when she was no longer there?

She might have misjudged the time/picked up more than she intended, but the person in front had paid & gone leaving OP next.

If I forget something, unless it's very near, I leave the queue & take my trolley/basket with me.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 13/05/2015 13:59

Hmm. I don't think if she'd already been gone for several minutes I'd automatically assume she was going to come back quickly. She left as the guy in front of her started loading his trolley and wasn't back by the time he'd finished, done all his bagging, paid and gone. And suddenly remembering 6 forgotten items (if OP's estimates are right) is a bit OTT. If she'd literally just nipped off a minute before the guy finished saying "I've forgotten the milk, back in a mo", then I'd have waited. But she was gone quite some time by the sound of it.

I think the OP was being slightly unreasonable ignoring the woman, but if it were me, any response would have been beyond snarky.

notplayers · 13/05/2015 13:59

I thought Bit was quite aggressive. When the OP said she had asked a genuine question but accepted that Bit thought SWBU Bit came back with a very sarcastic retort and then accused OP of adding on delays in later posts, which she hadn't.

SaucyJack · 13/05/2015 14:00

YANBU.

It's not fair on the cashier either to wait. Their scanning rates are timed and they do get bollocked if it takes too long.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 14:00

Thanks for that Momagain. I really don't care if I'm "right" I'm just expressing my opinion like everyone else is. Why does that make me "want to be right" more than anyone else?

BTW I wasn't the dashing off women before any one asks. I do my shopping online

Fyfrefly there's my point again. If you just sit there in stony silence, it will be awkward. If you said "Oh I'm sorry for the wait, this lady seems to be taking her time doesn't she? I hope nobody is in a crashing hurry - if you are I'll serve you first" or even "Oh! Shall we start a sing song?" or just some social nicetie (sp?) instead of all of this seething and ignoring and embarrassing silences.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 14:03

I do aplogise if I've sounded aggressive. Not my intention. I thought I had been quite measured. I certainly don't feel aggressive - just a little picked on! I really don't care enough to get angry or aggressive - honest!

EducateTogetheralumnus · 13/05/2015 14:03

I regularly get to the checkout and realise I've forgotten something (usually when I notice it in someone else's trolley) and shout out "Peanut Butter!!" or somesuch followed by a garbled apology and request to sprint and get it to the person behind me who always smiles bemusedly and nods. I then hurdle small children and slalom trolleys getting to what I need and arrive back at the till with more profuse apologies. But I'd never go off for a wander with no explanation!!

YANBU. Bit, you'd get some very sniffy looks in my Waitrose.

yes, I am working on remembering to bring the list with me.....

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 14:06

I think I coud take it Educate!

Anyway, I can't stay here all day, the Archers is on so I'm off to Ambridge where people know how to chat!

Topseyt · 13/05/2015 14:07

You weren't at all unreasonable. She would have been gone a fair while if she was collecting several items from around the store.

I actually don't leave my trolley at the checkout if I realise I have forgotten something. If any of my daughters happen to be with me then I would send them to get it, but if I am on my own (usually I am) then I accept that I have to pay, put the stuff in the car and go back in.

She would have got both barrels back from me about her comments. She wasn't in the queue at all. Her trolley was, but it is an inanimate object that cannot talk, unload itself or pay for the groceries.

diddl · 13/05/2015 14:10

I can't help thinking that ignoring was probably best tbh.

She said nothing when she left, nothing when she returned & then made a PA comment.

What's the point of engaging with such a person?

5Foot5 · 13/05/2015 14:10

Slightly OT but this reminds me of supermarket shopping with my Mum when I was a child (late 60s - early 70s). Usually when my Mum had almost done she would station me in the queue with the trolley while she went off to get "a few bits." Sometimes she would be gone ages and I would start to get quite edgy.

One day though she really pushed it. I think she must have just gone "offline" and forgotten all sense of time. I got to the front of the queue and there was no sign of her so I let the person behind go ahead of me. Then the next. Eventually there was only me so I unloaded the trolley just hoping she would be back by the time we needed to pay. She wasn't. I explained to the girl on the checkout and asked if she could wait. She said she was supposed to be going for her lunch. I ran round the shop trying to find my Mum and eventually came across her just happily browsing the shelves so I hurried her to the checkout to pay.

I was furious with her for embarassing me and for holding up the checkout girl but she didn't seem to see why I was so upset and kept saying "But I am her now!" However, I never, ever gave her the chance to do it again and in future I point blank refused to stay in the queue while she nipped off and if she tried would always leave the queue immediately, even if she said she was only going for one thing. Much to her frustration and annoyance but I felt justifed. I think if she had shown any sign that she knew she was in the wrong I would have been less awkward about it.

Maybe this is why I agree so much with the OP. I must have been mentally scarred!

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 13/05/2015 14:11

The same happened to me once; by the time the woman returned, the cashier had put all of the woman's items back in a basket, I'd fully unloaded my trolley and was packing into bags and there was a queue behind me. The woman went ballistic, swearing at me for queue-jumping. The cashier was very polite but insistent and said "no, madam, that is the queue and you weren't in it. You still aren't". He got sworn at too, so the manager was called and the woman escorted from the store - minus shopping.

I didn't say a word, just kept my head down and practically ran to my car in case Crazy Woman was waiting outside!

Absolutely YANBU. Neither are YBU not to have said anything, since she didn't have the courtesy to say anything to you before abandoning her shopping. She was just rude, forget about her.

BitOut, you weren't the woman in the OP, were you?! The OP hasn't had anything. She gave an indication of the timescale - the fact that the guy in front had not only finished unloading but finished paying suggests it was longer than a couple of minutes, and the fact that the OP mentioned "the people in the queue behind" indicated to me that there were others waiting beside herself.

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