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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to do this in the supermarket

102 replies

balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 12:13

I was queueing at the checkout yesterday. A woman in front, with a loaded trolley, suddenly dashed off down one of the aisles. I assumed she'd just gone to get something she'd forgotten and as the man in front of her was still checking his groceries through it was no big deal.

However, a few minutes later he'd paid and was leaving and there was still no sign of her so I went in front and started loading my groceries onto the belt. She arrived back when I had about half of them unloaded, with an armful of extra items she'd collected for her trolley, and looked really annoyed with me. I just ignored her, finished unpacking my stuff and paid. As I went to walk off she said loudly 'I see she's not even going to apologise for skipping the queue'.
I ignored her again, but AIBU to think that if you go off for several minutes leaving your trolley unattended you can't really expect the people behind you in the queue to hang around waiting for you to return?

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 13/05/2015 13:03

The only way YWBU was in not sayng anything to her in response, she will go on thinking she was right!

I once went to use the self service checkout and there was an apparently abandoned trolley and no one with it or even near it. The checkout was not "mid-transaction", it was still waiting for someone to start so I assumed someone had just given up and gone away. Anyway I started to use the check out and then this guy wondered up and said "Oh I just went off to get something else but its OK you can finish". Too damn right I finished!

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:11

Sorry to post and run.

I have often forgotten something and rushed back to get it. It wasn't even her turn when she went off so she might've thought she had enough time / misjudged it. The man in front had only just finished paying when she came back so it's not like everyone was waiting for ages and ages.

I would've been mighty pissed off / gobsmacked if I'd come back and found someone had taken my place without, by the sound of it, even a bit of polite chatter along the lines of "oh sorry, I thought you'd got lost!" or such like to smooth the situation along.

So yas OP I think YABU and rude.

Allwayslookingforanswers · 13/05/2015 13:12

I would have waited but seethed and bitched about her to my DH when I got home...

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:17

Well you're entitled to your view Bit, but given that no one on the thread so far considers that acceptable behaviour, has it made you think at all?

OP posts:
SilverDragonfly1 · 13/05/2015 13:19

I had a similar situation in the post office (actually not that similar but I am still annoyed when I think of it and want to vent!). I had to queue for ages to get a particular form from the counter as they don't put them out with the others. The etiquette there and I think in general, is that you get the form, step aside so that the clerk can serve someone else- essentially, putting your turn on hold out of courtesy- then go to the first free clerk when you've finished. A woman who'd come in while I was filling the form in made constant PA remarks about queue jumping and how people should go back to the end of the queue in my situation when I went back to the counter to give the form in and finish my transaction. I completely ignored her as I knew she'd find that far more annoying than a reaction, but I was actually quite upset by it, especially as I suffer from anxiety anyway.

Consoled myself by imagining the self centred and badly spelled post she'd no doubt put on facebook later on, and all the 'poor you hunny ppl r so ruuuude!' replies.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:20

Not really OP. Has my response made you think at all? Wink

I thought the point of AIBU was to ask for opinions on whether YABU or not.

I think you were and explained why perfectly politely. That's how it works!

SilverDragonfly1 · 13/05/2015 13:20

Bit I think most people agree that popping off to get something you forgot is one thing, keeping a place in a queue while you go and do the rest of your shopping is another.

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:22

I know how it works. It was a genuine question. I just sometimes wonder on threads, when everyone agrees that something was rude and inconsiderate, if a lone voice or two saying it isn't are sometimes swayed when they realise that the majority of people don't like whatever it is.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:27

OP sorry about that but I'm someone who has my own opinion. I didn't even read the others before I posted because I post what I believe is right, just like others do. Why would I change just because I'm in the minority?

Silver where does it say she went off to finish her shopping? She came back with what the OP calls "an armful" that could be two items. When she left, she wasn't even at the front of the queue. Maybe she thought she had time. I wouldn't immediately assume someone was an entitled bitch, I would assume she'd made a mistake / misjudged the time

And I think completely blanking her when she came back was really rude. That's simply not how I operate at all so it seems very rude to me.

Like I say, just my opinion on something that is really not important. After all, waiting for her to come back would have saved the OP what? Two minutes? I can't get worked up about that

londonrach · 13/05/2015 13:28

Had ldll once just pushed trolley away and loaded my bits. Person behine me pushed trolley completely away. I was exiting the shop when she returned and person behind me was going through. Lady just requeued. Yanbu. In polite society you ask person behind you before running through shop and usually have items out already..

MagicMojito · 13/05/2015 13:30

BitOutBitOutOfPractice yes but its a situation YOU would have created! Would you really expect somebody to apologize to you because YOU forgot something, YOU misjudged the situation, YOU left people in the queue waiting longer then they should be?
Shock wow.

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:32

Bit just to clarify, she was next in the queue after the man who was already unloading his groceries. She came back with several items, at least half a dozen I'd say, and had already been gone for several minutes by the time the man in front of her had paid for his groceries. I glanced around in case she was sprinting back to her trolley but there was absolutely no sign of her and there were several people in the queue behind me, so I would have been delaying them as well as myself if I'd stood there indefinitely, not knowing if she'd be back in two minutes or ten minutes.
Anyway, I accept that you think IBU.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:33

I wouldn't have apologised as such apart from in the way Brits often preface every sentence with "sorry" - but I would have made some chit chat. I wouldn't have stonewalled her that's for certain. I think that's ruder than the pushing in tbh

I wonder why everyone is quite so het up at someone disagreeing with them! Confused

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:34

Thanks for accepting that I have a different opinion OP - that's big of you! Shock

You are addingrather more justfication / extra minutes of waiting now, I see. OK.

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2015 13:35

How much shopping did you have OP?

A trolley load or a basket?

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:35

Where have I added 'extra minutes of waiting'?

OP posts:
ouryve · 13/05/2015 13:36

YANBU.

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:37

Worral I had a trolley with about 25-30 items in it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/05/2015 13:38

Ahh I see. YANBU then.

Actually I hope the cashier gave her short shrift.

I know the staff in my local Morrisons would have done Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2015 13:39

You've added the looking round for her, people behind you etc etc.

Let's face it, you didn't want to wait for what would have been two more minutes so you felt justified in pushing in front. Fair enough. You (and a lot of others) think you were entitled to do so. I don't. I think YOU were rude. That's just how I see it,, sorry.

I assume you didn't really come here to ask for opinions on whehere you were BU though but to have your actions affirmed. Which you largely have. So that's great.

5Foot5 · 13/05/2015 13:39

Hi Bit. I guess everyone sees things differently. If I had been that woman and had nipped off and then took longer than I meant and came back to see what had happened, I would have been mortified to think I had held people up and I would have felt like I owed the others an apology, rather than expecting the other people to excuse their actions with some polite chit chat.

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:43

Bit I've no idea why you're being so angry. I added those bits to clarify, not to justify. If I'd set the whole scene in my opening post it would have run to paras. so I just added a couple of clarifications where I thought they might be useful. Sorry about that Smile

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 13/05/2015 13:43

I usually tell the person behind if I'm not back to go in front of me. I'm only ever going for one thing and only in M&S as its the only shop small enough to run and grab something and be back at the till within a minute or two.

fuzzywuzzy · 13/05/2015 13:44

This always reminds me of the time I nipped to Tescos in my lunch hour, there was gloriously loud New Yorker doing her shopping (& clearly utterly not impressed with Tescos).

Unfortunately for her the woman in the checkout queue in front of the American lady decided to 'quickly dash off' to get some last minute bits. The American woman went 'what is going on! in America we queue after we've done our shopping because we wanna pay...' I silently cheered her on.

YANBU, it's happened to me before and the checkout assistant has each time just told me to skip forward.

It's rude to expect the queue to wait whilst you finish your shopping.

Original poster
balletnotlacrosse · 13/05/2015 13:45

Worral the cashier looked at me like Shock when she made her comment.

OP posts:
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