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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and Washing Machine

58 replies

MarianneSolong · 11/05/2015 10:32

This morning my daughter was going off to school and husband (retired) going off for a day's walking with friends. I am off to work at 11.45. Just as daughter and husband were preparing to leave I opened the washing machine - load done overnight and a whole lot of water gushed out. I then closed the door tried to see if I could spin the washing dry. No spinning but this activated the mechanism which locked the door. I discovered the manual and realised my best chance of getting the washing out might be to drain the machine, by getting out the panel at the bottom and unplugging the hose.

At this point my husband appeared and asked if I needed a hand. As it's a one person job - cramped area by sink/kettle etc, I said no. He then asked if it would be possible at some point before he left for him to boil a kettle to fill his flask with coffee.

At this point I got really cross with him, and said it was incredibly selfish to have asked as he could see I was busy trying to sort a problem. (We're going away tomorrow so it's not an ideal time to fix repairs.) Did he really need coffee as it's a warm day - it was hardly urgent? His line was that as he'd asked if I needed help and I had said no, it was perfectly reasonable to have then asked whether he'd be able to get his coffee sorted.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Bair · 11/05/2015 10:35

He offered help, accepted you were fine on your own, asked before doing something. YABU. Poor bloke must be scared to sneeze in your house.

MangoBiscuit · 11/05/2015 10:35

Sorry Marianne but I think YABU. He didn't ask you to move right then to let him get to the kettle, he asked if it would be possible at some point.

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2015 10:35

I think he's right.

I also think you were understandably stressed. It wouldn't have slowed you down by more than a few minutes if he boiled the kettle.

But stress makes us snappy.

passmethewineplease · 11/05/2015 10:35

He should of got his own regardless.

He was being unreasonable to ask when you were blatantly busy.

passmethewineplease · 11/05/2015 10:37

Oops sorry I misread your OP.

I think you were being a bit U now actually. Blush

loveareadingthanks · 11/05/2015 10:38

yabu. But I understand how it is to be getting all stressed out in the middle of something like that.

dubdurbs · 11/05/2015 10:38

YABU. Completely unreasonable! So what if its a warm day, he can have a coffee if he wants to, it's not up to you to decide what beverage he has at what time of year. And lets face it, draining the washing machine is hardly heart surgery-you could have broken off for 3 minutes while he boiled the kettle and made a coffee.

Stinkersmum · 11/05/2015 10:43

YABU. I live in the middle east and drink tea all day.

BigRedBall · 11/05/2015 10:46

YABU. You leave for work at 11.45. Why did you have to sort the machine out as your DH and dd were leaving for walks and school? You could have moved for a few seconds for him to fill the kettle. He was about to leave. You were still at home. He did ask if you needed help too, so not like he was being sarcastic or rude.

NRomanoff · 11/05/2015 10:49

Yabu sorry. He didn't demand anything he asked as he couldn't get to it nor did he say right this minute.

You lost your temper as you were obviously stressed. But you were still unreasonable to have a go at him, especially tell him he didn't need a coffee because it a warm day

I drink coffee even when in a hot country, I would would actually laugh if someone said that.

I think you need to apologise op.

Discopanda · 11/05/2015 10:51

We all snap every now and then. YW a bit U, sorry OP, it's never too hot for coffee either!

DoJo · 11/05/2015 10:52

It sounds as though he asked if it was going to be possible, not even if you could ensure that he had a chance to do it before he left, so YABU. I appreciate it must be annoying to discover the washing machine broken, but these things happen and if he offered to help and you turned him down, I don't really see why he should bear the brunt of your frustration.

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 11/05/2015 11:17

There was a load of wet towels and dressing gowns. As the spin cycle didn't work they were very wet. I wanted to get them out on the line quickly, so we didn't go away with a load of wet washing going smelly. I do freelance work from home as well as an outside job. I wanted to get the problem dealt with as quickly as possible. As it was when I had finished draining the washing machine, it took me three trips upstairs to the bath to rinse the washing. I had to move the washing machine out in order to find the serial number on the back, and try to get through to the manufacturer's helpline - which is on the back. I've had to mop the kitchen floor. The breakfast washing up still isn't done.

I've been working flat out supporting my husband with the new business he's set up since his retirement, while trying to juggle my own various jobs.

I'm glad he's having a lovely day out walking and obviously it was completely unreasonable not to be enthusiastic about having to speed up the draining and floor mopping operation, so that he got his coffee.

You will all be very reassured to know that I boiled the kettle for him, so he is absolutely not going without the hot drink which he enjoys.

I'll get on with the breakfast washing up now. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/05/2015 11:25

'Enthusiastic'?

You're being a bit disingenuous but glad you got the washing out anyway.

At least it's a nice sunny day Grin

lostincumbria · 11/05/2015 11:31

Ah, another IANBU thread. ?

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 11/05/2015 11:36

No doubt you would all have dealt with the situation calmly and served up latte with a smile.

You're welcome to my life if you feel you can lead it better than me.

Have a lovely day everybody.

Bye

OP posts:
HappenstanceMarmite · 11/05/2015 11:38

#flounce

gamerchick · 11/05/2015 11:42

I'm with you OP, manually draining a washer and sorting out the laundry sucks and is time consuming.

You snapped at him it's not the end of the world... His thoughts weren't mentally ticking off a list like yours was at the time.

As for the washer.. Check there's nothing in the filter before you get a dude in.

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2015 11:42

Blimey you really are tense OP.

Hope you can relax on your break away Thanks

TiggerLillies · 11/05/2015 11:43

Bit confused as to whether he was asking you to make a coffee for him, in which case yanbu or if he could just get through to the kettle in which case yabu.

Hope your day improves OP.

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 11/05/2015 11:45

No, I'm not flouncing. I am stressed and unhappy. I need to sort out the costs of repairs vs replacement with the washing machine, and am also about to go off to mark a significant anniversary with my partner at a time when his retirement and the demands of caring for an ill 94 year old are causing difficult readjustments in our relationship.

I do see that I came to the wrong place, and need to find solutions to the problems I face elsewhere. I'm off to work now.

OP posts:
BigRedBall · 11/05/2015 11:46

You should have written down you were resenting all the work you have to do in your OP and that you think your DH is a lazy arse. But why did you not take up his offer of help?

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 11/05/2015 11:47

Oh and thanks gamerchick. I'll try the filters - though the back of the machine doesn't look like the diagram in the manual.

OP posts:
BigRedBall · 11/05/2015 11:48

Sorry about your ill 94 year old relative. It must be tough looking after them. But we're not mind readers.

peggyundercrackers · 11/05/2015 11:49

you keep saying you have a lot to do but still find time to come back to MN and keep updating a thread Hmm