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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed on return from rare night away?

58 replies

mikado1 · 09/05/2015 22:39

Left yesterday to visit a friend, dh stayed home with ds. Unfortunately ds woke at ridiculous o'clock this morning which I was very sympathetic about. I got home in last hour and ds asleep since 7.30. I had been on train for nearly 4 hrs so was all chat about visit, which I was so grateful for as rarely go away overnight, and was also eager to hear about how the time went at home. Dh continued to gaze at tv while I talked-does this annoy anyone else?-and gave yes/no answers to my queries. I know he was exhausted but to me it feels so rude :/ anyway I called him on it and he stormed out saying he was going to bed, muttering under his breath.

Surely despite being wrecked he could have just said 'sorry I am tired out, I'll talk to you properly tomorrow'? I don't think it's ok to be so grumpy to someone else just because you're tired. It's kind of taken the enjoyment out of my night away.

OP posts:
McColonel · 09/05/2015 22:47

YANBU. That would piss me off too

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/05/2015 22:48

YABU

He's tired. Chat about your trip away tomorrow when he'll want to hear about it.,

AuntyMag10 · 09/05/2015 22:48

Yabu, he's obviously tired. Why can't you wait till tomorrow.

McColonel · 09/05/2015 22:49

Being tired is no excuse for rudeness and being grumpy.

weeblueberry · 09/05/2015 22:49

He's obviously pissed that you were away enjoying yourself while he was dealing with DS this morning. Childish but, if he's exhausted, he's probably not at his best. Not making excuses for him but probably true. Wait til tomorrow and say you know he had a hard day but it was shitty for him to passively aggressively ignore you just because he was tired. If he's still annoyed tomorrow after a good nights sleep he's being a proper dick about it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/05/2015 22:49

Yes it is. I don't function at all well if I'm tired.

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/05/2015 22:49

YANBU

Rosieposy4 · 09/05/2015 22:49

Cut him some slack, you have had a lovely time away, he has had no kip.

Original poster
mikado1 · 09/05/2015 22:57

Hmmm..very mixed so. I appreciate he was tired but what's the problem with just saying that without the grump? It's, rightly or wrongly, made me feel bad for going away (I know this is my own issue) instead of being made feel I deserved the break and it was no big deal for one day.

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 09/05/2015 22:57

My exp used to do this if i had had a rare (really rare- he was forces and away 6-9 months at a time) night out. He would be almost non verbal and have no interest in whether i had a good night or anything. He pretty much sulked. It was very obvious that he had an issue with me going out. He would also try to sabotage my night before i left by trying to puck a row or return late from somewhere so i couldnt go. Does your DH do that?

Griphook · 09/05/2015 23:00

Hmm sounds to me like he's punishing you for going out by sulking.

AuditAngel · 09/05/2015 23:03

I'm away on business for 3 nights next week. I can't wait, but DH will realise how much I normally do!

Original poster
mikado1 · 09/05/2015 23:04

No definitely doesn't do that thankfully but it does feel like a sulk now. Thing is I regularly take ds off on jaunts, from half days to overnights and I always say what fun we had, how I hope he enjoyed his break (he's never over-enthusiastic in response) and that I am pretty tired out-but non-sulky funny enough!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mikado1 · 09/05/2015 23:07

It's a bit shocking isn't it to think he'd be punishing me when this was a long-planned overnight? I don't think he was consciously doing that but like a pp said finds it hard to function when tired. I just feel as an adult he should remain vaguely civilised or go to bed early if so tired. I am taking ds away for a night and two full days next weekend and am looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Jackw · 09/05/2015 23:44

Yup, this is your punishment for enjoying yourself. Ignore and don't let it stop you in future. In fact, I'd ramp it up till he gets used to it.

SoldierBear · 09/05/2015 23:47

I can see why you are pissed off, but conversation is a two way street and you appear to have ignored the non verbal signals he was giving you. You say you knew he was exhausted so why didn't you just suggest he went to bed and you'd tell him about it tomorrow?
Tbh I think you were both as bad as the other, him for not speaking up and you for keeping on talking when you knew he wanted to go to bed.
If the conversation is one sided it's usually because you are boring the other person.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 23:49

I sympathise with your DH. I used to be really knackered if either of DDs had been up all night and the last thing I would feel like is someone going on and on about whatever..

cozietoesie · 09/05/2015 23:51

Why not just say to him 'Are you feeling grumpy? Let's head for the hills'.

EastMidsMummy · 09/05/2015 23:55

Sounds all a bit "Mars and Venus" to me. We generally like to share emotions and experiences by talking about them. Men generally don't.

We also are more likely to prioritise person to person communication whereas he probably was trying to concentrate on what he was doing (watching TV). For him, you were coming back from your lovely time away and then spoiling his private TV watching by blathering on.

Fatmomma99 · 09/05/2015 23:57

I don't know if this is you or not, but I had an epiphany when I clocked into what being a parent meant. Not trying to be critical, but your posts both sound a bit sulky (sorry if that's a judgmental word, but that's how your post read to me). You wanted to celebrate your night of not being a parent, and your OH was cross because he had to be one.

If you turn it around to being the stay at home one being the treat (in your head, not in RL) then HE should have been the one gushing and you should have been the one desperate for sleep.

Not trying to be preachy, but I have found since I put DD first, things have been very different around here....

Loric · 09/05/2015 23:58

You already knew he was knackered. Why push it?

Jackw · 10/05/2015 00:02

If it was the other way around, wouldn't you all have been at least polite, even if you were tired?

CaptainHolt · 10/05/2015 00:07

I might have started off polite but struggled to maintain it in the face of eagerness if someone wasn't picking up on the bleeding obvious.

goddessofsmallthings · 10/05/2015 00:18

You're not BU. He didn't want to hear how you'd fared or have the courtesy to tell you how his day with ds had been and his petulant outburst suggests he's filled with resentment at having had to perform tasks that you would have undertaken as a matter of course.

Don't let his uncivilised behaviour deter you from having more overnight stays away.

applesareredandgreen · 10/05/2015 00:32

Ha Eastmidsmummy that is exactly what happens in my house!

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