to be annoyed on return from rare night away?

[mikado1]

Left yesterday to visit a friend, dh stayed home with ds. Unfortunately ds woke at ridiculous o'clock this morning which I was very sympathetic about. I got home in last hour and ds asleep since 7.30. I had been on train for nearly 4 hrs so was all chat about visit, which I was so grateful for as rarely go away overnight, and was also eager to hear about how the time went at home. Dh continued to gaze at tv while I talked-does this annoy anyone else?-and gave yes/no answers to my queries. I know he was exhausted but to me it feels so rude :/ anyway I called him on it and he stormed out saying he was going to bed, muttering under his breath.

Surely despite being wrecked he could have just said 'sorry I am tired out, I'll talk to you properly tomorrow'? I don't think it's ok to be so grumpy to someone else just because you're tired. It's kind of taken the enjoyment out of my night away.

I think neither of you are BU, he clearly saw it as, he's sacrificed his evening to look after his child alone while you had a deserved night out, so when you came home gushing about how wonderful it was, it might have seemed as if you were rubbing it in his face and not being very considerate of the fact that he might not want to hear about it at that moment in time. For that reason he was unnecessarily grumpy and you were upset. If anyone was being slightly U, I think it was you though, as you pushed him when you could see he was tired and might have seemed like you were saying, I had a great time without you.

My DH does this to me -coming in from a night out and immediately expecting my full attention whilst he goes over every little thing that happened in detail.

Tbh, it drives me nuts. I've got absolutely no issue with him going, and he's usually out with one of his hobbies every Friday night, but I see my trade off for the extra childcare and restrictions on what I can do as the private peace and quiet. I.e. he gets to be out from 6ish every Friday and I get from whenever DD goes to bed to when I do to do whatever I want without having blaring telly/interrupting kids etc.

It works out about the same number of hours and works for us.

However, we've had rows, and recently, about it having to stop because DH has taken to doing what you did, which is coming in from his fun thing and immediately expecting to interrupt mine to be centre of attention.

It's not quite the same, I grant, as its a one off, but there's a degree of selfishness needed to think that he owed you anymore fanfare on return than 'hi, glad you're home safe.' It was probably pretty obvious that he was trying to decompress and you ignored that in favour of keeping your own thing going when really it was over.

He was rude, but if he'd been up since God knows when and kid managing all day, he has a bit of a justification. I'm not sure that you do for interrupting and banging on, ignoring his cues.

Sounds like he's resentful at 'babysitting' his own child.

It was a rare night out. A better response was he could have been pleased to see you and a little happy for you.

I think it's a shame OP that you are made to feel bad both by your DP and on here. YANBU. If it was every other day, yeh, maybe YABU, but it's not.

YABU. You seem to be assuming that he was watching TV just to piss you off, rather than it being something he was doing because he was interested in what he was watching. What you wanted him to do was stop what he was doing and instantly place you at the centre of attention.

Yes, you were excited about your visit, but why do you assume that he should drop everything (and that's what you're asking - if you want him to engage with you properly, he has to stop watching whatever he was watching) to do what you want to do? Doesn't he have an equal right to get on with his own stuff without you getting all huffy with him?

Thanks everyone really appreciate replies and it helped to have most of them read before he got up! I think looking at the responses that overall neither of us was being completely U but both on different wavelengths.

I did the early shift this morning and he came down and apologised citing his tiredness and I said I understood he was tired and sorry for pushing it. So there you go. The aibu really helped :)

Maybe not relevant but just to say ge wasn't actually watching anything but flicking through channels.

Teehee, I've remembered a time I came home after being out on the lash with my friends when I lived in Italy. We poured out of the restaurant about midnight and they staggered off home in one direction while I waited for a taxi to take me the other way. A police car came by and the two policemen offered me a lift, which obviously I accepted but they explained that they had to do their checks on banks,etc.en route?

Niente problema! I clamber in the back and off we go. I'm quite chatty anyway but even more so when I'm pissed. And I was very pissed. My Italian improved too when I was oiled

So we did the rounds, called in at a bar where we had ham and cheese panini and a shot of brandy, checked out some more places then went to yet another bar for coffee and more brandy. Great time!

It was about 2.45 when I finally got home. Such lovely lads but I was worried that I wouldn't recognise them when I was sober.

Hence me bursting into our house, oh snoozing in a chair with the cat,to be woken up by me saying "gotta question! Why don't police have identifying numbers like they do in England?"

Oh,suddenly wide awake, said "Christ! What have you done now? " followed by the explanation that the lack of identifying numbers dated back to Mussolini days...

And so, with that, we went to bed

OFGS. It's what we do for them all the time.

This thread is odd. What do we do for them all the time. The OP didn't complain that he goes away for overnight breaks.

And his strop was based on the OP 'calling him out'. he didn't just strop off.

OP glad you sorted it.