Reminding Older Kids of Thier Manners in Front of Parent ??

[RockinHippy]

There is a bit of background to this, & where as we are very different, as is DH to his DSis, I have previously got on just fine with SIL, but I'm finding that more difficult recently as she is becoming more & more opinionated & outspoken. She has no clue about the reality of kids & has a lot of hang ups & current marriage stress making her quite bitchy at times.

DH pulled her up on it last time as it was directed at me, the only reason I didn't, was for the sake of not causing a scene at a family gathering they had held for other family visiting from abroad, who were staying with us. I'm not usually one to let someone get away with a directly bitchy & uncalled for remark, but did the dignified thing & tried to do SIL & family a favour by not drawing attention to her behaviour.

DH & I have mostly just laughed stuff off in the past as her just not having a clue, but I think it's getting out of hand, DH & I have just had words over the following, so I'm wondering if AIBU to take offence & tell him off for not backing DD or if he's right & it's no big deal & not really connected to other incidents - I'm taking it as criticism of our parenting & insulting to a very well mannered DD, who is upset by it.

SIL has let DD film a fashion video in her garden (lights not so great in our yard) DD had already had to put up with several snide remarks about the chosen outfits & a very sniffy negative attitude about her hair which currently has a wash out red colour in it.

On leaving, SIL had put her head in through the car window & told DD in a very haughty manor, "well, you can always say thank you by text I suppose"

DD insists she had already thanked her aunt twice, once very clearly & repeatedly when they had to move to an inside room due to rain. As in "thank you so much aunty xxxx, I really apreciate it" which she is sure her aunt heard. She tried to tell DH this, but he just told her just to text her aunt anyway as she obviously either didn't, or her aunt didn't hear.

Normally I would agree, but as teens go, we have a very polite one, plus this isn't a one of & I think DH should have stuck up for DD

AIBU??

( excuse any typos, this sure really isn't liking my iPad right now[cobfused]

TIA

Crazy sil - your DD should text her saying "As I said a couple of times earlier, many thanks for... etc"

Agree though, your DH should have stood up for her and reminded his sis that yoie DD had already thanked her!

I had a friend like this. The reality was the friend was rude, actually very rude. I don't see her anymore. I think if I were you, I'd scale back relations with SIL and not ask her for favours again after this. It sounds like this was the tip of the iceberg.

I think that if someone has hosted you at their house, it's polite to also say a final 'thank you' as you take your leave. Regardless of whether you've already thanked them intermittently. It's just what you do before you get in your car and take off.

But going on this thread, I'm in the minority!

I would always say thank you on leaving someone's house / on saying goodbye if they have done me a favour. I'd also say thank you when I first saw them if they were doing me a favour, and probably thank them some more while they were doing me the favour too.

It doesn't diminish me to say thank you more than once, so why not really? I want them to know that I appreciate their help/forbearance.

Having said that it sounds as if the aunt's attitude to her niece is a bit off, and I'm not sure why she (and the OP for that matter) decided to make her film at her house. She sounds like someone to avoid!

Omg seriously, a card and chocolate for using her garden for a couple of hours??

Of course. Her garden and her house. I think that would be basic good manners.

I'm with the OP's DH.

It sounds as though you really dislike her; I'd keep your contact to a minimum and avoid accepting favours from her in future.

Going forward perhaps your DD could use the park in future?

SiL does sound a bit of a nightmare. For the present, if DD has thanked her twice surely that is enough. For the future DD needs to thank SiL in front of everyone when she leaves, so there can be no misunderstanding. Your SiL sounds like one of my aunts, she never said anything nice, when a bitchy comment would suffice

Cards and chocolates are basic good manners for a relatively small favour? Goodness. What favours wouldn't require a card? Also, I did someone a favour at work yesterday that saved him about 40 minutes of effort. Should I expect chocolate?

Seriously, this is why I never ask favours.

Did aunt hear the thanks? Your dh did but did aunt otherwise it could look ungrateful especially as your dd had already left the house and was in the car. The 'head through window's sounds less like dd was sniped at before saying and more like about to drive off and aunt through in a parting comment.

I dint think yabu to think aunt is generally a pita but I can see how aunts side could also be reasonable if she didn't hear and dd didn't thank before leaving the house.

Your dh should have said dd did thank you earlier though. Why didn't he?