To think these parents are very rude?

[Pandorasaquarium8]

We moved ds at the end of his reception year from a failing school in our catchment area (which is slightly rough) to an outstanding school in a very middle class area (extremely low proportion of FSM and very high perfoming) Academically I don't regret it as he's come on massively and the other school had very low expectations but socially it's not so good.

From the word go the other parents were very standoffish. I can't help thinking it's because we are from out of the area and from an estate. They will literally blank me. Ds has been there since September and it's no better now than it was then. Sometimes some of the mothers will speak to me and other times they will literally walk past me without even acknowledging me at all. I'm not bothered about making friends but their attitude seems to filter through to their children. Ds isn't invited to any parties or play dates, I've tried to build bridges by arranging play dates myself but excuses have been made and no offer reciprocated. It's ds's 6th birthday soon and he's asked about 12 children to his party. Not one is coming. Apparently they are all busy. The party is five weeks away. They had plenty of notice, what's the chances they would all be busy.

Most of the mums stand together in a circle on the playground, occasionally they will look over and say something to each other. I know this sounds paranoid but that's truly what happens. I feel desperately sad for ds, he's a cheery little soul, very well behaved and a normal 5 year old little boy. At school the other children will play with him, it seems to be the parents that have the issue. It's made harder by the fact the other children mainly live in walking distance from each other and we are about four miles away. I just worry that ds is going to become more and more excluded.

One evening a mother was talking to me on the playground as we were the first ones there to fetch our dc. Another parent arrived and she literally turned her back on me mid conversation, as though she didn't want to be seen talking to me.

Aibu to think this is really really rude behaviour? I cannot believe how cliquey it all is!

We have engineered friendships in my dds class to the exclusion of my dd by a group of cliquey mums.
I'm secretly quite glad as being a girl group of three, you just know that there will be lots of infighting between those three girls in a few years. I'm gently encouraging my dd to make friends with girls that have no agenda (equally the parents that have no agenda too).
I met up with these cliquey mums once, by chance bumped into them. They were so boring. All they did was sit around talking about the latest diet they're on. Instead of being upset by them excluding me, I realised that I wouldn't want them as friends anyway.

We've invited some of his other friends to the party...it's just sad that none of the ones from his class are coming. I gave the parents the invitations as school don't like them being given out at school. So I know they definitely aren't sitting in book bags.
Ds said he was speaking to one little girl (who he plays with a lot) and told her she was invited to his party and she didn't even know about it.

Schooladviceplease2015 with regards to your post about other parents at 23:26 it doesn't sound great IMO. I have my friends already but this is my child's school and it's about setting an example for my child that they see me being open to everyone. It's awfully limiting to have an attitude that you have your friends so you are done. I happened to meet a fab Mum in DDs class who is awesome. I'm so happy I was open to meeting new people and it's great for my DD to play with kids from all over the world including Switzerland, Poland, Israel, Argentina, Brazil and Japan.

Oh and I always attend birthday parties unless two are on at the same time in which case it's first come first served (unless family) or we are traveling. If we really can't make the party we send a gift and have the child over to celebrate them.

Yes, that's what worried me - the children don't even know about the party. :(
How bloody awful.

How about choosing a target mum, and trying to politely ask if you accidentally clashed your boys party with one already set up?

'Oh hi Jane, just wondering if I could pick your brains? Thanks for letting me know little Johnny can't come to x's party, I wonder, do you know f I've accidentally picked a date that clashes with another event? I've had to of 'busy' replies and there's still time to move the party if that's the case- I wouldn't want anyone to miss out'

A tiny bit guilt inducing but not too much?

I've had parties for DS1 (8, ADHD - doesn't get invited to them) where virtually nobody replied and turnout was terrible. Book bag black hole partly to blame but these were older kids who could read. I'm dreading this year's birthdays :-(

I don't know why the kids would know about the party? When my kids were younger, if they couldn't attend a party I wouldn't necessarily tell them as they would be upset.

I know you think there's something more sinister going on here, but I'm sure I've declined without telling the kids when a party has clashed with other plans.

I'd move him back to his old school in a heartbeat. I've been in your DS's shoes and 25 years later still fervently wish they hadn't left me in that school which was supposed to be so great but which taught me little more than 'we don't like you, you aren't one of us and you never can be'. It still hurts, tbh.

*I don't know why the kids would know about the party? When my kids were younger, if they couldn't attend a party I wouldn't necessarily tell them as they would be upset.

I know you think there's something more sinister going on here, but I'm sure I've declined without telling the kids when a party has clashed with other plans*

Absolutely bang on the money.

My DS doesn't manage to say nothing about his party to the children he's invited - they all know. Even if the invitations were given to the parents, the children would still know because DS would tell them.

My point is (whatever you might think of it) that ALL the parents have declined the invitation. That doesn't necessarily mean that they ALL have other plans. It would be amazing if they did, in fact. But it does mean that they didn't ask their children if they'd like to go, they just decided for them that they wouldn't be going.

Of course IF all 12 children's families had other plans then no, I wouldn't expect them to tell them about the party (but I'd still expect that the children would find out about it from the birthday child).

I wonder if there is an extra curricular like scouts or something that your Ds could go to. Preferably one where parents can help out at least occasionally.

I moved house and Dc moved school six years ago and it does take a year or two to settle.

Also I think little boys don't make bff's until a little bit older and then I think it will be better.

MY DCs wouldn't tell classmates about impending birthday parties.

What, really? Not the ones they've invited to their party? are you sure? I'm not talking about random other parties, or non-invitees, you realise.