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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has ruined Hen Do surprise

86 replies

jugglingmonkey · 08/05/2015 16:32

DH completely let the cat out of the bag to my DSis last night. It's a one day activity, and he has given the game away. He tried to cover it up, but it was v obvious, and have had message from BIL to be to say that DSis knows and is a bit upset that the surprise is ruined.

I am fuming, this is classic DH. Over excited, not thinking... He would hit the f@cking roof if someone had done this to him or for a stag do he was planning. But all he said after they left was 'it's an accident and I don't want to feel bad about it'.

  1. AIBU to be livid?
  2. how do we fix? Does DH owe her an apology/extra surprise?
OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2015 18:47

OP, you have been asked a couple of times exactly how he "ruined" the surprise

for me, it would depend how and what he did as to how much to be pissed off

are you going to enlighten us ?

FeelingSmurfy · 08/05/2015 18:49

Try to see the positive, she can now look forward to the special thing and get excited, rather than being a bit unsure as doesn't know what it is

ExitStageLeft · 08/05/2015 18:50

This happened to me this week. I accidentally mentioned to my sister her friend was intending on bringing some helium balloons to her (not surprise) engagement party.

They both went bloody crackers a out it.

Ridiculous.

Mrsstarlord · 08/05/2015 18:57

Blimey! A bit of an overreaction?

Not surprised DH is digging his heels in.

They are adults, it's a party, someone let the cat out of the bag by accident. Perspective?

GERTI · 08/05/2015 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jugglingmonkey · 08/05/2015 19:19

Thanks all. DH just got home and the first thing he said is how awful he feels. He remembered that the same thing did in fact happen to his bro, for the stag do he himself had organised. He was annoyed, and so understands how DSis feels.

Anyway, he apologised to me for being so blasé about it yesterday, and I suspect will apologise to Sis too. Hopefully with some flowers.

I know the majority of you think that's unnecessary and that we all need to grow up (I take your point about BIL sticking his beak in), so thanks for providing some perspective.

It's less the accidental slip up and more DH's reaction that pissed me off.

OP posts:
SoldierBear · 08/05/2015 19:34

I don't get why it is such a huge deal.
It's a hen night. Or day.
Why does it have to be a surprise? Will the day be any better because it is a surprise?

BIL sounds like he might be related to Laura's husband (the staunch defender of tandem feeding 3 year old during a wedding ceremony)

springsprang · 08/05/2015 19:42

How about having a 'surprise' meal out with dancing after with a few of your closest friends. You know, a bit like a hen-night before it all got so competitively bloody ridiculous.

RandomMess · 08/05/2015 21:07

Glad DH apologised for his attitude. Have a great hen do for DSis Grin

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 08/05/2015 21:13

I've been in your sisters shoes before. The polite thing would be for your sister to shrug it off and have great time anyway.

Original poster
jugglingmonkey · 08/05/2015 21:41

Haha soldier bear, I saw that thread... Crikey I hope this isn't quite as bad as that??
Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Andylion · 08/05/2015 22:29

Thanks all. DH just got home and the first thing he said is how awful he feels. He remembered that the same thing did in fact happen to his bro, for the stag do he himself had organised. He was annoyed, and so understands how DSis feels.

Ah, so he reads MN at work, does he? Wink

Fluffcake · 08/05/2015 23:26

My sil arranged a party for DB's 50th. My DSis didn't realise it was a surprise and mentioned it to DB in a text. DB was very good and didn't mention it at all to his wife and pretended to be totally surprised! Sometimes you just have to realise these things happen, they are not done in spite (hopefully) and suck 'em up!!!!!

blushingbooty · 09/05/2015 08:01

If this is typical for your dh then I'd annoyed too. We have an 'opps' person in our circle, she is always cries on about never being told anything sensitive or about surprises.

Mrsstarlord · 09/05/2015 09:07

I really think your dh is getting a hard time here. Sounds like a bit of perspective wouldn't go amiss - so he let the cat out of the bag. I really don't get the need for everyone to jump on the bandwagon, it was a mistake and you are all acting like he's trashed the wedding dress on purpose. If I were him I'd be a bit pissed off with you for joining the baying crowd rather than offering them a grip. Good on him for apologising in spite of that, he's managed to obtain the moral high ground.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/05/2015 09:18

This all sounds horribly precious fuelled by BIL

I really don't like the attitude of someone did something bad so they should feel bad. It's not a nice attitude to go through life with.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2015 09:22

Christ, he's going to apologise with flowers?

How about a bouquet of dummies since everyone seems to have spat theirs out at him?

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 09/05/2015 09:30

I think people are being exceptionally mean and stuck up about this.

My sister has organised my hen party and I have no idea what's happening as that's the way she wanted it.
She wants me to have a nice surprise. I don't care either way but that's what she wants.

I'd be gutted if her DP told me what was happening and ruined her hard work.

OP I think he needs to apologise to your sister (yes he will feel shit). Perhaps he could send or pay for a bottle of some fizz on the day/night?

Don't tell him anymore of your secrets!

I've also been on the other side of this, asking someone about something they were doing when they had no idea, I didn't realise they didn't know. I was really upset and felt like shit, and rightly so. Not my place to tell and took the fun out of it for the organiser.

SaucyJack · 09/05/2015 09:37

I would agree it was terribly precious Gobbolino if it wasn't for the fact that he has history for this sort of thing.

At some point in his life he needs to learn to start paying attention to what comes out of his mouth. It's not cool behaviour in a grown adult- even if he genuinely doesn't mean any malice by it.

Had drink been taken OP?

Mrsstarlord · 09/05/2015 10:01

You think people are unreasonable and stuck up for thinking this is an over reaction?

You don't think its unreasonable to be fuming over a mistake and dictate the way in which the guilty party should apologise - grand gestures.

Fair enough don't tell him stuff in the future if he has a tendency to blab out of excitement, but personally I would see that as an endearing quality and tell him that.

SoldierBear · 09/05/2015 10:13

and I think you are having an even bigger and more unreasonable than the ever-so-slightly-unhinged BIL.

"stuck up" - really? You come on to say people are being "mean" and then lob that little grenade into the mix? Way to destroy your own argument in one easy lesson

feel free to be offended that most people find all this palaver about "hen party surprises" as more than a little ridiculous.

ValancyJane · 09/05/2015 10:29

I actually let the cat out of the bag about one of my closest friend's hen do - we had kept it secret for aaaaages, it was a surprise weekend in Manchester, and the week before (after a fair few glasses of wine) I said without thinking "well when we get back from Manchester, shall we go to..." and then tailed off realising what I'd just said!!!

Thankfully, she is a lovely, sane and normal individual who just got very excited about the fact that we were going to Manchester, swore on her life not to admit to the other hens that she knew, and as far as I know has still kept the secret to this day!!

This is why I love her :) I did feel awful about ruining the surprise though, but it wasn't deliberate and she understood that I hadn't done it on purpose. Also, not worth jeopardising a friendship over.

Mrsstarlord · 09/05/2015 10:36

Now that ^^ is a rational response!!

Hope you all enjoyed it

StormSwept · 09/05/2015 11:46

How about a bouquet of dummies since everyone seems to have spat theirs out at him?

^^
This!

YABVU your Sister is BU, your BIL is BVU and your OH needs directions to the relationship board, poor soul! [shocked]

EduCated · 09/05/2015 11:58

Flowers seems somewhat OTT Confused These things happen.

His reaction is annoying, but it seems he's clocked that. A simple 'whoops, sorry' yes. But flowers?!