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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be on verge of emptying DDs bedroom

52 replies

Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 14:31

DD is 7, has never taken care of her clothes or things. Unless I tidy her room or stand over while she does it, her bedroom is a pigsty.
She has plenty of accessible storage and has been shown many, many times where things live, all to no avail.
I'm at my wits end - I have enough housework to do without permanently picking up clothes, toys, books. Yesterday for instance she pulled out all her t-shirts from a drawer and just left them in a heap. Lids off felt tips, jewellery left across floor, books everywhere. Not to mention the trail of shite she leaves in her wake across the rest of the house!
It's the lack of respect for her belongings that really gets to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 'cleanzilla', DSs room isn't particularly tidy but he does at least not make such a mountain of mess.

Have tried bribes, rewards, threats.... Nothing works. Am now on verge of stripping her room bare until she gets some understanding of how to look after her things!!!!

OP posts:

Jayne35 · 07/05/2015 14:57

I sympathise with you OP, my DD is 19 and STILL shows no respect for her things. I always appreciated and looked after my belongings but how ever many times I have complained, tidied up, removed things, thrown things away etc it hasn't changed so good luck.

YouAintSeenNothingYet · 07/05/2015 15:00

She's 7.

Jesus Christ, she's 7 years old.

GGabcd · 07/05/2015 15:01

She's 7, right? Not 17?

Close the door to her room and ignore it. They are her things and it is her room.

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2015 15:04

She is 7.

Next time you want to hoover her room tell her she has 15 min to get things put away. Anything left on the floor will be bagged up/hoovered up and binned and mean it. But you will still need to supervise her doing it.

Original poster

Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 15:09

Really?? It's ok for her to drag all her clothes out of wardrobe in order to get to one item? To leave audio CDs strewn across floor which then get all scratched?
Even at 7, should there be no appreciation or respect for things??

OP posts:

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 07/05/2015 15:12

If her CDs are scratched, it's her problem - don't replace them. If her clothes are on the floor she'll have to wear them creased.

BeyondDespairandRepair · 07/05/2015 15:12

You sound very harsh, very very harsh.

There have been a few threads on here - what do you expect a x year to do.

I think your expecting too much from her.

They still need to be shown how to do things and need help and encouragement. They are too young to have much perspective on things.

Be kind to her, help her, offer rewards, do one small step at a time.

tigermoll · 07/05/2015 15:14

Let her keep her room the way she wants - if her possessions get damaged, then that is its own punishment. FWIW I was exactly the same at her age - looking back it was a way of asserting myself over my own space. My parents could tell me what to do in all the rest of the house, but my room was my business. I gradually learnt the benefits of a tidy room all by myself. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much that HER bedroom is untidy?

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2015 15:14

Theycallmemellowjello · 07/05/2015 15:15

Tidying is a skill like anything else a child has to learn. Id treat it as something that she is struggling with at not as something that she doesn't do because she's naughty. If she was struggling with reading you wouldn't punish her, you'd help her to improve. Just treat tidying the same way. You say you have to stand over her to get her to do it - well keep doing that. Not in a horrible way, just pointing out to her what needs to be done, supporting her while she does it and praising her when it's done. Sounds like tidying is now something that she feels she is bad at, that makes her 'bad' and that you get angry at her over. In those circumstances no wonder she had an aversion to it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 15:17

She's seven! I hate these sort of threads, what do people expect,babies to come out of the womb tidying and de cluttering?

BeyondDespairandRepair · 07/05/2015 15:18

Id treat it as something that she is struggling with at not as something that she doesn't do because she's naughty

This is how I deal with my un tidy 7 year old! She appreciate it when I clean and tidy her room and she thanks me, and we have slowly started to tidy one small part of room at a time, so for instance in her drawers, how to put socks away and where they go, she knows where brownie uniform goes and we make it silly, like her brownie corner...

Original poster

Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 15:18

Guess I just find it rather depressing r things get damaged or broken because she just doesn't seem to value anything.

OP posts:

googoodolly · 07/05/2015 15:19

Her behaviour might not be okay but it's normal. If her stuff gets ruined, tough luck. Don't replace it. When she complains that her CD's are scratched or her pens have dried out or her clothes are torn, tell her she should have looked after them properly.

If you really want her to keep it clean, could you link it some kind of reward chart or something? Does she get pocket money? Maybe give her a list of things to be done each week (clothes into laundry basket, CD's back in cases, lids put on pens, etc.) and if she does everything, she gets a treat of her choice for under £5? If she doesn't do it all by say, Saturday morning 9am, then tough, she doesn't get a treat (or pocket money, if she gets any).

That's the only thing that worked for me at that age!

Minniemagoo · 07/05/2015 15:21

I have one DD,8, very similar, she literally is a walking bomb site. As she comes.in from school jackets are dumped on the floor in front of the hook, bag is left in general area of bag shelf but rarely on it. She leaves stuff pulled out of drawers constantly. My 6 year old or older child whilst were never like this.
I limit making her tidy to twice a day. After homework for bags etc and before bed for her room, otherwise no story. I tidy her room myself every morning, just straightening up similar to the others rooms.
If anything fragile eg CDS are left out the rule is they must be tidied immediately.
The.others learned basic tidying and care concepts much easier and it's one of the reasons DD is being assessed for SEN.

BeyondDespairandRepair · 07/05/2015 15:22

she is 7

are you going to listen to posters or not.

first of all she is 7 she has no perspective.

no proper concept of material crap yet. as ppl said you need to help her to learn to do it.

YOU need to help her, YOU need to help her learn to value things but I have to say, you sound like you don't actually value your DD very much.

I wonder if any other poster agrees with me.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 15:22

Ds valued things because we introduced pocket money at 6 or 7 so he knew exactly how many weeks it would take to save up for something. I think it's very common not to appreciate how much something costs.

HellonHeels · 07/05/2015 15:24

She's only little! 7 is young. I'm old and as a little girl I did take care of my things carefully and value them, because I hardly had nice things at all. A pack of twelve felt tips was an amazing treat, usually was a birthday or christmas gift.

May I respectfully suggest giving her a LOT less 'stuff'?

Also, the tidying thing, maybe it's overwhelming. Have you ever gone to have a clear out, got everything out of the cupboard or drawers and then felt overwhelmed by the task? I have. Help her to manage the tidying, it's hard work.

SueGeneris · 07/05/2015 15:24

I think at this age you do need to help them. I think it's useful to try and encourage them to do a tidy up before bed each night, when I'm feeling organised I do this with my two and help them (eg I pick up clothes, DS in charge of Lego, DD in charge of cars). Sometimes I just give directions and expect them to do the work. I don't think it can just be left as otherwise it can't be cleaned, dirty pants are left under the bed etc and if it's usually tidy at the end of the day then I'm hoping they will prefer it that way and when they are too old to have me involved there might be a better chance they will choose to be tidy.

If you help her do a 5 minute tidy before bed each night then it doesn't become an overwhelming task. Mine currently get given a smiley face (drawn on kitchen blackboard ) for tidying something up without being asked. Smiley faces are then exchanged for Haribos.

BeyondDespairandRepair · 07/05/2015 15:27

I think it's very common not to appreciate how much something costs

OF COURSE how can a 7 year old have such a deep concept of money.

Unless brought up in true grinding poverty where your burning your chairs to get heat in winter.

I shudder at these threads, and feel sorry for the child.

Original poster

Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 15:30

Beyond..... Your scary and not in the least bit helpful.

Thanks to all other posters for your advice and thoughts!

OP posts:

curlyweasel · 07/05/2015 15:33

Op - Remember. She's 7.

Just in case you haven't got that yet

I know how you feel - my DD was/is the same (now 9). You sound frustrated with it all and I can see why, but realistically you're going to have to expect a little less from her and either a) model behaviour and hope she picks it up herself or b) shut the door and leave it to her (whilst making her accountable for anything she breaks).

pocketsaviour · 07/05/2015 15:33

I think at this stage you have to treat it as something you do together rather than it being her job to do.

However, you can make it clear that because it's taking you so long, that has a knock on effect. Like "You know DD, because it's going to take us 30 minutes to tidy this mess away, that's 30 minutes you won't be able to watch TV later because there won't be time." (so it's not a punishment- it's an understanding that choices have consequences, and she made a choice to by messy.)

I do think it's something you need to keep on, because to everyone saying "She's 7!" - do you think she's going to magically morph into a tidy 10 year old of her own accord? It's not right to expect kids to not make a mess in the first place, but it's certainly NU to ask them to tidy up behind themselves afterwards.

curlyweasel · 07/05/2015 15:35

Hellon Your post made me

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 15:37

Ds's room is a pig sty, he says he likes it as its cosy

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