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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be on verge of emptying DDs bedroom

52 replies

Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 14:31

DD is 7, has never taken care of her clothes or things. Unless I tidy her room or stand over while she does it, her bedroom is a pigsty.
She has plenty of accessible storage and has been shown many, many times where things live, all to no avail.
I'm at my wits end - I have enough housework to do without permanently picking up clothes, toys, books. Yesterday for instance she pulled out all her t-shirts from a drawer and just left them in a heap. Lids off felt tips, jewellery left across floor, books everywhere. Not to mention the trail of shite she leaves in her wake across the rest of the house!
It's the lack of respect for her belongings that really gets to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 'cleanzilla', DSs room isn't particularly tidy but he does at least not make such a mountain of mess.

Have tried bribes, rewards, threats.... Nothing works. Am now on verge of stripping her room bare until she gets some understanding of how to look after her things!!!!

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 07/05/2015 15:40

Er yes.shes 7

So she's at school? Plays at other people's houses? Etc etc

I'm guessing she knows how to respect other people's things and knows how to tidy up. It's a health and safety issue at school if nothing else

I'd be asking her to think before she gets things out if it's this bad

curlyweasel · 07/05/2015 15:40

Dirty little feckers aren't they?

hairylittlegoblin · 07/05/2015 15:42

OP - I have the same issues. Stuff left lying around, pulled out of drawers etc. Drives me crazy (DD is almost 8).

Last summer we had a total clear out and that really helped. DD is a collector of 'things' but then feels overwhelmed. We took a lot of the books off her shelves and packed them into boxes, had a big box with a lid for 'special things' and I bought a cheap storage box for art stuff.

My feeling was that she didn't value the things she had - actually I think she just had too many things and felt she couldn't get rid of anything.

Emptying her room as a punishment doesn't sound like a great plan but maybe plan some time together to tidy and clear out.

bigTillyMint · 07/05/2015 15:44

If she can't keep it all tidy, then she has got too much stuff. Lots of children today have too much stuff!

I think you could approach it in a non-confrontational way - say that you would like her to learn how to and be able to look after her things properly and that you are going to help her. Tell her that you think she probably has too much stuff in her room and that you are going to start with less stuff and once she gets the hang of keeping that tidy, that you will maybe put some more stuff back.

Take as much out as you feel necessary and make sure everything still in there is as easily organised as possible. Then teach her (even if you have done this beforeWink) how to tidy it up. If she manages that easily, then great, put stuff back. If not, a trip to the charity shop for all the stuff she doesn't actually need.

I used to pay my DC £1 a week for tidying and hovering/dusting their rooms at that age. DS did it so easily because he had a lot less clothes and toys (only ever wanted his bike/a ball!) - that's the key to successSmile

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 07/05/2015 15:44

At 7 my kids are expected to treat their stuff with respect and put things away when they're finished with them - I thought that was normal, but obviously not!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 15:48

Does she have proper storage? Shelves and big containers/ baskets to scoop random bits of crap toys into?

HollyJollyDillydolly · 07/05/2015 15:55

I saw this online www.howdoesshe.com/how-to-teach-your-child-to-clean-any-bedroom-in-ten-minutes-without-using-a-blowtorch/

It makes it less of a chore for dcs, it doesn't get it perfect but it's a start. My ds's 5&8 share a room and they do this.
My 11yo on the otherhand is a dirty moobag. I have to go hunting in her room for dirty clothes or nothing gets washed.

britnay · 07/05/2015 15:56

My 3yo knows to tidy up toys he is finished with before getting others out. He knows to put books back on the shelf after we read them. He knows that crayons stay in the pot when not in use (to save them being trod into the carpet!). He tidies away his toys before nursery/bedtime. Sure, he sometimes needs a bit of chivvying, but that is to be expected :) am I a mean mummy to make him tidy up after himself?

26Point2Miles · 07/05/2015 16:05

No you are not britnay

It's just some MNers have odd ideas.

YouAintSeenNothingYet · 07/05/2015 16:10

Teaching your kid how to tidy is fine, but acting like they are in some way bad or deficient if they haven't got the hang of it yet, and threatening to punish them by 'clearing out their room' is not fine.

I did lol up the thread though when someone called 7 year old's being untidy 'a health and safety issue'. Lol and eyeroll.

Original poster
Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 16:10

Great to read some balanced views!

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/05/2015 16:13

Britnay - ah yes, the good old days when my ds did the same, something seemed to happen though at the age of about 10, it was like he had never heard of a laundry basket in his lifeGrin

howabout · 07/05/2015 16:21

She is 7. She has too much stuff or she just has too much stuff in her room. She has her own room.
Mine share and this leads to peer pressure to maintain territorial boundaries. All electronics, CDs and most books and toys are stored in the living room. Fancy and non seasonal clothes are stored away. In our house the bedrooms are for sleeping in and the playing and carrying on gets dine in public rooms but this may not suit your set up. Bedroom tidying happens in a race against the hoover and everyone helps. Hope I have been constructive and if not you will force me to admit to standing at the door holding a binbag in a threatening manner.

JugglingLife · 07/05/2015 16:29

Brace yourself MrChubster, you may be in it for the long haul. My DD (now 11), has been a messy, disgusting, hoarding little princess for years. Her room can be trashed in an instant. She does not see it, she does not care, I fear there is no cure, I have tried everything. Nowadays I try and shut the door on it. She is an absolute slattern, I feel sorry for her future DH. Grin Still, revenge is planned, one day she too will produce an evil, messy little princess and I shall sit back and enjoy every single moment. Wink Have a Wine.

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2015 16:38

britnay not mean but it depends on how he plays, doesn't it? At 3 ds1 would often spend several hours building a train track, adding duplo buildings, stationing his teddies at various strategic points, maybe some toy cars in the mix as well. Then he'd play with the set up - changing it, adding stuff, moving stuff round - for days. Personally, I think it would have been mean for me to make him clear it up at bedtime.

Again personally, I've never got on board with the idea of 'play with one thing at a time then put it away' - it seems so dull. Jigsaws are left out 'to show daddy when he gets home', games of monopoly go on for days but you can do other things in between. My dining table is perminently burried under ongoing art projects.

clearly a tidy house is not a priority round here

crassula · 07/05/2015 16:42

I treated all my things carelessly until I was in my twenties. I just wasn't that bothered about them. My room was a mess, and I wasn't that fussed if stuff gets broken. Nothing like that now - I just naturally grew out of it . I'm glad I now don't like to waste things, and have more appreciation for them, but I sometimes miss the days when I just wasn't that fussed by actual stuff because I was too busy doing other things

britnay · 07/05/2015 16:42

When I was growing up, we had a maid who came several times a week (common for where I am from), so I never learnt to clean or tidy. Ditto cooking. I am paying for it now! I'm determined that my son's will be better, for their own (and future partners!) sake! :)

Original poster
Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 16:44

Juggling ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 16:46

HollyJolly, that blog is brilliant!

OP posts:
TheMagnificientFour · 07/05/2015 17:55

I really can't understand how posters say that she is just 7yo and let her be. I suppose that's the same posters who say that when you are talkimng abut a teenager or a 17yo. That's their life, let them be.

I'm sorry but I don't think that's a good enough answer. Children need to learn what it means to look after belongings, how much work is involved in tidying up, ironing etc... They need to learn to look after their own stuff. Otherwise you end up with a 12yo that 'forgets' his PE stuff at school and you have to buy 5 of them each year, and the ruler and... and ....and...

The way I've done it with my dcs is to not replace stuff that is broken. If she doesn't mimd, then probably either the item wasn't that important after all or she ahs too much stuff. When she will have broken a lot of it and it's not replaced, she will be more careful
Go through all the toys etc and throw away all the ones that are broken or not 'needed' anymore.
have a routine of clearing stuff up every evening. Not just her bedroom but also downstairs, living room etc. Stay with her, as calm as possible, put a timer in and challenge her to tidy stuff up in 15mins. Make a race of it with her db.
Stay wityh her when she is tidying up. Maybe help her a bit when she starts until she is doing it qall.
Don't think that because you've done it once she will kw. It's a long term thing and yu will still reminding her abut it in 5 or 10 years time.
But do NOT give up. She isn't going to learn if yu don't show her what to do, force her to do it. Think about her houisemates when she is at Uni or whatever that will have to put up with her mess, how much she will have damaged and lost because she isn't careful.

Original poster
Mrchubster · 07/05/2015 18:01

Yes I am sure this problem has been exacerbated by DD having too many things (much of which is now in loft and she hasn't missed in the slightest!)

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 07/05/2015 18:02

youaintseen the health and safety mentioned by me?? If so, eye roll right back at ya!! In the context I was talking about ( I know, it's more fun to forget the context) was about a school and classroom situation.... If ALL the class left their crap lying around, teachers and TA's included! 7 is well old enough to learn to tidy as they go.

MellieGrant · 07/05/2015 18:08

I disagree with the majority too and think the 'feeling sorry for DD' comments are ridiculous.

I would have a mass clear out this weekend and use a reward chart after that.

Nanny0gg · 07/05/2015 18:12

You've taken some stuff away - good.
She's got plenty of storage - good.

Expecting her to keep it tidy on her own - never going to happen.

Yes, you have plenty to do but I would suggest that if you want her to tidy, you set aside some time and do it with her/watch over her doing it.

One big tidy at the weekend and 15 minutes before bed every night.

She should get the hang of it just as she leaves home... Grin

gabsdot45 · 07/05/2015 22:41

My DD is also 7 and I could have written your post. The mess in her room drives me mad. A few months ago I put about 2/3 of her toys in the attic and every week I rotate what's in the attic.
That has helped a lot because there is less stuff to mess up.
Another thing I sometimes do is I let her tell me what to do, put the book on the shelf, put the dress up clothes in the box etc. i figure that this helps her learn how to tidy up, but it's a game because she is the boss.
Also I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 7 year old to tidy up and to be responsible for their possessions. My son is 11 and he has kept his room tidy since he was younger than 7.