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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you dish it out you have to be prepared to take it back

27 replies

chaletdays · 07/05/2015 13:50

A woman in work has spent the whole morning needling people, making sly digs etc. (eg imitating the accent of a rather posh colleague, making loud comments about 'favourites' in front of a colleague whose dad is related to one of the managers). Eventually someone just snapped at her to STFU and the rest of us agreed that she was being annoying and childish.

Apparently she is now out in the toilets with her friend sobbing and saying people know she's in the middle of moving house and has a son doing A Levels and shouldn't be so nasty to her when she's so stressed.

AIBU to think that people who go on and on until they provoke a reaction and then start coming over all tearful and offended need a good kick up the arse?

OP posts:
thelastflame · 07/05/2015 13:52

Urgh, YANBU, I hate this.

People who are really 'thick-skinned' and lacking in empathy when they dish it out and then come over the victim and turn on the waterworks when they're on the receiving end drive me nuts this is my Mum all over, I've had a lifetime of it

CornChips · 07/05/2015 13:53

YANBU.

DadfromUncle · 07/05/2015 13:55

YANBU although it took me a while to realise I can't take it - so I no longer dish it.

Leeds2 · 07/05/2015 13:56

YANBU.

And, when she comes out the toilets, you should explain to her why.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2015 13:56

YANBU but I don't like the part where the rest of you all agreed, once one person pulled her up.

That smacks a bit of jumping on the bandwagon a bit.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2015 13:57

Too many bits in my last post Blush

wheresthelight · 07/05/2015 13:57

playground bullies can rarely take it back unfortunately.

there is a woman at my work who does this, unfortunately she is best mates with her boss and the boss is married to a company director so no one is going to stand up to her

Original poster
chaletdays · 07/05/2015 13:58

We were backing her up because she was speaking for all of us. I would have felt worse keeping my head down and letting her fight everyone's battle with this colleague.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 07/05/2015 14:00

Yanbu leave her to her pity party. She was being nasty and got some back. So what if she's under stress, does she think it's anyone's problem.

googoodolly · 07/05/2015 14:00

YANBU at all. I have a colleague like this and it drives me nuts. She's perfectly happy to criticise other people (to their face and behind their back) but as soon as someone stands up to her, she gets upset and sulks about it Hmm

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2015 14:00

But why did she need to speak for all of you when you can all speak for yourselves?

I get that she was annoying and I agree with the person who pulled her up.

I just think the rest of it might have made her feel ganged up on.

caravanstar79 · 07/05/2015 14:02

YANBU. I knew someone who did this. Used to dish it out - it was well past 'direct' or 'honest' and well into 'effing rude/cruel' territory - but the minute anyone pulled her up on this (not easy, she was a cow) it was floodgates time, never seen anyone so hurt in all my life. Wt actual f? Was very intelligent as well - but I guess being clever doesn't always translate as emotional intelligence, or having any insight/self awareness. Or maybe was just a raving narc. Whatever. Either way -YANBU. Wide berth, is what I'd suggest. Can't be doing with this, pet hate of mine (and I have a few).

abigamarone · 07/05/2015 14:05

She's being rude and obnoxious because her son's doing A'levels? I must remember that one.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 07/05/2015 14:06

Totally agree op.

Types like her needle and pick at you and when you bite back they go sobbing away telling everyone how nasty you are.

Bullies don't like it back.

Stand firm, she needs to accept she was out of order and change.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 07/05/2015 14:07

Yeah dds doing GCSEs! So what!

MehsMum · 07/05/2015 14:07

YANBU. DC in middle of exams is no excuse for being unpleasant and snide to other people.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/05/2015 14:12

Perhaps this episode will make her think twice in future. Some people do get carried away. A colleague used to do impressions of staff but oh how the tears flowed when similar was directed at her.

Tequilashotsfor1 · 07/05/2015 14:54

YANBU!!

Mil did this when I started doing it back she was very uncomfortable Grin

Eg...

"OMG tequila are you going to eat all that!" ( she said it every fucking Saturday when we had a family take away)

The next time she said it I replied " yes. Tbf though mil its a standard size, you think it's large because what you eat in a day - you could put in a kinder egg. It's really not healthy you know" (fake concern )

She stopped taking the piss out off me a long time ago Grin

Theycallmemellowjello · 07/05/2015 15:08

Hm yanbu BUT I do think that some people are just extremely insensitive. She may have thought it was just 'banter' and not intended to upset anyone or realised that she might be upsetting. In that case being told to stfu might have seemed to come out of nowhere and I get why she'd be upset. Maybe just explain gently to her why what she was doing was upsetting and then offer to put it behind you?

nickersinaknot · 07/05/2015 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chaletdays · 07/05/2015 15:28

I actually used to have a boss like this before. She would keep picking on you over tiny things and when you eventually snapped, she would run to the Manager to complain about your attitude.
She was awful to work with, we all walked on egg shells around her. Mind you, I think she may have had MH issues.

OP posts:
ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 07/05/2015 15:31

YANBU. I know, or rather have known, a few people like this. They annoy me a lot. If you're going to be horrible to people, you need to be able to accept protest at the very least, and at the worst, something similar in return or worse. I have more respect for people who are horrible, but don't bat an eyelid if people return the attitude.

Horrible, spiteful and cruel bully I used to work with. She was very nasty about people, and often used to insult people under the guise of 'just being honest, love' type comments. But she simply couldn't take ANY criticism or similar comments. She was the reason I left that particular job. Manipulative and nasty. And very, very annoying!

YouTheCat · 07/05/2015 15:33

There's plenty of people in this world who've been through house moves and children doing exams. Most of us manage not to be utter twats.

I can't stand people who make excuses for their behaviour in this manner.

YouAintSeenNothingYet · 07/05/2015 15:43

Well, it's a shame that you guys all kind of ganged up on her to be honest. What she did was horrible and she should have definitely seen a retaliation coming so YANBU to say that she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it, but it's a shame you all kind of made yourselves as bad as each other in the end. If you didn't like her comments at the time perhaps you could have said so rather than have the big ganging up scene.

Original poster
chaletdays · 07/05/2015 15:54

Well what actually happened was that one person finally snapped back, and colleague then looked to us for support (did you hear the way she just spoke to me? kind of thing) and we all said that actually we also found her remarks childish and annoying and had heard enough for one morning.

There was no ganging up, as such. Just agreeing with one colleague over another when an issue came to a head.

OP posts:
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