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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only ask 6 out of 25 children to ds's party?

27 replies

Wideeyedcarrrot · 07/05/2015 13:46

He'll be six.
That's ok though isn't it? Six out of 25? Not too many that the others will be sad? He's asking three boys and three girls (which is just how it's fallen). A lot of the others have had just girl parties or just boy parties. Ds has been to a couple of whole class parties too and we haven't invited all the children that have previously invited ds to their parties simply because they had big parties and asked lots of people and ds is only asking children he plays with a lot.
I feel guilty though!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/05/2015 13:46

6 is fine.

I think a general rule of thumb is less than half or the whole class.

TeenAndTween · 07/05/2015 13:47

YANBU. Don't feel guilty.

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2015 13:47

6 out of 25 is fine Smile No need to feel guilty at all.

OrlandoWoolf · 07/05/2015 13:47

That's what we've always done. Don't think we've had been to many whole class parties.

balletgirlmum · 07/05/2015 13:48

6 is fine but I'd ask a couple more as it's likely not everyone will be able to make it b

pootlebug · 07/05/2015 13:48

No that's fine.
The 'reciprocal' arrangement of being asked to a party is that you take a present. You don't have to invite every child who invited your child, imo.

And I agree with Sirzy - less than half, or all of the class.

JemimaPuddlePop · 07/05/2015 13:48

No that's fine!

I agree with the pp, less than half or the whole class.

Hoppinggreen · 07/05/2015 13:49

As a general rule
All the girls
All the boys
2/3 of the class or fewer ( unless this means less than about 5 not invited
Whole class.
I've been doing this about 7 years and never fallen out with anybody over it.

morethanpotatoprints · 07/05/2015 13:50

YANBU to only want six dc and out of 25 this is fair.
However, I think YABU not to invite people who invited your dc, especially if he attended their parties. No way could I have done this, I'm not sure I'd have known where to put my face tbh.

Tommy · 07/05/2015 13:55

that's crazy though morethanpotatoprints! what of your child gets invited to every child's party but you only have the space or finances for a small party of 6?

Invite who your child wants to come - invitations are that - an freely given invitation. If you start getting into party politics, you'll never hear the end of it and you'll be skint

kali110 · 07/05/2015 13:56

Thats fine

Jellyrollquiltmom · 07/05/2015 13:59

One guest per year of age was our rule (twins and younger siblings count as one) until 7. Then it was single playdates throughout the year instead of a birthday party. It's not just the kids you're having round, it's the parents/babysitters as well. Can you and your house cope with 40 people? Brew

morethanpotatoprints · 07/05/2015 14:00

Tommy Grin

It's just what we did, I don't think any of mine were invited to all parties and not all dc had parties.
But if they had attended child x party, child x would be invited to theirs.
I don't see it as party politics but basic social skills.

Leeds2 · 07/05/2015 14:00

Sounds fine to me.

Teacuptravells · 07/05/2015 14:02

Gosh we certainly didn't invite everyone whose we'd been invited to ! Many children have whole clas parties which my daughter went to. We didn't so she only invited her closest friends. It would be madness to invite xyz simply as she'd been to theirs if she was only invited to theirs due to it being a class invite not aas she was close to them!!

pilates · 07/05/2015 14:03

Absolutely fine Smile

Allinson2014 · 07/05/2015 14:10

I've invited six from DS2's class as its a joint party with DS1. I couldn't invite all the people who he's previously been to parties off so I asked him who he wanted and invited those. Bit worried I've broken an unwritten rule now though Shock

Original poster
Wideeyedcarrrot · 07/05/2015 14:35

See some of the children who have had whole class parties ds doesn't really play with. It's not that he doesn't like them but he just doesn't play with them very much. So I sort of felt bad making him ask children he doesn't play with instead of the ones he does. Especially since they would then probably think 'but ds is my friend so why has he invited x instead of me?'

Gah. It's complicated!

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 07/05/2015 14:45

OP It is not complicated.

Your child is invited to a party. In return they give a present.

Your child holds a party. He invites who you and he want, in this case his 6 closest friends.

Teacuptravells · 07/05/2015 16:44

Dont feel guilty it really isnt complicated.

If you hold a small(er at any rate) party of course you only invite those your child currently plays with. At a young age that varies month by month anyway!

If you hold a v.big party you invite the whole class and anyone whose party you've been to if you want to.

We've never had a whole class party. I think they're quite overwhelming for lots of R /yr1 children anyway.

OrlandoWoolf · 07/05/2015 17:00

I really think MN should publish a list of etiquette..

Weddings
parties
Hen nights

etc

dementedpixie · 07/05/2015 17:05

of course 6 out of 25 is ok and I wouldnt feel obliged to invite everyone who had invited your child as that way you could end up with a full class party anyway!

Anomaly · 07/05/2015 17:11

You can't always invite every child who invited yours. I do parties every year for all three of my children inviting 15ish children to each one. No way have my kids had that many invites in return and I wouldn't expect them too. Loads of kids don't have parties ever because they're expensive and a pita!

VelvetRose · 07/05/2015 17:55

That's fine. We always did this. Well we once joined up with other parents and had a massive party but dd loathed it!

VelvetRose · 07/05/2015 17:56

Definitely don't feel you have to always do reciprocal invites. Dad's two best friends never ever had parties so if we'd gone by that rule they'd never have been invited!