Driving 460 miles in one day to attend a birthday lunch??!? AIBU?

[MillyMolly99]

DH’s father lives 230 miles away from us, and the journey involves the M25. It usually takes approx. 5 hours by car, or 3.5 hours by train.

DH has often suggested we go and see FIL for day, but I think this is far too much driving in one day; neither of us are good at driving when we’re tired and whoever is driving back home struggles with the return journey. It’s only approx. £45 to get a Travel Lodge overnight, or the alternative is the train, and the train times work well for us.

As FIL is now very elderly and in poor health, we try and visit as often as we can.

Its FIL’s birthday soon, and a birthday lunch is arranged. Understandably, DH wants to go. However he insists we drive there and back the same day. I’m really opposed to this, on safety grounds. I’m suggesting we either overnight in a Travel Lodge, or use the train to go there and back the same day.

Due to FIL’s failing health, DH finds visits very upsetting, and given it’s going to be a difficult visit, I’m quite concerned that 10 hours driving on one day is frankly insane, when there are alternative options.

AIBU?

I'm just slightly nervous about the London train change/tube part of the journey if I'm travelling alone.

OP - if this visiting his father is an ongoing thing, you could get a 2-Together Railcard which might help to persuade him to take the train more often:

Two Together Railcard - £30 for a whole year

Get 1/3 off rail fares when you travel together with the new Two Together Railcard.
The new Two Together Railcard gives two named adults 1/3 off rail fares when they travel together by train. You can get 1/3 off Standard and First Class Anytime, Off-Peak and Advance fares on train services throughout Great Britain, when you travel after 0930 Monday to Friday, and any time at weekends and on Public Holidays. The Two Together Railcard costs just £30 – that’s £15 each - and you can use it as many times as you like throughout the year. To find out more and buy online visit twotogether-railcard.co.uk. You will need digital photos of the two named people on the Railcard.

Don't be nervous, OP, people on here will help you with that - it's easy, really.

FWIW, I regularly do 400-mile round trips to see family and only in dire circumstances would I attempt it in one day. In fact I've only done it once, for various unfortunate reasons, and it wasn't enjoyable. I would never do it again.

I'm afraid your DH is being very U.

I actually booked train tickets for both of us yesterday, we both have Two Together railcards, so the tickets were quite a good price. If DH suddenly decided we'd be doing to travel lodge option, there is also the option to cancel the train tickets.

But I'm still worried he may say that he's driving there and back the same day. Bizarrely we've always done our 'visiting day trips' on the train in the past, because DH has reluctantly had to concede that it's just too far to drive there and back in one day. So god knows why things are different this time.

I think he's feeling quite guilty that we're so such a long distance away when his Dad is so frail, and in some weird way feels the need to make some sort of grand, heroic gesture to prove his commitment. If that makes sense.

I'm just slightly nervous about the London train change/tube part of the journey if I'm travelling alone.

You're an adult, though, right?

Yes, I'm an adult. So I'm quite capable of asking for help. I'm just a bit nervous about negotiating London transport alone, that's all.

You are doing the right thing. If you want advice about crossing London, let us know which stations you are travelling between, and you'll get lots of advice.

Tfl website is usually pretty good.

You do know about the transport for London planning website. They even give you little maps for bits you need to walk.

OP please don't worry about london change overs etc. I know it's daunting if you aren't used to it, but people are pretty helpful of you need to ask.

and ignore the recent stupid questions on here

Oh that's a good idea Radia!

Let us know which stations you're using MillyMolly

If he still insists then just go ahead and take the train. At least he can't accuse you of being unsupportive even though he did say you don't have to go.

He is being utterly ridiculous about this! You have offered him to perfectly good alternatives but he is being stubborn and ridiculous. YANBU. There are too many tragic stories on here about tired drivers.

UPDATE - DH has agreed to either stay in a travel lodge or take the train. I had decided to let the matter drop for a few days, but he came home from work last night and raised the issue himself, he was quite reasonable about it. He genuinely feels we'd be ok with all the driving, but said that he doesn't want to make me anxious, so he's letting me make the travel arrangements.

It would only take a split-second lapse of concentration to cause an accident, and I'm relieved we won't be in that position.

Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions.

Far too much driving. Travel lodge (cooked breakfast!) or train.

Glad you got it sorted Milly.

Brilliant. Glad he has seen sense (almost).

I'm glad it is sorted. I totally agree with you that the train is the best option. I'd would be daft to drive that distance in a day if you don't have to and it probably doesn't even save much money once you take wear and tear of the car into account rather than just petrol.

If you stay in a Travel Lodge, you can see your FIL two days running, can't you? That has to be worth the extra money.