To wonder why so many use PFB to diminish someone's feelings/experience?

[WaddaLegend]

I just don't get it! I understand if it's your first child you are less experienced than those who've been there done that but just because a parent is sensitive about their child's feelings etc doesn't necessarily mean it's because it's their PFB iyswim? Can't the parent of an only child have valid concerns about their child just because they only have one child? Or do people think you'll care less when you have more than one child? I don't mean to be intentionally thick but it just seems unkind and dismissive, aibu?

Of course pfb is condescending but depending on your interpretation, so it should be.

To me, pfb is not about your feelings towards your child but about expecting everyone else to accept that your child is somehow more special then everyone else's. That some how your child's needs should take priority over everyone else's. That the issues your child has, have never been experienced before by all of humanity.

Many people manage to ask questions or seek support while still being aware that they live as part of a wider community who have experience and knowledge which may be applicable. Therefore they aren't being all pfb.

The reason you don't get asked about perfect second borns is because people usual have at least some experience by the time the second one comes around and are a little more circumspect.

However, I do think sometimes the phrase gets bandied about when it isn't necessary or when someone has a legitimate complaint /issue.

I don't see it that way. It's a gently amused way of saying "there there, we've been there and done similar, so don't worry."

Funny how we can view it differently

Interesting discussion.

I always think of, and use, "PFB" in an affectionate way. I think a lot of examples of PFB type behaviour is almost touching, that level of concern and worry over tiny little things shows how anxious we are to get it right.

It's only humorous when people recognise their own PFB behaviour though, very easy to offend if they haven't! In which case they need telling

That post was really badly written though, sorry!

It isn't anything to do with the number of children. It should be precious parent rather than precious baby.
Most parents relax over time- especially when the baby walks and talks and has a mind of their own.

Of course pfb is condescending

There is no "of course" about it, it's just your opinion.

I look back fondly on my PFB days. I wasn't so jaded then. I feel all nostalgic when someone has a PFB moment. For me it certainly has absolutely no condescension about it.

My PFB instructions to my mother actually instructed her to walk backwards slowly out of the room once ds was asleep in his cot. snort!

I have no problem with the world laughing at that one and my PFB daftness. I would not have felt the same in the first 18 months of his life...

I had to google PFB, yes that's rude and YANBU. I have four precious children and sometimes I have to face new challenges with my 4th. If anyone patronised me about it, I'd tell them where to stick it

....was once told to only wear 'gentle' colours around nephew like blue as bright colours might disturb and upset him.

...when sister brought nephew round to ours for the first time, she insisted that our very old, very tired, very ill, very non-interested-in-children little dog was tied up to a stick in the garden lest he ravage her precious baby. Like he even had the strength to do so, even if he was vicious (which he isn't).

I had to recognise my PFBness recently on a AIBU thread.
It was helpful to read these things get better with experience. Helped me put things in perspective.
That said, people need to say it in a nice way. If you're PFBing, you're probably hormonal and/or sleep deprived and can't take a bashing.

Someone nice who didn't mean to be so rude after all linked this PFB examples thread for me, I'll do the same :)

I was intensely PFB about DS1. He had a proper rigidly enforced bedtime, I tried controlled crying (many times!) I would almost sit on him trying to get his teeth properly cleaned while he screamed fit to bust, I once had a meltdown in H&B once because they had no organic tomato puree to go in his lentil, basil and tomato baby food, I sobbed in the A&E when he fell and was bleeding from the mouth only to be told rather drily by the doctor 'Yes, that IS a nasty split lip'. I agonised over his homework and was desperate to encourage a love of books to the extent I read the entirety of LOTR with him. ...I could go on.

Next two times I had learned the maternal benefits of a little bit of benign neglect (it was that or die of exhaustion!).

Ironically he is the one of my children I have most to worry about now - he has had fillings whereas the others haven't, he messed up his GCSEs while DD is sailing confidently towards a string of As. He is currently failing to 'fulfil his potential' in his second year at college doing a Furniture Making course. DD has fully-fledged plans for her A levels, university and future career and is doing things to make it happen. I look at him and while I love him to bits I do feel a bit despairing. Everything he does is difficult, I feel like Sisyphus and his bloody rock!

If a bit of mild-ribbing prevents anyone else being a muppet about their first child it''s worthwhile IMO.

Hi, sorry I've been busy today. Hoppity and olgaga, that's what I was trying to get at when I mentioned only children. Thank you for putting it much better than I could :)

:-)