To feel really icky about this? DP and female colleague

[feelsallicky]

I'm really hoping for some perspective on this.

I'm not usually a jealous person at all so I don't know if I'm just being weird.

A few weeks ago DP was telling me about his boss thinking there was something going on between him and a new woman in his job because he had seem them walking towards the bus stop together but DP was going a different way and she playfully touched his arm/shoved him as he wasn't walking with her as he normally would. DP told me this in a "this is how strange the boss is" in of way but admittedly it made me curious about her and he was saying that on the bus she's always asking him those "get to know you" questions like if you were stranded on a desert island, where would you most like to visit etc. The only other references I recall about her is when she was asking him what he was getting me for Valentines day and she told him his idea was terrible (it wasn't) and a time he bought me perfume and she smelt it and said it wasn't nice. All irrelevant but I'm trying to build the only picture I have.

I don't know why but the picture he was innocently building made it seem like she fancied him and I asked if they had swapped numbers and he said yeah actually just the other day she asked for his so she could check when the boss is on his way back.

You're probably all going to think I'm so paranoid but ordinarily I'm not at all, there's just something about this.

Anyway I said I bet she'll start finding excuses to text you and he said well yeah she did already text asking what something meant (a slang word she heard someone using as English isn't her first langauge) but she really came across quite flirty. The other night I asked if he had heard from her and he said no but in bed that night he was showing me something on whatsapp and I saw loads of new messages she'd sent him,he let me see (please don't flame me! I was upset and shocked that he had lied to me) they were completely innocent, for every two or three messages she sent him he replied maybe once being polite, nice but not at overly chatty whereas she really did seem to find any excuse to text.

The fact he lied to me really upset me and we had a big row, I hate lies, I see no reason for them. I'm not controlling or jealous so i see no reason why he'd hide it from me.

Then last night he came home and he said she wont be texting him again that she thinks he's a total weirdo now, i asked why and he said she asked about his weekend and he said it wasn't great, that he'd had a fight with me because he had lied about her texts etc. He claims he did it to nip it in the bud but I'm so hurt he would discuss our private life with the one person we had argued about.

AIBU, I really don't know if I am but this all feels scarily similar to how so many relationship threads start!

Thanks again everyone. I do see all points of view raised.

I think if we didn't have such a good relationship then it probably would push me to end it, that might sound dramatic to some but I really can't stand lies and he certainly wasn't scared to tell me, he says it's because he didn't want me asking about her texting so it was more an irritant to him but we ask each other about many aspects of our work lives but he could see I was a little iffy but honestly up until the lie it was just in a jokey way.

However, we do have a great relationship and I think it can be gotten over.

I know what people are saying about the lie etc but for me lying is just unacceptable no matter what the reason (the example of the controlling husband really isn't appropriate in this situation!) People all their individual things and lying is mine, even mild exaggeration really puts me off people immediately. So that combined with the fact it was about contact with a woman I was already feeling a bit funny about made it a lot worse.

Definitely time to leave it now though, there's nothing else to be achieved I don't think.

Again, I really do appreciate every reply!

Me too john although, I have to say, I wouldn't say it caused problems but that I made us both uncomfortable.

OP I am glad to here that you feel you can move forward with dp. If lying, is your line. Then that's your line.

Hopefully he has also learnt how to deal with difficult situations a little better as well as understanding how its made you feel. I wish you the best of luck.