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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have used the c word on MY OWN Facebook page?

89 replies

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 07:54

Apparently I am an embarrassment and offensive to have used the word "cunt"on my own Facebook page. AIBU to have done this? I know the word is divisive, but this comment is from someone who uses the word themselves. Do I need to edit what I write?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 05/05/2015 10:26

Family and Facebook do not mix.

Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:30

RedToothBrush you are right! I'm so tight with the number of friends that I have, precisely so I can be myself, but what do you do with the family and in-law family requests? I like being on fb as it keeps me connected to far away friends and local events etc.

OP posts:
FujimotosElixir · 05/05/2015 10:31

hang on ,your husbands shouting at you and you've unfriended him?sounds like lunacy over a swear word,have you asked is it him who has an issue with it ir anticipated tutting,disaproving relatives thats making him tetchy? (you probably have)..sorry im not being very helpful.

FujimotosElixir · 05/05/2015 10:31

*or

demonchilde · 05/05/2015 10:32

I usually hate it when people make a fuss about swearing, to me it's just words. But I personally wouldn't use that word on FB as I wouldnt want much older or younger 'friends' seeing it. I do use bollocks and twat far too much though so maybe I'm a hypocrite.

I also think maybe it depends a bit on the context. Used in a general/ jokey/ sarcastic manner would I think be a loss less Shock to people than a serious 'fuck off you cunt' to a specific person.

Flingmoo · 05/05/2015 10:35

I disagree, maybe it depends on the family but for me, Facebook is mainly about family these days. My family are mainly cool though and more like friends to me.

Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:38

Fuji, I think it's both. I'm too opinionated and outspoken for him I think. And to make these opinions public is even worse, and then to add a swear word is just going way too far. He'll be worrying that his family will be offended and talking about it. Or something like that. It's like they've never met anyone who questions anything before.

OP posts:
Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:42

Demon, I'm not calling the woman in Tesco a cunt, but may have called a particular political party it.

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbia · 05/05/2015 10:42

You can set up lists of people in fb and then share statuses with those lists only. So, you could set up a list with all your actual friends and exclude your relatives and in-laws, then set up one for in-laws, another for your workmates etc. Then you can pick your audience each time you post something.

I think that if you wouldn't say it to their face, you shouldn't say it in writing where they'll see it either, so this way you'll spare your DH's great aunt Ethel any potential shock.

kali110 · 05/05/2015 10:45

Use what you want. Your fb page. Someone thought you were an embarrassment just because of a word that says more about them than you.

FlaviaAlbia · 05/05/2015 10:47

Though if DH knew his language in front of my family offended or upset me, I'd be pissed off that he'd just dismiss my feelings because he's "opinionated and outspoken" and I should take it or leave it. I wouldn't be asking him to change his opinions, just find other words to express them.

MrsFrisbyMouse · 05/05/2015 11:02

it's up to you. But would you stand in a room full of all your friends and family and shout it out loud with a megaphone? - Metaphorically speaking this is what you do on the internet. The only thing that changes is the size of the room!

Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 11:05

Flavia, he'd never mentioned it before. This attack was out of the blue, so I had not disregarded his feelings. It's a fucking word I chose to use, and the opinion was mine. I've come full circle. I'm outraged again now. They can think what they fucking well like! Grin

OP posts:
IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 05/05/2015 11:10

It's a fucking word I chose to use,

Ah, but how about I choose to use it at my sisters wedding in my speech? They're all adults & I've decided I "own" it.

Just because you can doesn't necessarily make you big & clever to do so.....

Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 11:17

I do have a sense of decorum, I would not use any swear words at a ceremony or during a speech. I used to be an English teacher, I do have a wide vocabulary. However, fb is a bit lairy and sweary, and I decided to use this word.

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 05/05/2015 11:27

own your decisions

don't let others own them

FujimotosElixir · 05/05/2015 11:27

oh right,i have to say it sounds like maybe you 2 are a bit incompatible?

SorryToDisturbYou · 05/05/2015 11:30

Perhaps it is more the political element - if you said, eg "what type of absolute cunt would vote for party X?!" then you might be accidentally calling Aunt Flo an absolute cunt. IYSWIM.

Lesausage · 05/05/2015 11:35

Gosh! I grew up in rural Spain before it was over run by ex pats and all the villagers used cunt (coño) and little cunt (coñito) as a term of endearment!

My dh step mums family are all very up their own arse and look down on everyone naice and pmd dh saying that his video by Kat mcsnatch was horrible!

I thought the cunt song was brilliant!

Tell dh to loosen up and the world will be a better place Flowers

Original poster
shattered77 · 05/05/2015 11:36

Sorry, I would never do that! I'm not trying to have a dig at his family. They are too far gone Smile. Fuji, yes, I've thought that for a while. I honestly didn't realise how against confrontation he is, I fear that my opinions may have been a novelty that have now worn off, and all I am is an embarrassment Sad.

OP posts:
AliceLidl · 05/05/2015 11:54

"...very different if a 7-year-old is going to see it and ask their parents what it means."

But a 7 year old shouldn't be on Facebook anyway, they are meant to be 13 to get an account.

OP I recently deleted my DH from my friends list. He'd added a relative that I am no contact with.

He'd added them despite me asking him to reject the friends request, mainly because this person wore him down with a barrage of texts and tears. When I realised he'd gone ahead, and asked him why, he said "how could I say no?"

Well he knew how important it was to me, so that's how. This person has caused so much harm and damage, said and done the worst things. Just the thought of contact from them makes me feel ill.

So I deleted him. He wasn't happy, and he deleted the relative and sent me a friend request again.

I hadn't deleted him to force his hand, but because this relative is toxic. They would have used the contact with him to try and get to me and our DS, and this was the best way I had to protect us if DH wasn't going to do it.

Ironically, they haven't even noticed he's deleted them.

demonchilde · 05/05/2015 11:55

Well in that case Shattered it sounds quite apt [grin

Am wetting myself at 'conito' ..

AdoraBell · 05/05/2015 12:23

PMSL at "conito". I'm in Chile and I thought "gordo" was bad enough, it means fatty, at least here.

OP YANBU at all but in your position I would segregate your friend list as suggested. As for him shouting at you, I fear you may be right about the novelty of wife with Shock opinions maybe wearing thin.

family, and particularly DH's is the reason I don't use FB.

Feminine · 05/05/2015 12:24

I wouldn't put it on Facebook.
Because you have decided to "own it" doesn't mean other people have.
For me, it has to be one of the vilest words.

I hear the word, and immediately think of a rioting skinhead!

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2015 12:35

Hmmm

You see I don't swear on FB. I've got my (lovely but elderly) mom and (teenaged) kids on there, plus some of their mates, and I really wouldn't use that in their hearing in RL so I wouldn't use it on FB.

I wouldn't be very impressed to be told by my DP what I could and couldn't post on FB but if he said "hey Bit, I know Aunty Mabel will have an attack of the vapours if she sees that, I don't suppose you'd mind toning it down a bit would you?", I would, because I don't go out of my way to purposely offend people. Not saying you have purposely OP but you may well have

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