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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have used the c word on MY OWN Facebook page?

89 replies

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 07:54

Apparently I am an embarrassment and offensive to have used the word "cunt"on my own Facebook page. AIBU to have done this? I know the word is divisive, but this comment is from someone who uses the word themselves. Do I need to edit what I write?

OP posts:

prepperpig · 05/05/2015 08:39

Defriending your own DH on FB is surely never going to end well.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/05/2015 08:41

I've blocked my Dh on fb.

I would block anyone who told me what I could or couldn't write on fb.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2015 08:42

So what, prep? He does not get to dictate how she speaks.

wigglesrock · 05/05/2015 08:45

I use the word cunt occasionally, my husband never does, he doesn't like it. It still wouldn't occur to me not use it, I don't stand in front of him shouting it but I will use it in conversation and in this case it was written down on a Facebook wall that's not the husbands.

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 05/05/2015 08:49

If its election related, do you also have political dissimilarities with dh, that may lead to him having a larger than usual response to referring to one party as a shower of cunts?

ShadowFire · 05/05/2015 08:54

It's not a word I would use personally or one i like to see written down. Having said that, I'd be inclined to ignore anyone hypocritical enough to say you shouldn't use that word when they use it themselves.

My biggest concern would be if you had work colleagues as friends and your profile stated where you work, because using bad language on a Facebook account that could be linked with the company would breach the social networking policy at my work, and could lead to disciplinary action.

SistersofPercy · 05/05/2015 08:55

If my dh tried to censor me or my thoughts you're damn right i'd be blocking him on Facebook. I'd probably be considering blocking him in real life as well.

prepperpig · 05/05/2015 08:57

He doesn't get to dictate how she speaks no. I personally swear far more than my DH does. But if he really had strong views about a word I had used in public I'd probably change it. I certainly wouldn't post an apology but I would take note and try to temper my language in future whilst still expressing the same overall view. For the sake of (relative) marital harmony.

But as I said earlier, I personally find the use of the word quite horrible (I would raise my eyebrows and judge rather than splutter out my tea). I certainly haven't noticed it being used in normal speech until a couple of years ago (and even now it's mainly on MN!) I've never heard it used in RL in the way it's commonly used on MN. I think people use it for shock value and therefore have to expect some negative reaction.

EuphemiaCoxton · 05/05/2015 08:58

How dare you be on Facebook!
Get back into the 1950s where you belong and start making your husbands dinner, and then look at pictures of kittens

Bogeyface · 05/05/2015 09:04

None of my female friends have an issue with the word, but the men do and I cant work that out.

As a PP said, if you dont have one then you dont get to decide if I can say it!

Original poster

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 09:17

No work related people on fb. I wouldn't be unprofessional. I'm nearly forty too, so it's not an age thing. I've had a very good education and have been brought up to be a feminist and anti-establishment to a large degree. I'm very opinionated which dh says he loves me for, but I think he's a bit surprised by it sometimes. I'm not really an "appearances" person, and he is as his background is very conservative. He doesn't mind me using the word, but is concerned that his family will judge me and not like me. I know this view is valid, but I still think it's shallow and not my problem. I find it so petty and embarrassing to be falling out over fb. Surely the best thing is to unfriend, but I am now paying for this.

OP posts:

Stopandlook · 05/05/2015 09:36

I think it's offensive, but then I get raise my eyebrows at any swearing unless it's me doing it I think because my mum never ever swore.

But, that's just me, you should be free to do as you choose.

AuntyMag10 · 05/05/2015 09:45

It does make you sound dirty and vile but that's my opinion. If you are happy to use it then you shouldn't care what others think.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 05/05/2015 09:50

I'd judge you & put you quite firmly in "that" box in my mind....

I swear by the way, but prefer to control the audience a bit more rather than just blast it out there in an attempt to shock....

Original poster

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 09:56

To me, it's just another swear word. I think I made the conscious decision to "own" the word about fifteen years ago.

If dh had said that Aunty flo is a bit sensitive, can you please remember she is your fb friend etc. that would have been better, but to be shouted at that I'M an embarrassment is really not on.

OP posts:

prepperpig · 05/05/2015 10:01

To be shouted at is never on.

He clearly feels very strongly about it and is very upset.

If you "own the word" and take the view "I have one so I can say it" does that mean you don't use the worlds knob, prick, cock etc? Just curious. It seems to me that the world is not a better place by virtue of women saying "it's our word, we are going to use it and it becomes less powerful as a tool used against us".

I don't have a "cunt" BTW. I prefer to use nicer words to describe it.

Flingmoo · 05/05/2015 10:02

I've got sensitive American family on FB who have been known to message us British family members and request that we don't use strong swearwords as it offends their sensitive disposition to scroll down their news feed and see "that word"... but we don't want to unfriend eachother it's a lovely way of staying close to family who live hundreds of miles away. We have toned it down a bit to be considerate to them, but we were a bit when asked!

(When I say "we", it was actually my parents who were the sweary ones who had to tone it down - not me!)

AuntyMag10 · 05/05/2015 10:08

I would think someone using that word so freely as part of their vocabulary is an embarrassment.

Original poster

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:16

I don't want to get into a feminist debate about the word, that would be a TAAT from last week. I just wanted to know if I am being unreasonable to use it on my own fb page. I find it hard to put myself in dh's shoes, as I really don't see the world like that, or come from a family like that. My dm and df never ever swore, but did send me to a very rough comp, and I've never lost that side of me it seems!

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/05/2015 10:17

This sort of thing is what the acquaintances option is for. Set all the delicate/sensitive flowers up as acquaintances and then change your default posting setting to "friends except acquaintances.". Any naice, sanitised posts can be put out to "friends" which will include them should you bother to think of them.

And of course everyone has the option to moderate what appears in their timeline. I have a couple of people who just post every minutae of their life and it's boring so I dint see their posts at all but we're still friends.

Original poster

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:17

Wow.

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/05/2015 10:18

I think post what you like but sort out your settings. Your point will be undermined of everyone is just focusing on the fact you said cunt rather than what you're actually saying.

FujimotosElixir · 05/05/2015 10:19

the images i come across on my newsfeed are more offensive than anything anyone types, they are being U !

Original poster

shattered77 · 05/05/2015 10:19

Thanks Movingonup, that is the compromise. I have hidden all of these non-friends, so I actually forget they are there.

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/05/2015 10:22

You can (and should) use whatever words you wish on your FB wall. If people dont like it they can hide/unfriend.

If your DH uses the word Cunt then Id be tackling why on earth he is allowed to use it and you arent.

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