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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think neighbour over reacted? Child and cat related!

91 replies

Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 18:15

In brief we moved in here 6 months ago.
I have a son of 4 and a cat.
Next door have 2 housecats and grown up children who don't live there anymore.
So, our cat was a rescue cat, is very boisterous and fearless, often not coming home for a few days here an there etc.
we had a cat flap fitted for him however after a few weeks of living here strays were coming through our cat flap so we started locking the flap when we went to bed if the cat wasn't in.
He never cried at the door or anything so thought nothing of it until he neighbour knocked, very angry saying the cat had been sleeping in their living room and upsetting their cats etc so we apologised, unlocked our cat flap day and night and thought no more of it.
This evening my son is playing in the garden pretending to " mop " when he comes in saying he's been told off by the neighbour.
He wasn't making much sense so knocked at the neighbours and he said he had told him off as he was hitting the cat ( ours ) with the mop :(
I obviously said oh god thanks, I had no idea I just went to the loo and he replied " well it's no wonder the cat wants to come in our house all the time if he's being beaten over the head by your son "
Then he closed the door ;(
Now it feels very strained with the new neighbours, I'm annoyed as the cat is certainly not scared of our son or anything for that matter, he is walking around the house as I type and this only happened an hour ago! and my son is very sorry and just said he wanted him to get down so he didn't go in next doors house and the man would get angry with mummy again.
Am I right to be upset by this?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 04/05/2015 18:17

I think I'd be grateful if someone saw my DGC hitting an animal and told them off (if no-one else was around)

PeppermintCrayon · 04/05/2015 18:18

Why don't you get a SureFlap so only your cat can get in?

I get why you're upset but think neither side is more or less reasonable than the other.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/05/2015 18:19

Not really, no.

He saw your son hitting the cat and told him to stop.

I'm not really sure what you're upset about? Unless it was his comment about the cat sleeping in theirs. He was right to be pissed off about that too, to be frank!

ragged · 04/05/2015 18:20

I'd be impressed by a 4yo who truly never ever bopped a nearby cat when playing with a mop.
You shouldn't have locked your cat out.
Neighbour should have been nicer about it and not copped a resentment.
There are special cat flaps that only work for a cat with special trigger-thingy, might sort your situation.

LaLyra · 04/05/2015 18:20

Do your neighbours have a cat flap for their housecats? If not and your cat is sleeping in their livingroom because they are letting it in then tell them to stop letting it in - end of problem for their cats getting upset.

girliefriend · 04/05/2015 18:21

Not sure what to say really.

I think yabu to lock your cat out at night, would be more sensible to lock him in surely?

Also I would be more annoyed with my son for hitting the cat with a mop than the neighbour for pulling him up on it Confused

The neighbours do sounds a bit precious but I would probably just try and keep a low profile from them for a bit coward

TidyDancer · 04/05/2015 18:22

Your DS hit your cat with a mop and you're annoyed at your neighbour?!

VeryVeryDarkGrey · 04/05/2015 18:23

Yes you should be upset at the fact your son was hitting your cat. I wouldnt have been nicer if i had seen it

fackinell · 04/05/2015 18:25

No, I wouldn't be upset. I'm a 70s kid and often got bollocked from any adult in the vicinity if I was being a shit. I'd get bollocked again by my mum after she thanked whoever brought me home bytheear

FenellaFellorick · 04/05/2015 18:26

I think your neighbour was totally reasonable to try to stop your son hitting your cat with a mop.

fackinell · 04/05/2015 18:26

One day I will do a fecking strike out right!! Angry

shewept · 04/05/2015 18:26

Yabu. Your neighbours had to put up with your cat upsetting theirs in a night because you locked it out.

Your son was hitting the cat with a mop, he wasn't making sense because he knew he would get in trouble. That's what kids do.

Could the neighbour have been nicer? Yes, but I imagine they are a bit pissed off with you.

EnlightenedOwl · 04/05/2015 18:27

Same here we'd get bollocked by the neighbour who caught us misbehaving neighbour would then usually mention it to Mum and we'd get another bollocking for misbehaving and showing her up! Fair play really.

googoodolly · 04/05/2015 18:27

A few things:

1 - DS should not be hitting the cat FULL STOP and you should be coming down hard on that. It's nasty behaviour, even though he's only four.

2 - get a micro-chip cat-flap to prevent strays getting in, and suggest your neighbour does the same (although if neighbour has house-cats, how is your cat getting in? Window?)

3 - ideally you shouldn't lock your cat out overnight. He has a catflap and I think he should be able to come home whenever he wants. Either shut him in overnight or let him do as he pleases.

PeachyPants · 04/05/2015 18:27

Yes your neighbour was unreasonable, he shouldn't have let your cat in so it was his look out that it'd been sleeping in his house, certainly not anything to be angry about. If I saw a four year old hitting a cat I'd tell them to stop (but in a kind way, most 4 year olds can be too rough at times), but all that extra shit about this being the reason why your cat doesn't want to be at yours just makes him look a dick.

chairmeoh · 04/05/2015 18:28

I'm with the neighbour on this one. Sorry.

IndridCold · 04/05/2015 18:28

There have been cat flaps which restrict access around for years, if your neighbours don't want your cat coming into your home, they should invest in one. We have had several, but the best one works with the cat's microchip.

Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 18:30

No I'm not upset he told him off at all, just upset by the comment that the cat was sleeping in theirs as he was getting battered in here by my son when I can honestly say this is the first time I've seen him hit the cat!
I've seen him throw things near him before but never actually hit him and obviously he's got in trouble for that.
They have a cat flap that's what our cat was using, they didn't want to lock theirs as their cats go out to wee and poo and they didn't want to lock it which meant they did it inside.
I understand that but there were nights I was calling the cat for hours and he just doesn't come back sometimes.
Now if we catch him in the evening we lock him in and if we dont we have to leave our cat flap open which means we get the odd stray / brave cat coming in for food.
That's all fine though, it's the thought he now obviously thinks the cat was escaping from a life of hell :-( and now im worried he will think we aren't taking care of the cat property or supervising the 4 year old enough but had literally gone for a bloody wee.
Not upset at all he was told off although I wouldn't personally correct someone else's child for hitting their cat, I may mention it to the parent but wouldn't directly tell someone's child off.

OP posts:
parsnipbob · 04/05/2015 18:31

Er, please teach your DC not to hit your cat!!

One of my friends DCs used to mail their cat around constantly - pulling his ears, tail, hitting, kicking. Cat was very gentle and sweet but eventually flipped out and scratched him. Upshot? Friend goes mad, gets rid of cat and tries to get vet to put him down. Vet refused, unsurprisingly.

I'm not friends with her any more.

parsnipbob · 04/05/2015 18:31

Cross post with you OP.

Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 18:32

Have ordered one of those cat flaps by the way last week waiting on delivery

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 04/05/2015 18:33

Yabu as even hitting an animal once is bad enough. And yes he should be told off by whoever is around if he is doing something that's wrong.

SouthCoastSister · 04/05/2015 18:39

Teach your son to be gentle with the cat. Ignore rude arsey neighbour (fair enough they told you but seems to me they could have been nice about it). Don't given it any more thought. Cats are hardy, and I say that as a cat lover.

shewept · 04/05/2015 18:48

From neighbours pov. You lock the cat out, even though he wants to be indoors (as he goes and sleeps in theirs), the cat then goes in their house upsets their cats and then they see you child unsupervised hitting the cat.

pudcat · 04/05/2015 18:51

Poor cat. A rescue cat!!!! and you lock it out at night and get upset when someone stops your child from hitting it.