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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think neighbour over reacted? Child and cat related!

91 replies

Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 18:15

In brief we moved in here 6 months ago.
I have a son of 4 and a cat.
Next door have 2 housecats and grown up children who don't live there anymore.
So, our cat was a rescue cat, is very boisterous and fearless, often not coming home for a few days here an there etc.
we had a cat flap fitted for him however after a few weeks of living here strays were coming through our cat flap so we started locking the flap when we went to bed if the cat wasn't in.
He never cried at the door or anything so thought nothing of it until he neighbour knocked, very angry saying the cat had been sleeping in their living room and upsetting their cats etc so we apologised, unlocked our cat flap day and night and thought no more of it.
This evening my son is playing in the garden pretending to " mop " when he comes in saying he's been told off by the neighbour.
He wasn't making much sense so knocked at the neighbours and he said he had told him off as he was hitting the cat ( ours ) with the mop :(
I obviously said oh god thanks, I had no idea I just went to the loo and he replied " well it's no wonder the cat wants to come in our house all the time if he's being beaten over the head by your son "
Then he closed the door ;(
Now it feels very strained with the new neighbours, I'm annoyed as the cat is certainly not scared of our son or anything for that matter, he is walking around the house as I type and this only happened an hour ago! and my son is very sorry and just said he wanted him to get down so he didn't go in next doors house and the man would get angry with mummy again.
Am I right to be upset by this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 19:00

I'm not upset he was told off!!!!
And I didn't lock the cat out, he didn't want to come home!!

I was calling him for hours shaking food around etc and he was nowhere to be seen, he was a pretty ferrel cat long before son came along going off here and there and coming home when it suited him.
We locked the cat flap as we also have an elderly cat that we didn't want upset by strays!
Its the comment after the event that's upset me.

OP posts:

shewept · 04/05/2015 19:06

But look at it from his pov. How he has seen the situation.

You did lock the cat out. The reason is he didn't want to come in at that time, but you did lock the cat out. Because you didn't want other cats coming in and upsetting yours. But what happened? Your cat went in and upset their cats instead.

Ratherworriedmum · 04/05/2015 19:13

No harm in cats being out overnight! Mine are routinely and they wouldn't want it any other way. They can get into a shed if they need shelter. Also, I think it's up to your neighbour to secure his house against unwanted visiting felines. Though he's quite right to scold your son and let you know about it if he sees him hurting the cat, your neighbour sounds like he's being a bit of an unreasonable git in his manner.

WhyHaveYouDruggedTheirOnions · 04/05/2015 19:54

You are embarrassed that the neighbour thinks you weren't being a responsible cat owner. Tbh, it doesn't sound like you were really being as responsible as you should have been. I've never owned a cat and even I know about the micro-chip activated cat flaps which only let your cat in / out. It is embarrassing but not the neighbour's fault imho. I can understand how it must look from the neighbour's perspective.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 19:57

The neighbour doesn't know that this is the only time your child has behaved like that towards your cat.
I agree with others, get a microchip cat flap.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:04

I get where you're coming from op, the thing is people will pile in and bang on and on and on about every last bit in your op because it's abiu. although there is some good advice in there too.

You obviously know that you need to have a word with ds about hitting the cat. Do you think he meant to hit him, or did he get carried away mopping and the cat got in the way ? I have to remind my 4 year old dts to be gentle with the cat every now and then as they get a bit carried away and forget.

I don't really understand why your neighbour is so annoyed about your cat sleeping on their sofa, we have a neighbours cat that comes in all the time, it's not like it does it to piss us off or anything, it's just being a cat. It's just what happens if you have a cat flap.

Getting a microchip cat flap is a good idea,does anyone know if their any good. Our cat takes her collar off quite frequently which is what has stopped us getting a magnetic collar type one.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:05

oh no, I used the wrong they're

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:07

Oh I see, sorry just re read and notice he was getting the cat down with the mop.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 20:09

Getting a microchip cat flap is a good idea,does anyone know if their any good.
We have a Sureflap Pet Door. It read our cat's chip and has stopped the nasty tom that was chasing her from getting in. It also has a curfew timer on it so we can set the times it opens and closes. I completely recommend it.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:13

Brilliant thank you, she has a little friend who comes in and I often find them cuddled up on the sofa together, in a way it's a shame in a way to keep them apart. That said there is also an evil big scary Tom Cat who picks on her and eats her food, so it will be well worth it.

ragged · 04/05/2015 20:13

Actually I lock my cats out some nights, so I shouldn't come over high & mighty. We go out & try to round them up & give up if the moggies refuse. My worry about a cat flap (no practical unless we replace doors anyway) is the chances of live critters brought in by my cats.

My neighbours have dogs or aggressive cats, so no chance of illicit doss with them.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 20:17

no practical unless we replace doors anyway, our cat flap in in the wall.

razmataz · 04/05/2015 20:27

"This is the first time you've seen him do it" - but you didn't see did you? You were inside in the loo. Who's to say he hasn't hit the cat before when your back was turned?

Maybe that was the first time but the neighbour doesn't know that.

Although I do think the neighbour WIBU for getting angry about your cat sleeping at theirs - they should lock their catflap or get a microchip/magnetic one if they want to prevent that.

lostindubai · 04/05/2015 20:27

To everyone locking their cats out at night, please don't. Much safer for cats to be kept indoors at night, for their sake as well as the local wildlife's.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:28

I don't think my cat would speak to me for a week if I left her out at night she knows how to hold a grudge.

fackinell · 04/05/2015 20:33

I actually couldn't sleep if my lads were out all night although I know some people do this. I have been known to waken at 4am, not see any familiar furry lumps and be out in the dressing gown and slippers with a torch.

It's too dangerous for them; traffic, foxes, idiots. Mine sometimes lose their collars and don't have the necessary magnet to let them back in. Please don't shut them out!!

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 20:35

Are they chipped Fack? Get a microchip cat flap, they can't lose their chips.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:39

I can't sleep if my cat is out all night either fack, I was worried this morning because I woke up and she wasn't on the end of the bed purring. I got up at 6... Yes 6 on a bloody bank holiday to look for her. She was basking in the morning sun in the spare room

Lovelydiscusfish · 04/05/2015 20:40

Poor OP! Can see why this is stressful - we all want to get on well with our neighbours.
Was your son definitely hitting the cat with the mop? I ask because you say he's usually gentle with the cat. My three year old was bought up to be gentle with our pets, and is gentle with them without fault - if an adult reported that she was hitting our cat, even then I'd struggle to believe it (and how readily I believed it would depend on how much I trusted said adult - do you trust these adults?)
Regardless, the man was rude - while he may have been right to reprimand your son if he was indeed hitting the cat, he had no need to talk to you like that.

Lovelydiscusfish · 04/05/2015 20:40

Hurr1cane · 04/05/2015 20:41

Wow! Ok...

I think everyone's being a little harsh.

Those microchip cat flap things require a collar and I would never collar one of my cats as it isn't very safe to really.

Kids sometimes bop each other/ animals, that's how they learn not to, it doesn't make the OP a bad person, or an animal abuser, it is not indicative of her sons personality, it just happened. Kids are shits sometimes.

There isn't anything terrible about shutting a cat out overnight. Mine are all rescues and one was severely neglected in his old home and lived in the shed, he loves the outside at night. I go to bed at 11, shout him, if he ignores me he comes back in at 5am when I get up. He knows the routine, cats aren't thick, he doesn't howl at the door, he just goes hunting of a night sometimes because he's nocturnal and he likes to.

Your neighbour was right to tell your child off, which you know, he was right to have a word if your cat was being a pest... But all of that could have been done politely.

He sounds like an idiot.

meissen · 04/05/2015 20:45

YABU. How about you don't lock your cat out at night and you teach your child not to hit or throw things at her?

The neighbour's comment is quite laid back seeing they've just seen your kid hit a cat. I'd have said a lot worse.

There may be more than a grain of truth in it too. You said yourself that your kid's been known to throw things near the cat. Now he's hitting her. Whatever your methods of teaching/punishing your kid are, they're not working.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/05/2015 20:46

But he made the comment because your cat has been sleeping in his home. Disturbing his own pets in their home!

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 20:47

HagOtheNorth · 04/05/2015 20:52

Well, your neighbour has made you feel uncomfortable and so you are going to make things easier and safer for your cat. That sounds like a good result.
He thinks you are negligent, and the evidence suggests that you need to educate your son about how he treats your pet.
You didn't see your son hit the cat, why say that you did?

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