Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think neighbour over reacted? Child and cat related!

91 replies

Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 18:15

In brief we moved in here 6 months ago.
I have a son of 4 and a cat.
Next door have 2 housecats and grown up children who don't live there anymore.
So, our cat was a rescue cat, is very boisterous and fearless, often not coming home for a few days here an there etc.
we had a cat flap fitted for him however after a few weeks of living here strays were coming through our cat flap so we started locking the flap when we went to bed if the cat wasn't in.
He never cried at the door or anything so thought nothing of it until he neighbour knocked, very angry saying the cat had been sleeping in their living room and upsetting their cats etc so we apologised, unlocked our cat flap day and night and thought no more of it.
This evening my son is playing in the garden pretending to " mop " when he comes in saying he's been told off by the neighbour.
He wasn't making much sense so knocked at the neighbours and he said he had told him off as he was hitting the cat ( ours ) with the mop :(
I obviously said oh god thanks, I had no idea I just went to the loo and he replied " well it's no wonder the cat wants to come in our house all the time if he's being beaten over the head by your son "
Then he closed the door ;(
Now it feels very strained with the new neighbours, I'm annoyed as the cat is certainly not scared of our son or anything for that matter, he is walking around the house as I type and this only happened an hour ago! and my son is very sorry and just said he wanted him to get down so he didn't go in next doors house and the man would get angry with mummy again.
Am I right to be upset by this?

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 04/05/2015 20:54

Whao. I've always had cats and never owned a cat flap. Locking the cat out is not the end of the world

But I do think you have to make sure your son knows that he should not throw stones in the direction of the cat or hit it. I certainly tell off anyone I see mistreating animals.

WeirdCatLady · 04/05/2015 20:58

So your son has thrown things at your cat and has now been caught hitting the cat and your concern is whether it's okay for you to be upset by your neighbour pointing it out??

Sazzle41 · 04/05/2015 20:59

Your 4yr old shouldnt be hitting the cat even unintentionally. Have you had the chat about being kind to animals/those weaker & smaller? Its really not something all small children automatically 'get', especially if they aren't too mature for their chronological age. I 'knew' at 4, to be gentle with animals, smaller children etc: I was a quiet, thoughtful child. But my younger, rambunctious sister got too over enthusiastic and had to have 'the talk'.

Why not get the cat flap that only responds to magnetic thingy on his collar if he likes being in at night but you don't want other cats following him in?

fackinell · 04/05/2015 21:00

They are chipped, Pip, I may look into that. Bit skint the now but it's a good idea thanks.

fackinell · 04/05/2015 21:04

Haha, Awful, poor you. You get to know their routines, don't you? One Dcat is in and out on patrol all night and sleeps all day. I don't worry about him so much as that's his thing. Wee Dcat is in at midnight until sunrise. He's the worry. He's also still pretty small for 2 years old due to a very young mother (he's a rescue.) o fret about the baby one.

BertieBotts · 04/05/2015 21:07

To be fair, OP said her son was trying to get the cat to get down off the fence. Not that hitting it is a good way to do that, but he is four. It makes sense in four year old logic! I expect he was trying to scoop/push it, not hit. Obviously still right for the neighbour to tell him off, and good that you reinforced that message.

Don't worry what the neighbour thinks of your parenting or cat ownership skills.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 21:07

I think the op has already spoken to her ds about it. he made a mistake, he thought he was doing the right thing, but got it wrong, because he is 4. He is now sorry.
what fucking more do you want from the poor boyWink
The cat is fine and is not traumatised by the mopping incident, all is well, apart from the stroppy neighbour, Who I think over reacted.

AwfulBeryl · 04/05/2015 21:09

Damn you strike through

Aridane · 04/05/2015 21:15

Poor cat - hit by child and locked out at night. With the neighbours on this one...

MissDuke · 04/05/2015 21:17

I don't really understand why your neighbour is so annoyed about your cat sleeping on their sofa, we have a neighbours cat that comes in all the time, it's not like it does it to piss us off or anything, it's just being a cat. It's just what happens if you have a cat flap

Normally I would agree Beryl, but the thing is the op is so annoyed with other cats coming in that she locked her own cat out - which is why her cat ended up next door. So it seems understandable really that they would be annoyed! It does seem a bit cheeky.

Op, try and not get wound up. You know the truth which is all that matters. I suspect your 4 yr old was doing nothing wrong tbh and it probably looked worse to the neighbour than it really was? It is possible that the neighbour has witnessed your 4 yr old do things like this before, which would explain their words to you. Or maybe he is just a grumpy man. Who knows! Don't let it get to you!

wellysrule · 04/05/2015 21:17

Goodness! Ignore all the BS on here about your 4 year old being mean to your cat. He's 4. He didn't look at it as 'hitting' the cat, he was trying to stop it from going next door. Which actually was quite caring

Cat's are cats and they will go where they want - it is the responsibility of those who don't want them to secure their home against unwanted feline friends.

No harm in cats being out at night (perhaps depends where you live, but then you need to think about that before you get a cat), they are nocturnal and many need to be out.

I had a cat that sounds like yours, OP, would be away for days (in the countryside), thought he ruled the roost etc when he did come home. He decided to move next door away from a bustling household and into a calm two adult house. I tried to keep him, tried shutting him in at night, but he is a cat and made up his mind.

I'd carry on as you are if I were you and try and forget the neighbours mean words

Charis1 · 04/05/2015 21:18

YABU for locking your cat out, for having a 4 year old son who doesn't know better than throwing things "near" a cat or hitting it, and for blaming you neighbour.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 21:38

Those microchip cat flap things require a collar and I would never collar one of my cats as it isn't very safe to really.

No they don't, they require your cat to be chipped.

Charis1 · 04/05/2015 21:41

Why don't people collar their cats these days? In what way is it unsafe, if it is quick release? We have never had a problem, apart from losing a few. ( losing a few collars, not cats)

Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 21:42

Wow so all your 4 year olds sound perfect.
Mine is a kind and loving little boy who occasionally gets things wrong.
The cat has been the same for the last 6 years, we have never had a cat flap before this house ( as all rented so not allowed flaps ) and never had an issue before, if he wasn't back by bedtime, shed left open with food etc and we would see him again at some point the next day or day after.
No he has not seen my son do anything else I'm sure as usually we are always out in the garden with him, it was only by chance that I was going to the loo as my husbands phone rang in the kitchen and it happened in those 2 minutes.
I get what you all mean, he's annoyed.
Even though I bought him chocolates and for the last 2 week I have religiously caught the cat at some point in the day, listened to him crying by the door to go out and not letting him just in case he didn't come home that night and even though our flap is open went next door, I get that.
But I think there was no need for the comment about the cat not wanting to come home due to being " battered "
Especially as the cat has indeed been stuck in since his initial complaint, the fact I couldn't have been more sorry once he told me, the fact that when we moved in we even said feel free to knock if you can hear him getting up early ( was going through a phase of thinking morning was 4.30am ) and we can change bedrooms etc as last neighbours knocked and complained about hearing him wake up so early :(
Seems nothing is enough.
So now he will probably report me to the RSPCA for not looking after the cat or someone else for having a boisterous 4 year old son.
Who by the way said he was scared the cat would get into trouble for going next door hence why he was hitting him with the mop to get him back into our garden.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 04/05/2015 21:57

I highly doubt he will report you to anyone, stop worrying op! I reckon he is just a grumpy man who likes to complain.

Pipbin · 04/05/2015 22:03

In what way is it unsafe, if it is quick release?

We have a lot of trees in our garden and I'd rather not risk it. She is chipped so if she was taken in by a vet then they could scan her and contact me. Granted, a random neighbour couldn't though.

Charis1 · 04/05/2015 22:07

My cats have collars, but they haven't gone out over winter and their collars are not on. Now they are out and about a bit, I'm in two minds about putting the collars back on, and so many people seem to be against it now. But I think I will, both are black, and the collars are reflective, apart from having our phone number on them.

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 04/05/2015 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 04/05/2015 22:21

I strongly suspect your DS wasn't "hitting" the cat. Hit once and the cat would've buggered off, surely? Cats are good at that. Either the whole thing was over in the blink of an eye or else the cat can't have been very pissed off. Suspect your neighbour might be exaggerating this one.

Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 04/05/2015 23:09

Apparently he was hitting him again and again and the cat was hanging on to the fence in order not to fall which is when he said to my son don't do that you will hurt the cat to which I heard my son say that's my kitty Kat before coming in crying.
I've never witnessed him hurting the cat before as I said ha had thrown toys around near the cat just being a kid and has been corrected and when I asked him why he said he did it so the cat jumped into our garden not next doors and I said why and he said so the man doesn come and tell us off again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 05/05/2015 08:25

I'm the first to admit when my son is wrong as he was on this one, whatever his intentions he shouldn't have hit the cat although even this morning has said again, I wasn't hitting the cat I just wanted him to get down so the man didn't come and tell you off mummy.
I think he thinks the cat isn't allowed near their house so was doing his best to stop it.
Doesn't help the neighbour situation though as now will feel very awkward which is exactly what I've been trying to avoid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedmartie999 · 05/05/2015 11:39

I don't think there's a way to come back from this now :-(
When I knocked with the chocolates his wife was receptive and said it wasn't a big deal but he said nothing, so after this I think any kind of neighbourly relationship is now over which makes me very upset as we will be here a long time so this isn't what I wanted at all.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 05/05/2015 11:53

Oh don't worry! They sound moody and judgy. You would have upset them some other way by the sounds of it. If they were friendly people then they'd have got over it by now.

Don't overthink it! :)

Waltermittythesequel · 05/05/2015 13:45

Well then he's an arsehole. You tried!