Am I BU? Travel alone

[Goldenmilk]

The aftermath of a relationship ending and a bereavement led to some slightly zen-like thinking earlier this year and on something of a whim, I trilled 'travel!' as my cure-all solution to my life being rather aimless and (if I am to be entirely honest here) lonely.

As such, with flights booked - I am now finding myself in two minds about whether or not I want to go.

I'll try to explain. Since deciding on this as my goal in the short term I have been working flat out to fund it. Obviously, because we humans are contrary creatures and always want the opposite to what we have, I longed for quiet days filled with nothing but films, books, walks - my time was so busy that the thought of a 17 hour flight sounded great! I could picture myself doing the things I dreamed of.

It's as if reality has slapped me across the face. I now don't think I am being particularly zen-like or hippyish or whatever I thought I was being; I think I was being a massive twat Here are my 'worries'.

Long stretches of time alone tend to make me feel down and depressed. Before anybody comments on this as being a personality failure on my part, I can assure you it isn't: I am used to being alone - have always lived alone since being 17 (bar a few times at university with housemates) and generally get on with things. That's the problem: it isn't anything new or different. It is just going to be me, on the other side of the world, alone. Why have I spent thousands on this?

Then there's practical considerations. For instance, when I'm on the beach, I won't be able to swim as I'll have to leave my purse, phone, hotel key, whatever I needed to take out with me, on the sand. Where it may get swiped and leave me hotel-less, phone-less. I'll be surrounded by romantic couples and happy families. When I do the sightseeing bits I won't have anybody to talk about them with and marvel at and have conversations about. I'll look at them and then be - hmm.

A lot of the 'nice' stuff people do when away will be shut off to me. I will have to ask people to take photographs of me which I find deeply embarrassing - it seems very self obsessed and slightly narcissistic - failing that or endless selfies (worse?) I will have to rely on takeaway and the cuisine of local shops (I really don't feel comfortable eating alone, bizarrely - I'm fine with sitting with a coffee and a book alone but not having a 'meal" in a restaurant.)

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this can be done and be enjoyable - although I'd be grateful if people who DO travel alone don't see this as in any way a judgement on them; I'm just not entirely convinced it's going to be for me.

I live in Australia and I eat out at restaurants on my own all of the time. It's not for everybody, so I do understand your concerns - however, the Aussies are so laid back they won't care - I don't find I get extra attention and I've never had pity either. They just serve me and make sure I'm ok, there's no pity party going on!

Don't let your fear of eating in restaurants stop your trip - if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Rest assured though - there are so many international travellers here that restaurants are used to it.

Australia is a great place to visit - have you been here before?

The hostel mentioned down thread by Nanny is AMAZING. It's in the Rocks, which is the historic quarter of Sydney, and the place that the earliest settlers lived (OK, not old in UK terms, but still pretty interesting). It's above some architectural works and is both a wonderful location - amazing pubs, foodie markets, old buildings and it's full of like minded visitors. It's very close to the harbour too, I recommend it. Easy walk to the Opera Bar in the Opera House, which is also something you should do (and alone would be fine).

There are plenty of us here in Sydney too, you might find that you could arrange a meet up

I am really envious of your trip, I hope you have a great time, and don't be nervous - people will look at you as a single traveller - they might wonder if you are a CEO, here on international business, or just somebody who is very adventurous - either way, solo travellers are respected for their independence and for grabbing life and the opportunity to travel & see the world/expand their horizons, not pitied.

The very fact waiters make a fuss of you indicates it's something unusual. I don't want to do it. So I won't.

Waiters won't make a fuss of you if you eat somewhere casual with plenty of travellers/tourists.

You've eaten out on your own once and have now decided it's like, the worst thing in the world.

Obviously most people would rather eat with friends than on their own, but most people would probably rather eat on their own in a restaurant (view, people wstching, nice food)than have take away sitting by themselves in their hotel room watching TV for the 20th night in a row.

Just to echo everyone else, invest in a good waterproof bag- just google/amazon/ebay, they seem to be pretty common nowadays, but you can get more expensive ones- aquapac was the original type I think.

If you are in oz/nz I think you will be absolutely fine, we met two different 52 year olds travelling around africa on their own post divorce. It may be worth signing up for some group trips, or spending the odd night in a hostel, so you can meet people to spend some time with.

Go, have a blast, don't question it!

Outback tour sounds fab and you would eat with the group- also if you are sporty I bet there are plenty of adventure tours like rock climbing, water sports which take mixed groups - I definitely think finding group activities will result in eating with people in the group and possibly evening meals.

Sometime when you go to operas / theatrethey do dinner and opera / theatre evenings with a meal - you would be sat with other people then.

Get googling nd find out what is on - you will get some excitement back. Make sure you pencil in some you time though!

Good to know how to go swimming on your own - I didn't know how to do that :)

I hope you can read my long post back up the thread without just hearing 'she loves eating alone blah blah', as that's not what I was trying to say. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, but don't NOT do something just because in another time and place you didn't like it. If it starts to limit your holiday, then maybe give it a go, if not, don't! I understood that you didn't eat any meal alone, rather than being ok in cafes in the day, so was trying to give you a way to pluck up courage so you didn't starve!

A cottage sounds lovely :) I think you'll be fine, just that utter dread before you go be amazing

Could you try to go all or mostly self-catering, so you can make dinners at 'home'? Treat yourself to breakfast/lunch out and then retire to your pad at night.

I think you'll have a wonderful time and I'm quite envious. Bon voyage!

I lived and travelled alone from age 30 to 38 (when I met my now DH). Loved every minute of my trips.

I travelled for four months in my twenties as I had been left a bit of money by my Grandpa and he wanted me to use it for something I really wanted.
I went to Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the US (not massively adventurous - but I didn't want to struggle with a language I didn't know). I went partly to try and 'change' myself because I am perfectly happy with my own company, but never really seek out others and find it very hard to make friends.
I experienced all the things you are worried about, but they did not in any way detract from the experience of doing a bunch of stuff I simply would never have been able to do without the travel.
I did manage to change myself a little - I now feel more comfortable talking to people I don't know and I am less shy.
I don't regret it all and think you should go for it.

Op I've done a solo trip before and I can tell you the best thing about a foreign place is that nobody knows you so you can get away with pretty much looking like anything!
Take a selfie, have a meal out on your own, touring doing whatever you want and you don't see these people again enjoy!

Have travelled alone in both places. I too have a horror of being fawned over by waiters and am at my best when I feel basically invisible. I guaantee that you wil find loads and loads of cafes where you could comfortably eat a decent meal alone without anyone batting an eyelid, even in the evening (though probably earlier is better). And cafe food is much better in the Antipodes than in the UK!

You'll also find lots of good food trucks where it's takeway and eat your food at a communal table or in the park etc

Loads of people have said already about signing up for tours and I wholeheartedly endorse it- as well as obviously allowing you to do fun stuff it's a great way to get some company without forcing it. However just to put your mind at rest, perhaps what you don't realise is that it's almost impossible to go to any tourist spot in Oz/NZ and NOT end up on a tour/group activity day of some sort - they are all totally geared up to it and lots of activities involve transport to remote places so can't be done outwith an organised group, so everyone is doing them, not just people who don't have the option of making their own way.

Nobody will bat an eyelid about your background and why you may be travelling alone - it is very very common. Though if you're really worried about it you could always have a story such as "My good friend from University now lives in Sydney/Auckland/Christchurch and I came to visit her, she hasn't got enough time off work to travel all round the country but I wanted to see a bit more of it since I've come all this way" (that is in fact the true story of why I was travelling alone...).

My top recommendation is to do a "Black Water Tour" of the glow-worm caves in Otorahanga in the North Island of New Zealand. Friends have also waxed lyrical about boat trips in the Whitsunday islands in Australia.

Oh and if you actually fancy a bit of solitude, it's quite relaxing to hire a car for a bit and drive around with just the radio for company - dead easy as they drive on the left, gives you total freedom and you can have lovely picnics in the middle of nowhere, so don't forget your driving licence.

Fully understand your reticence but you will have a great time.

op you're not alone, I can't think of anything worse than eating alone in the evening at a restaurant. If it was I would fill up and snack during the day so wouldn't need much in the evening.
I think you'll have a great time.

I've gone solo before as well, best break I ever had.

Everyone else has given excellent advice, so I will wish you well on your travels.

Part of the reason I fancy going alone is that I am disabled and always feel like I am holding people back, plus my family don't really understand that resting often isn't me being lazy, it's me managing my pain and fatigue so I can enjoy myself, rather than simply participate. I've been staying over with my mum this week, andthe number of times she's commented on not being able to finish meals due to nausea, napping because of both fatigue and nausea, me not being up for long walks as I am still recovering from a kidney infection.

The idea of all the silence and doing whatever I please is very interesting.

I don't think it's accurate, fair or true to say that I have decided it (eating out alone) is the worst thing ever, just that I didn't get any pleasure from it.

I appreciate what people are saying and thank you :) Just very nervous ...

Promise I won't mention the E word again after this :) I wonder if we're seeing eating out as your Everest, whereas for you its your haunted house or horror film axe murderer? As in, one invites conquering & celebration, and the other invites running sensibly in the other direction!

My feeling is, put strategies in place to make sure it doesn't lessen ypur fun, and if you feel like seizing the moment, you will. Other than that try not to fret too much about it, as it will build it up to be a really big problem then!

What about the other stuff - has the wallet suggestions helped? Are there other things you're worried about that people might be able to help with?

How about the idea of joining a few organised activities? Do you think that might give you opportunities to socialise?

Gosh I'd love to do what you're doing! Once in a lifetime stuff and you're super brave and cool to step out of the everyday grind and into an amazing adventure :)

Oh sorry now I read your post again it looks like I'm totally ignoring you about it not being the worse thing ever- sorry!!!

I just had that analogy thing in my head and wanted to share it to see if it struck a chord at all. Didn't mean to look like was ploughing on regardless, oops!

I've never travelled alone so no advice just I hope you go and enjoy it, the freedom sounds fantastic

Perhaps keep some emergency money for a flight home if you need it

Hi, OP - Decathlon have water proof pouch things.

Second the idea of some organised tours etc to break you in gently.

And, yes, agree with eating out in cafes etc - a full on solo dining experience certainly wouldn't be for me.

What we found travelling is that you have to be seen to be alone to pick up fellow travelers. However, the best place for that isn't a restaurant. The best place is in the common area of hostels. Sit down, start writing postcards or reading a travel book and voila, ten seconds later, fellow travelers.

Sea to Summit best travel brand ever. Get their packing cubes and their wash bag and everything else they make.

I traveled around the world when I was turning 30 and recently went to China and backpacked with my 70 year old mother, although I think 70 as pushing it!

If you want to meet the same people, there is normally a 'way round' people travel. We bumped into the same people up Thailand, down Laos and around NZ. We even stayed with someone we met in Asia who had returned home to Oz.

Happy trails, you will love it. Also, when there are fuck ups, remember; when you get home those will be the best stories.

OP, you will have an amazing time! I live in Aus too (Perth) and agree with what others have said - there is a more laid back attitude than you find in the UK and stuff like eating alone really wouldn't be looked upon as strange in these parts! My 27yo brother is currently travelling around the country by train on his own and is having a great time.

You will meet so many people and go home with so many fantastic stories!

Feel free to PM me if you need any Western Australia tips! :)

I have travelled alone too. 1 week to Toronto, loved it, could completely please myself, wandered around the city, went to Niagara Falls, theatre, cinema. I have also cycled for a week in Northumberland staying in youth hostels and b n bs and loved that too!

When I've holidayed alone I get up at 5.00 or earlier and go to bed very early - hence avoiding what to do in the evenings.
The early morning light is beautiful.

Plenty of women have to travel regularly on their own for work purposes, so women eating alone is hardly a novelty. I do it regularly.

Do you really need your phone on the beach?

Well - yes - or iPad. It's my book/film/music/box set and I don't like sitting with nothing.

Someone summarised it well up there about horror movie/Everest; I've no desire to sit in a restaurant on my own. Id feel self conscious and sad.