Am I BU? Travel alone

[Goldenmilk]

The aftermath of a relationship ending and a bereavement led to some slightly zen-like thinking earlier this year and on something of a whim, I trilled 'travel!' as my cure-all solution to my life being rather aimless and (if I am to be entirely honest here) lonely.

As such, with flights booked - I am now finding myself in two minds about whether or not I want to go.

I'll try to explain. Since deciding on this as my goal in the short term I have been working flat out to fund it. Obviously, because we humans are contrary creatures and always want the opposite to what we have, I longed for quiet days filled with nothing but films, books, walks - my time was so busy that the thought of a 17 hour flight sounded great! I could picture myself doing the things I dreamed of.

It's as if reality has slapped me across the face. I now don't think I am being particularly zen-like or hippyish or whatever I thought I was being; I think I was being a massive twat Here are my 'worries'.

Long stretches of time alone tend to make me feel down and depressed. Before anybody comments on this as being a personality failure on my part, I can assure you it isn't: I am used to being alone - have always lived alone since being 17 (bar a few times at university with housemates) and generally get on with things. That's the problem: it isn't anything new or different. It is just going to be me, on the other side of the world, alone. Why have I spent thousands on this?

Then there's practical considerations. For instance, when I'm on the beach, I won't be able to swim as I'll have to leave my purse, phone, hotel key, whatever I needed to take out with me, on the sand. Where it may get swiped and leave me hotel-less, phone-less. I'll be surrounded by romantic couples and happy families. When I do the sightseeing bits I won't have anybody to talk about them with and marvel at and have conversations about. I'll look at them and then be - hmm.

A lot of the 'nice' stuff people do when away will be shut off to me. I will have to ask people to take photographs of me which I find deeply embarrassing - it seems very self obsessed and slightly narcissistic - failing that or endless selfies (worse?) I will have to rely on takeaway and the cuisine of local shops (I really don't feel comfortable eating alone, bizarrely - I'm fine with sitting with a coffee and a book alone but not having a 'meal" in a restaurant.)

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this can be done and be enjoyable - although I'd be grateful if people who DO travel alone don't see this as in any way a judgement on them; I'm just not entirely convinced it's going to be for me.

The thing about travelling is that you will, or should, be open to doing things you wouldn't do at home, and they almost always turn out totally fine and you wonder what you were worried about and go home feeling generally much braver. I actually don't think you would be made a fuss of in Oz/NZ, any more than you would be at home - it's more countries where people aren't used to seeing women dining out by themselves that a fuss would be made.

Never mind, there's always McDonalds :)

why? Why should travel have to fulfil a criteria? Why can't it be what you want it to be? :)

I think reading your post OP that it sounds like something I'd like to try myself. I'll be thirty three in September myself and enjoy being in my own company. I think you should definitely give it a go, I don't know how to go about arranging it myself as I've never really been on holiday, the couple of times I have been it was family stuff arranged by others.

If you'd like to come with me, do drop me a PM

People do eat alone in cafes though as opposed to restaurants. I have travelled in Australia and NZ alone. It was fab. People there are generally very friendly.

You don't need to take a phone to the beach, nor your hotel key - leave it at reception. Sign up to do some tours. Take some good books.

If I went travelling again I would definitely go alone next time. So much easier as you don't have to consider others and you can be really selfish.

I think you should go - the sense of accomplishment with boost your confidence no end.

Can you get those stick-things with a pad on the end so you can get suncream across your back by yourself? Unless you want to approach random strangers, of course!

www.amazon.co.uk/Overboard-Prosport-Pack-Waterproof-Tech/dp/B001NPJGN8

Another link for waterproof stuff.

And more encouragement for eating alone. Some cities I would walk for ages trying to find somewhere that I felt comfortable walking into by myself and do you know what? If I didn't find one I bought a takeaway sandwich and either ate it back at my hostel/hotel room and so be it. It's all about what feels right for you. Sorry for so many posts, I just relate to how you're feeling so much and am so keen for you to have a good time!

I had a ball going on an Intrepid trip by myself in Thailand (post 11-year relationship breakup). It was one of the best things I've ever done

fan - I did my first solo travel trip to new Zealand when I was thirty, like you I'd only ever done package holidays.
I booked my flight and my first few nights accommodation in Christchurch, bought a guidebook and went!
When I arrived I booked a coach pass and booked accommodation a few days in advance depending on where i fancied going. I spent two months there on that trip and had a ball.
It seriously gave me the travel bug though, I've been all over in the last ten years.

I am the most self conscious person, I can't stand being made a fuss of. I quite like eating alone though. I'm selective about where I go, I wouldn't go to the kind of restaurant where people make a fuss of anyone.

Hotel restaurants are good as they are used to catering for people travelling alone for business for example so being a lone diner isn't a novelty to the waiting staff.

Otherwise I go to pub/bar places that serve food, places where you go to the till to order don't tend to make a fuss of you when they bring your food out. They also often have free wifi!

In oz it is warm/hot and sunny so go to places you can sit outside to eat. Take a book or postcards and letters to write home (or even an iPad or laptop and headphones and watch a film!), enjoy the sun, the scenery, people watching and a glass of wine or a coffee and if you happen to get peckish whilst you're doing so then order yourself a sandwich or something, so the eating of the meal is just an incidental part of sitting in the sun enjoying your book or writing letters home, rather than the daunting and depressing 'I'm going out by myself to eat in a restaurant by myself surrounded by other people but i will be all by myself' feeling of specifically going out for dinner.

You will have a bloody fantastic time, I'm incredibly jealous! Yes, there will be times when you feel lonely and a bit 'can't be arsed' and wonder if you should have stayed at home but those times will be far outweighed by the times you are so glad you're there and doing exactly what you want to do rather than playing by anyone else's rules. go, have a lovely time and use the free wifi in pubs and cafes to update us on how much you're enjoying yourself whilst you're eating your lunch!!

I generally don't find waiting staff treat me any differently once I'm seated and I've ordered. I sometimes take a book but not always. I can't honestly say I feel self conscious and no way am I eating a take away sandwich in my room if there are restaurants and cafes to experience.

Well said sally
I had a great Christmas meal in a pub in Amsterdam last year.

I think it's just one thing we are all different on, but I just wanted to explain that this is something g I won't be doing in order to 'broaden my horizons' - I think my horizons are broad enough without feeling (personally) embarrassed and silly.

sand - no, do carry on posting! I need to hear it.

I'm just very conscious people will think I have no friends to go with or partner and while that is technically true I do feel a bit sad that it may be the assumption people jump to.

If you won't eat in public alone does that include breakfast?

I travelled loads on my own when I was younger. I think the only time I felt lonely was when I booked a last minute package to Lesbos- packages are really set up for couples and families, so most people kept themselves to themselves- there was less chance to mingle.

I'd second (third? fifteenth?) "posh" hostels with single rooms. Also perhaps Air b'n'b, where you get to stay in peoples' homes? Finding courses/ guided walks in things you're interested in is a good idea- or are you the type who would enjoy a week's WWOOFing on an organic farm? Accommodation, meals and company in exchange for work .

By the way, if you really really don't want to eat in restaurants on your own, at least you'll save loads of money.

I am okay in cafes sooty - I often veg out in Starbucks here with my phone/iPad and read a book or come on here but I don't know, eating out in the evening feels formal and I'd get self conscious, I know it is daft!

I have a friend who will eat out alone but can't believe I'll go ice skating alone but to me the latter is easy alone!

Just a random thought (something I'd do in your position, but don't know if it, er, floats your boat)- a few days' sailing course in NZ? Take off in a boat for a few days with a load of strangers, working together- there's nothing better for bonding! (I have done this- on the glamorous Solent, in December though . It was still fun).

Well, I'll be in NZ in December although of course it will be June then :)

Sounds good! I'm also excited about cycling, horse riding - lots of stuff. But I'm wobbly about some stuff too

Check this out. It will inspire you.

solotravelerblog.com/

I,ve done lots of solo travel. Always meet people. Always have a great time.

I don't go to very formal or up market restaurants so the evening doesn't feel very significant to me.
My present hotel had a package to I close the evening meal. I'm glad I did because the standard of good is brilliant the hotel is a long way from town or indeed from any shops and I was by no means the only person eating alone on the first two nights.

Standard of food, sorry.

I remember thinking that people would think I had no mates to travel with too... until I travelled by myself. Then you become part of a community that looks at people travelling in groups and wonders if they are not strong enough to travel alone. I do both, and enjoy both. But ohhh once you've been through an airport on your own, at your own pace... it can be hard to go back.

I totally hear you about evening meals - I was usually back at "home" by nightfall... sometimes would have a nightcap if there was somewhere relaxed next door (or at) the place I was staying. Massive bonus of this is that all the extra rest from early nights leads to amazing skin!

If you're feeling a bit crappy I find it helps to look at a queue for an attraction - there is always at least one person who has been dragged along looking miserable. I'm not usually one for shadenfreude (spelling?), and don't necessarily take joy in their misery BUT it reminds me that I could be that person accommodating someone else or even worse be accompanied by that miserable face. It reminds me to appreciate that my day is entirely my choice, and that it is a gift that I chose to give myself.

On one group tour I was the only lone traveler. I quietly felt quite choked up when I realized everyone was on board and were in groups or couples.

As the day went on, it turned out most people were pretty glad of a new face - they were getting a bit of cabin fever with each other as their holidays went on so it seemed. The tour guide was also glad to have someone to chat to as they are obviously on their own for a small group.

I got used to eating in restaurants alone through work when staying in hotels for weeks or months at a time, so no choice but to just get on with it as room service gets dull very quickly.

Even now with DH & DD I sometimes have to eat alone on holiday - for example if DD is over-tired or ill. I just go early, as soon as it opens. No fuss and it is actually very pleasant to just go by myself and enjoy the meal without having to make sure DD is happy / eating well / not spilling it down herself.

If you go to these places early you will find many people eating by themselves.

Have you looked at an itinerary? Where are you going? In nz you could book on wine tasting courses and will meet people in your group, there might be workshops you can book on If you google you can find out what's on and make some plans then it might feel less like a long time alone somewhere else and some things might lead to meeting people.

Eg www.sydney.com/events-classes-lessons-and-workshops

www.weekendnotes.com/sydney/

concreteplayground.com/auckland/arts-entertainment/music/the-ten-best-new-zealand-summer-music-festivals/

www.eventfinda.com.au/music-festivals/events/australia