Am I BU? Travel alone

[Goldenmilk]

The aftermath of a relationship ending and a bereavement led to some slightly zen-like thinking earlier this year and on something of a whim, I trilled 'travel!' as my cure-all solution to my life being rather aimless and (if I am to be entirely honest here) lonely.

As such, with flights booked - I am now finding myself in two minds about whether or not I want to go.

I'll try to explain. Since deciding on this as my goal in the short term I have been working flat out to fund it. Obviously, because we humans are contrary creatures and always want the opposite to what we have, I longed for quiet days filled with nothing but films, books, walks - my time was so busy that the thought of a 17 hour flight sounded great! I could picture myself doing the things I dreamed of.

It's as if reality has slapped me across the face. I now don't think I am being particularly zen-like or hippyish or whatever I thought I was being; I think I was being a massive twat Here are my 'worries'.

Long stretches of time alone tend to make me feel down and depressed. Before anybody comments on this as being a personality failure on my part, I can assure you it isn't: I am used to being alone - have always lived alone since being 17 (bar a few times at university with housemates) and generally get on with things. That's the problem: it isn't anything new or different. It is just going to be me, on the other side of the world, alone. Why have I spent thousands on this?

Then there's practical considerations. For instance, when I'm on the beach, I won't be able to swim as I'll have to leave my purse, phone, hotel key, whatever I needed to take out with me, on the sand. Where it may get swiped and leave me hotel-less, phone-less. I'll be surrounded by romantic couples and happy families. When I do the sightseeing bits I won't have anybody to talk about them with and marvel at and have conversations about. I'll look at them and then be - hmm.

A lot of the 'nice' stuff people do when away will be shut off to me. I will have to ask people to take photographs of me which I find deeply embarrassing - it seems very self obsessed and slightly narcissistic - failing that or endless selfies (worse?) I will have to rely on takeaway and the cuisine of local shops (I really don't feel comfortable eating alone, bizarrely - I'm fine with sitting with a coffee and a book alone but not having a 'meal" in a restaurant.)

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this can be done and be enjoyable - although I'd be grateful if people who DO travel alone don't see this as in any way a judgement on them; I'm just not entirely convinced it's going to be for me.

I agree PamDoove, I travelled alone for 6 months when I was in my 20s and the only problem was that I found it hard to get time alone! I was terrified for the first couple of days but then I absolutely loved it!

1. Buy one of these www.amazon.co.uk/Topsum-Waterproof-Swimming-Cycling-Cameras/dp/B00JUP02NG/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1430729500&sr=8-8&keywords=Waterproof+swimming+bag

2. Buy one of these www.amazon.co.uk/Extendable-Bluetooth-Adjustable-compatible-Smartphones/dp/B00UEQQ5YA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1430729587&sr=8-1&keywords=selfie+stick

3. Go out to eat on your own, once you do it the first time you'll realise it's not a problem at all. Take a book, nothing to it.

4. Have an amazing time. You'll be proud of yourself.

Ah, thank you :)

On a practical note, I don't suppose I could beg anyone to point me to where I can find something akin to the waterproof case you mention, for phone and other bits?

To other matters: I am not backpacking - I don't see myself as a backpacker and at the age of 33 - or I will be when I go, anyway - can't see myself staying in a hostel. However, I am travelling around a fair bit.

I really don't wish to eat alone - the 'making more of a fuss of you because you are a lone diner' turns my bowels into ice. Unfortunately, this was my experience once before: it is a strange story but I ended up in a touristy spot of Wales for one night only in summer and I really couldn't face chips so on a whim I went into a restaurant, armed with a book. It was hideously embarrassing for precisely this reason! I have not repeated the experience!

I am going to Oz - and Nz - so hopefully it won't be too remarkable.

I'm just worried I'll feel even more lonely.

Ah lavender - in there before me! Thank you!

You can do it :)

I have done a lot of alone travel, mostly for work but I'm not at all the kind of person you'd think would be comfortable doing it, and I managed fine and surprised even myself!

The trick is to organise things that will break up the alone time, so you know you'll have somethkng structured to do with other people, particularly at the beginning when you're feeling daunted.

Can you book yourself on some tours (small group specialist ones), or do bits of fun volunteering/ working to get a different experience and be in a situation where you all muck in together?

I think just a couple of that sort of thing will help you find your feet and as soon as you've had a few positive moments you'll realise you are rather marvelous and independent and lovely to spend time with just you with you :)

But baby steps in the first few days, male yourself little goals to do and reward yourself after having done them.

And as for eating alone. Try lunches first, practice before you go - though it's actually easier when you're away from your home environment, so look on the practice as the tough stuff! So, start with a casual lunch, with a book, kindle, or phone tokeeping you busy. I even armed myself with a laptop so I could be busy and therefore not worry about other people and focus on my own tasks.

Dinners are the hardest ones to master, but once you've done it a few times you realise no one really notices you and what you're up to, so you can start feeling a bit less self conscious. Hotel restaurants are the best place to try out eating alone, even if you're not staying there, they're places that loads of people end up in on their own, and you can just fade into the background.

Other places to try, more informal places, even street vans with shared outside seating, very easy to blend in and be by yourself in that situation.

Places with a view or lots of other stuff going on are good to eat in, where eating is not the focus.

Keep things little steps, just one thing at a time, and praise yourself when you manage it, really celebrate you and how amazing you are.

It will be fine as long as you are friendly/able to make the first move, and are open to new experiences. You may have a few bad/lonely days but this is not the end of the world. You should make some kind of vague plan/itinerary - pick a few things you want to see/do in the region you're visiting so your trip has some anchor points. It may help to look at the itineraries the tour complanies offer and plan to do something similar on your own.

Where are you going?

Have used Explore and you will find they are a very mixed bag and usually very friendly bunch, if you decide after this holiday that you'd prefer some company
But I'm sure youll be fine . We (as a couple)often chat to strangers on holiday -not necessarily people on their own, but sometimes. Not because we don't enjoy talking to each other !. We are just nosy .
Why are people obsessed with having themselves in photos of famous landmarks/places ? DH won't even take his (very expensive)camera on holiday as he says you end up never really looking at anything . We try and get one pic of the two of us together (which relies on someone else taking it on my cheapie camera) somewhere that 'symbolises' wherever we happen to be, then forget about it. I do take photos but try not to overdo it .

The problem is, I think if I was to eat alone I wouldn't enjoy it. This is the problem I find, I could do it, but there's little sense in it if it's just going to make me feel strange. I know some people do it without issue but for some reason sitting in a restaurant alone makes me feel sad and fed up in a way that other things done alone don't.

For one part of the trip I'm entirely based in a self catering cottage which will be LOVELY. I'm not a big eater really - I like food - but I'm sure I'll survive having nibbled at bits of stuff. It's just that when looking online and trying to get excited so many things are about restaurants and bars which don't apply to me. I suppose it's just trying to find the things that do.

My pleasure, another great thing about eating on your own is that you do get a bit more attention from the waiters. In my experience that has translated into excellent customer service and free cocktails!

Yes exactly - that's why I WON'T be doing it!

Extra attention isn't good sometimes!

Oh Golden, I could almost have wrote your post about 18 months ago. Recently bereaved and in desperate need of a holiday I booked a solo trip. Everything was fine until a couple of days before I went and I got a serious case of nerves which got worse and worse until I actually landed at my destination and had the best holiday ever! Since then I've been away, solo, 4 times and going again in a few months. It's the best thing ever! I now don't want anyone to come with me!

And please, please go out and eat on your own. It sounds you had one bad experience. I eat alone all the time, home and abroad, never had anyone bat an eyelid.

Oz and NZ sounds amazing, it's on my list of must dos!

You'll probably get some water proof things on Amazon.

Just read rest of post . OP in Oz and NZ you will find 'the natives' are very friendly ,especially in smaller places . Their populations are so small they love to see a new face .

To other matters: I am not backpacking - I don't see myself as a backpacker grin and at the age of 33 - or I will be when I go, anyway - can't see myself staying in a hostel. However, I am travelling around a fair bit.

I'm 47 and don't travel on my own any more - nowadays I'm always with DP and DD, but still use hostels quite often. Do give them a go. Hostels vary in price/comfort/ambience as much as hotels. To be honest, apart from the fact that there are dorms (as well as singles/doubles/family rooms) and a kitchen some of them aren't very different from good budget hotels.

They are used to having a mixture of single travellers, families and groups of friends staying in them so you wouldn't feel that you stood out, and they are often good places to meet people if you feel like company.

btw most of them have rooms with ensuite available. When I was young I was happy to book rooms with a shared bathroom, but those days are long gone.

Try the specialist travel companies like Nomad for a waterproof case . I have one but its so ancient I cant remember where it came from

With regards to hostels; in Australia and new Zealand you will find people of all ages staying in hostels, from pensioners to young families. Seriously, don't discount them till you've tried them.
My worst times when travelling have been when I've stayed in hotels, you go back to your room and you sit on your bed and you watch tv and it's incredibly lonely.

In a hostel (and you can get them with single rooms and ensuites), you get back to the hostel, you can cook a meal in the kitchen, sit and chat with other travellers whilst eating, then you can watch films, play board games/ cards etc in the lounge in the evening. One of my favourites is this one in sydney. Worth staying here just for the view from the roof terrace!

X-posted - Oz and NZ are such easy places to travel your biggest problem is likely to be being surrounded by 18 year olds! Don't worry. Do stay in hostels (I did it at 33), just avoid "party hostels" (you can spot these from their websites and reviews on the booking sites like hostelworld.com). Many hostels offer private rooms so you can book one of those if you can't face sleeping in a dorm.

This'll be the 3rd time I've mentioned Meetup.com on MN - but honestly, I don't work for them, I just find them a godsend! Go to the site and plug in the nearest city to where you'll be (I've checked Sydney and Christchurch) and add your interests - there are local groups for eating out, photography, walking etc. I've been along to several different groups when I visit my home town (in the UK) and made some new friends :) You'd get to meet people local to where you are, perhaps get recommendations for things to do that you otherwise wouldn't hear about, have some company when you want it, but with no 'dating' overtones, and be able to chat about your experiences :) A good way of getting some friendly contact when travelling!

NZ, I had a fantastic time there. Everyone was prepared to chat without being over the top. There's a lot of things to see / do. Also - the money is waterproof :-)

I can really recommend this company for a ten day tour in the outback. You really get off the beaten track, sleeping under the stars and cooking on a camp fire and it was a great bunch of people on the trip when I did it.
Ok, it might not be your style of travelling if you're used to hotels, but it's worth trying once in your life!

Thanks :) some great suggestions.

I'm 38 and went to Oz by myself last year. You will be fine. I did as another poster said and had a big meal in the day - lots of people eating alone then. The great thing I found was there are lots of outdoor restaurants facing a great view with lots of lone diners - no extra attention - I'm with you on that one! In Sydney I stayed in a YHA in The Rocks. Amazing views and huge variety of travelers... the best part was the place next door called The Australian had lots of outside tables (all long tables) and everyone just filled them up. Most of us were lone travelers sat with books. I would get there late afternoon/early evening as I could get a spot at the end of the table rather than be in the middle of people. Felt hugely self conscious and a bit shakey the first day, but made it my "local" and was very comfy by the end of my time there. I felt a little wistful at the Opera House as Opera Bar was full of groups of people out all together etc, but had a lovely glass of wine and then went on my way. Whilst I felt a little odd at the time, I appreciate the view and experience more in hindsight if that makes sense. This is true for a lot of things.

I did a few day tours, and the BridgeClimb which was fun as we sometimes all went out for a quick drink after the tour. I was always glad to get back to my own space at the end of the day though I must admit. I picked small tours as it felt less lonely than the bigger coach trips, the whole group becomes one on a minivan tour.

In Cairns - more of a party town - I went self catering and loved sitting on my balcony with a glass of wine and my home-cooked dinner watching the world go by.

A gorgeous company for Sydney and Perth is two feet and a heartbeat. Nearly all lone travelers and the kind of things you'd do with mates. www.twofeet.com.au/tours-booking/sydney/all

I took a small laptop with movies and TV programmes loaded up for evenings in.

I also learned to scuba dive. A great addition to holidays and a lovely community full of solo travelers.

I won't say I felt comfortable the whole time, and never got wistful for company. But I learned that the world didn't fall in when I was by myself, and the joy of being able to be in a bad mood without having to justify it to anyone was very liberating.

My hostel in Sydney was the same as NannyR recommended! Highly recommended! I had to do a night in a 4 bed female dorm (ensuite) and then moved to a private room. At 38 I was the youngest in my dorm! Was a bit sad to move to my own room! (Only a bit though)

Aw you'll have a great time.

Travel light, really light. Think like a 35l rucksack light. Much easier to go to the toilet sith your bag and not have to worry about it when you're moving around.

Selfie stick for those photos ;-)

Waterproof pouch for keys and snack money, everything else in the safe back at the hotel/hostel.

Do consider staying in nicer hostels with single en suite rooms. You'll be 'alone' a lot less than going back to a hotel. Hostels have kitchens, common rooms and often bars and cafes/restaurants so it's mich easier to be around other people in the same boat.

Finally, in the nicest possible way - get over yourself about the eating alone thing. No one is looking at you and laughing (unless you have 2 heads?). Go and eat out in a touristy place and no one will give you a second glance. It's not unusual to eat out alone. Try somewhere more casual which has high seats at the bar or window or something first so you don't feel you're sitting alone at s table for 2.

Oh, and maybe you could keep a diary/blog/long emails home which would keep you focused on the sightseeing and give you a reason to think about it rather than just say 'hmmmm tick'.

I understand it's meant kindly, but when you've said several times that you don't enjoy something, feel self conscious and the bright 'it's great - the waiters make a fuss of you!' is actually your worst nightmare - getting over yourself isn't really helpful.

I knew no one on here would concede to saying 'actually I'd never eat alone in a restaurant either' but it's one of those disparities between Mumsnet life and 'real' life. I almost never see people eating alone in restaurants. The very fact waiters make a fuss of you indicates it's something unusual. I don't want to do it. So I won't. :)