to think that if you're not going to acknowledge the bride and groom on their wedding day, you shouldn't accept the invitation?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

Because that's what happened yesterday at my DB and SIL's wedding, when my cousin refused to make eye contact with me, DH, DM, DCs and even the bride and groom.

She has always been a snob and a social climber and actually I can't stand her, but why turn up at the wedding if you hold the happy couple in such disdain that you can't acknowledge them? I found it stunningly rude.

There is recent history involving me and her parents, regarding children (ours) and spoilt snappy dogs (theirs), but we're all civil even though we no longer really see each other. My DM has a life limiting illness and although she isn't going to dwell on it I feel utterly offended on her behalf. I can't help thinking that when the inevitable time comes that we have to say goodbye to DM, she better hadn't come anywhere near us.

Why was she invited? It's not compulsory to invite relatives you have had issues with, but yes,...she was rude to be snooty at the wedding

Out of politeness. My DB has had nothing much to do with our disagreement.

Well,...at least now your DB knows not to invite her to anything again,...She is not worth bothering with.

Well given that she has issues with you then maybe she is keeping her distance. She doesn't have an issue with your Db so that makes sense that she was fine with him. Did you go up and speak to her? Ignoring your dm though was very wrong.

She wasn't fine with him. DB was the groom. She never even made eye contact with them, let alone congratulated or thanked them for their hospitality.

We had one at our wedding who is unfortunately close enough that we will have to see again. We just laugh about what a dick they are and not let it bother us. Try and think of it like that so they don't win by spoiling your memory of a happy occasion .

I will certainly put her out of my mind, but she better hadn't turn up to anything else, enjoy the free food and then fuck off without so much as hello and goodbye. In fact she better hadn't turn up at all.

Are you sure she snubbed the B&G? Has your db and sil confirmed this?

I'm just wondering as most B&G's would be off enjoying themselves and not discussing petty problems just after their wedding.

Yes they confirmed. There was an after wedding event when I mentioned to DB how she'd been with me and DM and he said she'd been the same with them. And yes the B&G were enjoying themselves and we continued to do so.

I hope your mum lives many, many more years, OP.

Well, Well done on bringing your db down on his wedding day, Why on earth would you mention something like that to him/them?

Whatever problems you have with your cousin you really should not be bringing it up with your db/sil on their wedding day.

We still laugh at the dickishness of the one at our wedding, it certainly hasn't brought us down, gives an amusing story to tell.

Op, on a serious note, you may well have to see this person again so be prepared for that and to not allow them to upset you.

CatsCantTwerk, please stop. It was a casual discussion at the post wedding event. He couldn't give less of a toss about her due to his own issues with her parents and her superior attitude to him. I just made an observation. How you feel that criticising me is productive is beyond me.

Thank Imperial, but we're down to the last year by the looks of it. She is happy to have managed her illness for the wedding day.

I apologise, I read the thread and posted as I seen it through my eyes. I'll leave :)

YANBU OP, if she made a point of snubbing them as well it seems a very passive aggressive pointed one. Best thing to do is ignore her, winds the tits up of passive aggressive people.

Well in that case I think I'd send them a message: "I wasn't the only person who noticed how you behaved at my brother's wedding. You didn't greet him and his new wife, you didn't congratulate them and you didn't even meet their eyes! When the inevitable happens with my mum, I don't want you there. I won't invite you to the funeral and I don't want you to show up. You have shown a callous disregard for my family and if you have the nerve to come anywhere near us at the funeral I will have you ejected."

Thanks Cats

Oh, my fingers itch to send that message (though luckily I have none of her contact details!) I'm going to keep that in reserve, it's perfect.

It's a horrible way to behave.

My brother's wife behaved very nastily at our wedding and tried her best to spoil the day. Brother was too gutless to stand up to her.

I dumped them the day after. The Gutless Wonder and The Vile Harpee they are known as. She turned up in slacks and a shirt

It's a rubbish thing to happen at your wedding but it could have been worse. At our wedding dh's dad and partner didn't say a word to either of us and left straight after the sit down meal. I don't speak to them when we see them which is once a year if that. Our wedding day was the latest in a long line of rubbish behaviour from them and tbh it's them missing out on their grandchildren.

Just ignore them op, focus on spending time with your mum. I know how precious it is.

OP, does she normally make eye contact? Some people find it incredibly difficult, especially if they have something like a social communication disorder.