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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD...balls going over fence

137 replies

Psipsina · 02/05/2015 17:48

I'm feeling a bit pissed off but maybe unjustly...our toddler managed to throw a ball off the balcony, and it bounced off and went into next door's garden. It was there for about a day, still there this morning, and I assumed they would throw it back - we could have asked for it but I didn't like to bother them - but when we went into the garden this afternoon they told ds1 that their dog had attacked it and it was no more.

If their son's ball had come over into our garden, and one of our pets had destroyed it I would offer to replace it. But maybe I'm being daft?

Ds3 just woke up crying about his ball, it was his favourite and he is only 2 Sad

We have got him two more similar ones but I just thought it was a bit unkind to leave it there till their dog got it then not even really give a stuff.

They seem like very nice people normally. Maybe they are pissed off that it went over but our balls very rarely do as I don't let the older ones play with them in the garden for this very reason.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 03/05/2015 10:47

OP, of course it's relevant whether your neighbour knew the ball was there and where it came from. How could it not be? You accused him of being unkind. If he didn't know it was there, obviously he wasn't unkind. And if he didn't know it came from your son, then he wasn't being unkind to your son. Whether you've changed your mind about that or not, I don't understand why you didn't think about that fundamental issue in the first place.

Vladimar · 03/05/2015 10:57

Trampolines and balls are not to be advised. We had a trip to A&E for a bad sprained ankle in this scenario and it's a common injury.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 10:58

Put yourself in your neighbours shoes.... Would you really want random balls thrown over the fence endlessly?! No thought not.

Get your son another ball.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/05/2015 11:00

Don't keep your ds3 away from the balls, Psipsina - just make sure there are plenty of them available, and any really beloved ones are kept safe. And if something really beloved goes over the fence, nip round and ask for it back.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 11:02

Op you also do sound a bit unhinged.... Going on about the dogs savaging your chickens..... With no history really to speak of....

If you'd really wanted that ball back without the dog ruining it you'd have asked for it back.

SoldierBear · 03/05/2015 11:04

And you still haven't said if you apologise to your neighbour for all these balls coming over his fence. Which is the decent thing to do.
I'm still bemused why DS didn't bother about the ball and then was totally devastated. It doesn't sound as if he was that attached to it, more like you are trying to convince yourself your course of inaction was the correct thing and your neighbour was unreasonable not to conduct a 24 hour ball-watch.

It is a strange thread. Threads about people who are annoyed by balks continually come over the fence or people annoyed because their neighbour will not give back a ball - yes. But to claim the neighbour should have acted pre emptiest and been a mind reader to save you the hassle of going round, apologising and asking to retrieve the ball - that is strange.

maninawomansworld · 03/05/2015 13:20

YABU. If you wanted it back then you should have gone round when it went over. Presumably you know they had a dog and guess what, dogs like balls!
It's entirely likely that the dog had found and chewed said ball before the owner had even discovered that it had been thrown over.
If it's on the floor in the garden then it's likely to get munched.

Take better care of your property next time.

hestialou · 03/05/2015 14:03

I used to throw balls back, until I watched one day and saw they were purposefully doing it, all balls left after that. Depends on child, if was a toddler wouldn't mind as generally accidental

specialsubject · 03/05/2015 14:10

may this be the worst disappointment and upset your son ever suffers.

but this is planet earth, and it won't be.

fortunately he is two and will forget all about it, and probably has already.

SorchaN · 03/05/2015 18:16

I have kids and so do the neighbours both sides; I really don't care if a ball ends up in my garden, although I don't always know which side it's come from and therefore which way to throw it back. If they come round and ask for the ball back, that's no problem to me. But I definitely wouldn't let one of my pets destroy someone else's property.

I remember when my eldest was three and she brought a ball to the park, and a man let his dog run over and destroy the ball - he didn't even call the dog back or anything. I know some dog owners are lovely and take responsibility for their pets, but I reckon about 75% of them are assholes.

Still, I don't think it's worth getting too fussed about it. Curse the dog owners under your breath, replace the ball, and put it behind you.

Laquitar · 03/05/2015 18:48

Ok. Your neighbours are extremely malicious.
They did it on purpose.
They have timed it and planned it all well.
They wanted your son to be scarred for life.
They had an orgasm when your son got upset.

Happy now?

Blimey OP, if you are like this with your dc3 , then what did you do when dc1 lost a ball?

MiaowTheCat · 03/05/2015 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyDevine · 03/05/2015 19:57

Laquitar Grin

Original poster
Psipsina · 03/05/2015 20:27

I don't get it - have you read the thread Laquitar? You do realise that I have accepted that it was most likely totally innocent?

Why does every thread in AIBU turn into a festival of incomprehension? I am fed up with answering accusations and questions that don't even make any sense, or refer to things that I didn't say, or that didn't happen.

I think when it gets to about 20 posts, everyone after that just skims it and makes up what they think it might have been about, then responds to their own imaginary version.

OP posts:
Original poster
Psipsina · 03/05/2015 20:30

Not everyone, I should say. Thank you very much for the sane responses, you know who you are Smile

Much appreciated. To everyone else: The drama was over many hours ago here...we have moved on...

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 21:04

Is your son ok now op?! Did you manage to find him another ball?! And your chickens are unsavaged?!

still think you're unhinged

SoldierBear · 03/05/2015 21:12

Oh, don't give up - just make sure you apologise to the neighbour when you go around the next time the ball goes over the fence. It's only polite, after all. Polite and sane.
Maybe they are pissed off - but pissed off because you never think to apologise?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/05/2015 05:41

Get a load of spare balls!

Your son will be very lucky if a lost ball is the worse he has to deal with in his childhood!

Also OP please remember that how you react and interact about sadness and disappointment will form tje basis of how your son learns to deal with it,esp as he is so young!

Original poster
Psipsina · 04/05/2015 05:56

I ALWAYS apologise for EVERYTHING.

I hope that is clear. They are probably sick to death of me apologising. What sort of person do you think I am?

Don't answer that.

OP posts:
Lazarusbal · 04/05/2015 05:57

I haven't rtft so I've may have missed something. This is the op's 3rd son?

Original poster
Psipsina · 04/05/2015 05:59

and furthermore as I have a little spare time to answer this right now, there are not 'loads of balls' 'all the time' or 'all these balls'.

There have been THREE balls go over in the time we have lived here.

Please just read what I wrote before you leap to these ridiculous conclusions. It's all there somewhere, or if it isn't, it's probably not happened...

OP posts:
Lazarusbal · 04/05/2015 06:00

I know there was at least one older boy

Original poster
Psipsina · 04/05/2015 06:01

Lazarus - please don't even bother - this is the most ridiculous and prolonged thread about virtually nothing. I am over it IRL, it just drags on and on and on, and it honestly isn't worth two seconds of your time, unless you like laughing at crazy people (me apparently) in which case fill your boots.

Sorry to disappoint.

OP posts:
Lazarusbal · 04/05/2015 06:06

There are houses that have been built at the end of my garden. I can't wait to ignore any ball that gets kicked over. Children kicking balls - makes me so angry.

CycleChic · 04/05/2015 06:18

Op, at 1919 you ask Would you rather someone come and knock on the door and ask you to go outside and retrieve something when you're in the middle of work/whatever, or that they wait patiently for you to go out there in the course of your everyday activities and chuck it back casually, when it's convenient for you?
Then at 1927 you state: Thanks for a courteous reply, Just. I think I would choose to wait, again - seeing as no one has told me they'd prefer to be disturbed while working or whatever.
Never mind the 2yo are you always this impatient?