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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD...balls going over fence

137 replies

Psipsina · 02/05/2015 17:48

I'm feeling a bit pissed off but maybe unjustly...our toddler managed to throw a ball off the balcony, and it bounced off and went into next door's garden. It was there for about a day, still there this morning, and I assumed they would throw it back - we could have asked for it but I didn't like to bother them - but when we went into the garden this afternoon they told ds1 that their dog had attacked it and it was no more.

If their son's ball had come over into our garden, and one of our pets had destroyed it I would offer to replace it. But maybe I'm being daft?

Ds3 just woke up crying about his ball, it was his favourite and he is only 2 Sad

We have got him two more similar ones but I just thought it was a bit unkind to leave it there till their dog got it then not even really give a stuff.

They seem like very nice people normally. Maybe they are pissed off that it went over but our balls very rarely do as I don't let the older ones play with them in the garden for this very reason.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 02/05/2015 18:17

They seem like very nice people normally.

I think I am supposing the guy is a bit mean. I think I am supposing the guy is a bit mean.

So is he nice? or is he mean?

You really are overthinking this. Just knock the door next time and apologise and ask for the ball back. Not a problem unless its happening regularly, then it can become a bit annoying.

Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 18:17

Of course the dog isn't vindictive Hmm it's a lovely dog.

Should I just keep or destroy any balls that come over in future as it serves the little sods right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 18:19

Ok. I think I get the picture. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 02/05/2015 18:34

What do you mean 'serves the little sods right'
The ball wasn't destroyed to serve your son right. The dog found the ball.

If it was that bloody important to your son why didn't you do as anyone else would and knock Confused

If a ball came into my back garden I wouldn't realise for days!

londonrach · 02/05/2015 18:38

Yabu.

londonrach · 02/05/2015 18:43

Having seen update now (read just first page) yabvvvvvvvvvvvvvvbu. Shocked. Ball in garden. Think neighbours wouldnt see. Dog destroys it. Its in their garden. Reminds me of my niece throwing her bucket out into the sea and not understanding why her dgf or my df would swim out and get it! She learnt not do it it again!

workhouse · 02/05/2015 18:45

YABU OP. This is just one of those things that happen in life, a day to day occurrence.

We can't protect them from ever getting disappointed, you know. He will have forgotten about in in a few hours.

gobbin · 02/05/2015 18:51

It's the ciiiircle of liiiife. Balls come...balls go.

What better way to start to teach a young child that things get lost and don't come back again. When my neighbour at the back (eventually) chopped down his 4ft wide conifer hedge we recovered five large football sized balls and innumerable tennis balls, sponge balls and ping pong balls. Think they must've been breeding in there! All DS's, mislayed over 12 years or so.

gobbin · 02/05/2015 18:53

...DS has now learnt to control a ball and was a County standard cricket player between 10 and 16 - you can tell what went on in our garden!

HermioneGrangerHair · 02/05/2015 19:03

If it's any comfort to him, the dog was probably thrilled with the find. Wink

We occasionally find balls in our garden, and we'll hazard a guess at which garden to return them to. However if the dog gets there first, there's not much left worth returning. If they came looking for it, I might apologise if they did too, but I wouldn't think of offering to replace it.

Fairyliz · 02/05/2015 19:04

Yes your son will be disappointed but this is how children learn to deal with disappointment. If you shield him from every unpleasant/ unfair thing in his life how will he ever learn to cope?

SoupDragon · 02/05/2015 19:08

You couldn't be arsed to ask for it back so your son clearly wasn't that attached to it.

Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 19:10

Actually I don't really get it. I can understand that the bloke was under no obligation to replace it and tbh I'd be embarrassed if he had done so...I was embarrassed at the fact we had lobbed it over there, which is why I didn't want to disturb him/them to ask for it back.

I think it's just the fact that if someone next to us had a little child who really loved their ball, we were on friendly terms, and they managed to chuck it into our garden, I would go out when I saw it and return it to them. I wouldn't think twice about it.

I can see that maybe the dog did genuinely get there first and perhaps the man apologised when he explained to Ds1 - I wasn't present. I will ask.

Just out of courtesy, you know - oiling the wheels of social contact and all that. Even if it was Ds3's fault.

If their son's ball came over, and he is much older, and it got destroyed by one of my kids or pets or whatever, I would not hesitate to go out and replace it. Children expect to have a wait or possibly that their ball will be lost; they do not anticipate it being torn to shreds. But then again, it's what dogs do I suppose.

I am still sad about it though and so is Ds. I hope the replacement balls will suffice Smile

DOES anyone know of a trampoline that has a net over the top as well as the sides? I'm sure I have seen them before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 19:12

You couldn't be arsed to ask for it back so your son clearly wasn't that attached to it.

Eeeh - no.

I didn't ask because I was worried they would find it a nuisance, and I know they go out there regularly and would see it so I thought, Ds will learn to wait. It'll come back soon enough when they are out there anyway.

I was thinking of them. I didn't expect to have to tell Ds that it has gone for ever. If I'd known it would be destroyed I'd have gone and asked or been far more careful about letting him lob it.

Lesson learned I guess.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 02/05/2015 19:13

My god you sound like hard work, do you over analyse everything this much?

Vivacia · 02/05/2015 19:14

For goodness's sake OP. Perhaps they didn't see the ball, perhaps they did but didn't realise it was a ball, perhaps they did but didn't know where it had come from, perhaps they did but had other things going on in their lives and didn't get around to dealing with it...

What do you think about this comment,
Yes your son will be disappointed but this is how children learn to deal with disappointment. If you shield him from every unpleasant/ unfair thing in his life how will he ever learn to cope?

RunRunAsFastishAsYouCan · 02/05/2015 19:16

It's A. Ball
Get over it

SoldierBear · 02/05/2015 19:17

It's unreasonable to suppose your neighbour saw the ball - you cannot know that he looked out into his garden.
It's unreasonable to know your DS has thrown a ball into your neighbours garden and then to expect your neighbour to go out and throw it back over just to save you the hassle of going round and asking for it
And if the ball had lain there for over a day without your son getting upset or missing it, it doesn't sound as if he was that attached to it in the first place.

Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 19:19

Would you rather someone come and knock on the door and ask you to go outside and retrieve something when you're in the middle of work/whatever, or that they wait patiently for you to go out there in the course of your everyday activities and chuck it back casually, when it's convenient for you?

Honest answers as I may be getting this wrong.

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 02/05/2015 19:21

Balls are not expensive. Get him another. Stop all the angst. It's not necessary. He's not too young to learn consequences. Just as you have.

PannaDoll · 02/05/2015 19:22

Is this for real? Astonishing.

By your logic, of the chewed up ball poisons their dog, you owe them a new dog. I hope it's a mongrel as those fancy breeds can get expensive.

Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 19:23

Yup, I would sub them for a new dog if my ball killed their dog.

Christ. It would be expensive but yes that would make me feel I was responsible. So I'd sort it.

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 02/05/2015 19:24

We've had numerous balls in our garden and never once have they come and asked for them. We don't rush to throw them back as I'm petty - privacy related - but we have been guilty of balls going into a different neighbours garden. One lost to the dog. Went over when humans were out, dog let out on returning and owner didn't see ball in time. We've been and asked for balls. They chuck them back. They understand it will happen. We pick our moments though and think about the dog aspect.

If you knock and they are busy they are aware the ball is there and can chuck it back when convenient. Doing nothing means more likely to lose it. You need to choose.

AuntyMag10 · 02/05/2015 19:25

Honestly op, your upset is misdirected here. It was entirely your responsibility to get the ball back. And just get another ball if your son is so upset. It's really not a big deal.

Original poster
Psipsina · 02/05/2015 19:27

Thanks for a courteous reply, Just. I think I would choose to wait, again - seeing as no one has told me they'd prefer to be disturbed while working or whatever.

And risk not getting the ball back. I'd rather the neighbours liked us than we got our ball, tbh. Knocking every time one goes over would be a complete PITA, well I'd find it a PITA so I assume they would. I chuck balls back when I am out there anyway.

OP posts: