AIBU re DSS' mum request?

[wifeandexmatter]

I've nc and if you know me please don't out me.

This is a bit long, so please bear with me as I speak English as a second language.

DH and DSS' mum have 50:50 parental care arrangement. Dh and I have
3 more DC. Earlier in the week, my PIL requested to have all dc for the weekend and on hearing this i applied for a day off so i can rest on my own. I hold a stressful full time job and together with parenting and all other things can be exhausting. DSS' mum said she will have her son over the weekend. The plan is for the PIL to fetch the 3 DC from school and drop them off on Monday. About an hour ago, i get a text from dh to ask if i can fetch dss from school and keep him till his mum can make it back at 4 or thereabout. I refused. I took this day when my dc and him(dh) are not here so i can get a break and i am not apologetic about this( i know some mumsnet mums frown upon the idea that a parent can be exhausted from children). He calls me to ask why not, that dss(7) can just keep himself busy while waiting and i can continue with my rest. But my point is that when he gets here i will want to make him lunch and engage him as i love him, i simply cannot ignore him and dh knows this. Dh said he will then take half day to come look after him,i then said, why can't the mum call the PIL to have dss, in this way he gets to play with his siblings. She doesn't want to call the PIL because she distanced herself after we got married, so they(pil and the mum) have a cold relationship and i can tell if it were up to her, dss woundn't have any form of relationship with them, but their relationship is not something i lose sleep over. Dh says she can't, so he will take the time off to look after his child, i then said to him, it isnt about dss, its about him facilitating for his ex when she can swallow her pride and call his parents, who have never once said a bad word about her to me or within my ear.

In principle i have no issue with him taking a day to look after his dc, i just wanted this time - which has been ruined - to myself until he gets back from work.

I feel that dss' mum can't book a spa treatment with her friends when she knows she has to fetch her son from school and refuses the next easiest alternative. She refuses to call my Pil to keep her pride but makes plans on my behalf. She was hoping i'll look after him while she rests.

As for my husband, i told him he is not taking a half day to facilitate this unreasonable request and mess up my plans. She must make her own alternative arrangement. Am I unreasonable?

nicker and what?

I presume the dh is adult, so it's decision

Personally I don't think the op is coming across well either. So I can see why they don't get on.

Yes sticking to plans is good. But a bit of flexibility is good too. If the dh is happy to oblige, why not?

I find it interesting that the op says that the ILs have never had a bad word to say about the ex, the dh seems to co parent well with her to the point he has a 50/50 arrangement, and in fact the only person who has anything bad to say about the ex is in fact the op. Very telling IMO

nyanbu

I can imagine how precious a childfree afternoon is, yours, or his, or any kids at all and now it's been ruined by the guilt I imagine!!

If 2 parents were married to each other it wouldn't be acceptable for 1 to disappear off on a spa trip on a lunchtime and for the working parent to have to take the afternoon off at the last minute so why is it acceptable when 2 parents are divorced?

I find your posts tedious, i didn't think i had to spell out exactly what ahe has done and said about me.

I have said it before, Dh cannot take time out to facilitate her spa treatments, will you take half day leave so your husband or ex can go to a spa on short notice. I am not saying he can't take time to look after his son, its him taking time off so this woman can go off to a spa - it's crazy and indulging and she is entitled.

wanna i find your posts tedious and looking to fault me

Thanks to all others who can out themselves in my shoes

As the mother of 3 DC who works full time and never gets a day at home to herself, I say YANBU.

The ex gets time to herself when her DC is with you and your DH. Why doesn't she go to the spa then?

If it was your/dh's usual day to collect his dc from school, then she was NBU to assume you'd still do so, regardless of whether your own dc were there or with their grandparents. It would then have been up to you and dh to negotiate who got him.

Having a whole day to yourself is a rare and beautiful thing, and I definitely understand why you wouldn't want to change plans. I hope that the dc doesn't find out they were unwanted though, because no matter how much you love and care for them usually, that would really hurt.

YANBU at all. It must be very frustrating ( the situation).You have right to have your break and not to jump on any request made by his ex.I would tell you that YABU if she had an emergancy (hospital,illness,sickness or ill relative) but if she needs help because of her own selfish reasons I would make sure to make it clear to my husband that his priorities ARE with me not with HER.She knows she has a child or children and in her time with him/them it's her responsibility and I would make sure he does not take half day off.