Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP flying off the handle and not letting stuff drop. Getting me down - walking on egg shells

76 replies

CandyClouds81 · 30/04/2015 16:03

Quick background - DP is constantly moaning about my kids. They're messy, they're lazy, they're cocky, they're badly behaved, they're untidy etc etc ...

I very rarely say anything about his kids as I learnt early on that this will ALWAYS results in a huge row which drags on for days because he likes to believe that the sun shines out of his kids' arses.

Now - last night DP said to me "DS (20) has asked if I'll take him to (town around 40 miles away) at weekend to buy something. Dss tends to make a bit of a habit of this, he seems incapable of getting anywhere by himself and is constantly expecting people to ferry him around. His own mother won't do it so it's usually left to DP. A while back we had an issue with him having a girlfriend around 35 miles away which he was unable to get to independantly so he was constantly asking "will you take me to a/b and then c and then back to b and finally back to a" etc etc. One particular example was "can you take me to gf's house, then take us both to the coast (another 44 miles) and then pick us up from there the same night and take us both back to mums house (36 miles away)" and then it would have been another 9 miles for DP to get home. He was really taking the piss with it all but DP wouldn't have a word said against him. Now, this would be all well and good apart from the fact that DP often says that I do too much for my 16 year old son and I should make him get around independently and not taxi him around!!!!

So after DP said about taking DSS to this town at weekend I said "why can't he get the train?" and DP replied "because he's tight and doesn't like to pay for anything!" and laughed Hmm. (yeah because petrol is free right?!). So I said "oh well, do what you want but I think he could do to be a bit more independant at his age myself". (bare in mind DP NEVER censors what he thinks about MY kids and is CONSTANTLY offering his opinion on what my kids should and shouldn't be doing.

Anyway he went off on one, said I was out of order, said I'd really upset him and he was livid with me for saying such a thing about DSS and that it's fuck all to do with me what he does with his son. I didn't want to get into an argument about it so I just said "look, I'm not going to argue with you but if you don't want honest opinions on your kids, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to offer them on my kids." Well he argued with me all night over it, even when we were in bed he refused to hug me saying he was so upset with me etc etc. When I told him we were allowed to have disagreements but they didn't need to be carried into all nighters he replied that he would refuse to talk to me for as long as he felt like it etc etc.

So fucking childish and OTT. So was I out of order then??? is it really normal for such a remark to cause such a fucking shitstorm??

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 30/04/2015 16:07

Well, I only got half way through that before deciding he was a great big cuntychops and stopped reading

I would dump him.

ollieplimsoles · 30/04/2015 16:07

Your dp sounds nasty to me, you shouldnt be walking on eggshells all the time in a relationship op Sad

ThatBloodyWoman · 30/04/2015 16:07

Does he go so ott over other things? Or is it just his kids?

CatsCantTwerk · 30/04/2015 16:09

Have You posted about this before op? It is very familiar.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 30/04/2015 16:12

Gobbolino Cuntychops!!!!! Grin Grin

And I echo what ^ gob says

BowiesJumper · 30/04/2015 16:12

Who has time for such an arsewipe? I hope he's nicer to your kids face to face?

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2015 16:13

Do you live together?

Because you shouldn't. How can you be with someone who doesn't like your children?

Original poster
CandyClouds81 · 30/04/2015 16:13

Mainly the kids but he's been known to go into meltdown over other things too that most people would just deal with by saying "stop bloody moaning!" and get over it.

One example - we were on holiday and arrived at a hotel that he had booked to discover it was an absolute shit hole. Old rag up at the "window/hole in concrete wall", concrete slab with a mucky old mattress on top for a bed and a half rotten wooden door with a padlock on it seperating us from the outside. Shower didn't work, toilet didn't flush. It stunk.

My reaction (as I'm sure a lot of people's would be) was to say "oh jesus, I can't stay here, it's a shit hole, let's see if we can find somewhere else". He went mental and said I was a brat, I was selfish, I was causing an argument on purpose and I had wrecked the holiday. He then dragged this argument on ALL NIGHT and refused to let it drop - even after I apologised (why I don't fucking know!) and tried to make up with him he refused saying he would continue to be a mood about it for as long as he wished. Funnily enough, that is one of the most memorable parts of the holiday for me, for all the wrong reasons.

But yeah, It's mainly the kids that he goes ape shit over.

OP posts:
CapnMurica · 30/04/2015 16:13

YANBU. He sounds like a bellend.

It sounds like you have spent quite a long time letting things go for an easy life.

Original poster
CandyClouds81 · 30/04/2015 16:15

I have let ALOT of things go - I told him this last night and his reaction was (and always is)

"of course you let things go, it's easier for you to keep me on side, you're the one who's lucky to be in the relationship" (or words to that effect)

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 30/04/2015 16:16

Have you considered not being with him? He sounds like a nightmare.

owlonabike · 30/04/2015 16:18

Nasty, nasty man. You deserve better.

browneyedgirl86 · 30/04/2015 16:18

Yanbu. When DP and I first met and before we moved in together there was quite a distant between us, no way in hell would my parents have driven me there, then to another place and back! Nor would I have expected it. The son needs to grow up and your DP needs to stop pandering to him.

Your DP sounds like an arse though I'm sorry. No one should be in a relationship and feel like treading on eggshells. The fact that he doesn't appear to like your children would be a massive issue for me.

BitchPeas · 30/04/2015 16:19

Oh my fucking god! I would kick his arse out for that comment alone!

browneyedgirl86 · 30/04/2015 16:21

"of course you let things go, it's easier for you to keep me on side, you're the one who's lucky to be in the relationship" (or words to that effect

Just seen this.
Oh. My.God.

Get him to the far side of fuck!

BestZebbie · 30/04/2015 16:21

Wow, how insecure is he! What is he scared might happen if something he has done/chosen/sided with/expected/fathered was allowed to receive criticism - people might suddenly realise that he isn't actually the perfect King of Perfectworld, and even maybe notice that he sometimes makes mistakes?

FuckingLiability · 30/04/2015 16:22

OP, are you box room poster? This sounds very familiar.

guinnessgirl · 30/04/2015 16:24

bloody hell. What an unremitting twat. Does he have any redeeming features?

faitaccompli · 30/04/2015 16:25

Oh wow. He sounds horrible. But the same as my ex. He would drive to the ends of the earth (think 5am school run every day on 80 mile round trip when he was out of work and I was funding fuel). But my son who was not even in his teens had to walk 15 minutes, catch a train, walk another 15 minutes to get to school. And was moaned about constantly. It is lovely not to be walking on egg shells now. I miss the good bits, but I do NOT miss the egg shells. And the egg shells were way more frequent than the good bits.

Also (interestingly) I had developed blood pressure problems (200/95). Even on medication it only came down to 160 ish. Now, BP down to 120/80. Funny that.

If someone does not like your children, then they have to go. It is soooo easy!

AuntyMag10 · 30/04/2015 16:26

I'm sure I've read this post before, word for word.

DinosaursRoar · 30/04/2015 16:27

OP - now tell us why you are with him?

He's not the father of your DCs, he doesn't like you, doesn't like your DCs, treats all of you like shit... why would you stay with him and make your DC's lives shitty for no good reason? So if this has been going on for years, what are the good reasons you've not dumped him for it?

AdoraBell · 30/04/2015 16:29

I can't see one reason to continue a relationship with this man.

Kick his arse to the kirb. You don't need the aggravation that being with him causes you and neither your DCs, whatever age they are.

gingerbreadmam · 30/04/2015 16:33

yeah, just leave. he sounds absolutely awful.

the ferrying a 20 year old around left right and centre is bad enough then i saw about the shithole.

dont get me wrong its nice to do things for your kids but a to b to c to b then wherever else must have been almost a full day of driving and it didnt cost his ds a penny? at 20 year old? hes onto a good thing.

fuzzywuzzy · 30/04/2015 16:33

OP you've posted this before haven't you?

Seriously LTB, things have clearly not changed and never will, furthermore the more you describe your relationship the worse it sounds.

Why are you with him?

YouTheCat · 30/04/2015 16:33

He's an abusive arsehole. Get rid.

Swipe left for the next trending thread