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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP flying off the handle and not letting stuff drop. Getting me down - walking on egg shells

76 replies

CandyClouds81 · 30/04/2015 16:03

Quick background - DP is constantly moaning about my kids. They're messy, they're lazy, they're cocky, they're badly behaved, they're untidy etc etc ...

I very rarely say anything about his kids as I learnt early on that this will ALWAYS results in a huge row which drags on for days because he likes to believe that the sun shines out of his kids' arses.

Now - last night DP said to me "DS (20) has asked if I'll take him to (town around 40 miles away) at weekend to buy something. Dss tends to make a bit of a habit of this, he seems incapable of getting anywhere by himself and is constantly expecting people to ferry him around. His own mother won't do it so it's usually left to DP. A while back we had an issue with him having a girlfriend around 35 miles away which he was unable to get to independantly so he was constantly asking "will you take me to a/b and then c and then back to b and finally back to a" etc etc. One particular example was "can you take me to gf's house, then take us both to the coast (another 44 miles) and then pick us up from there the same night and take us both back to mums house (36 miles away)" and then it would have been another 9 miles for DP to get home. He was really taking the piss with it all but DP wouldn't have a word said against him. Now, this would be all well and good apart from the fact that DP often says that I do too much for my 16 year old son and I should make him get around independently and not taxi him around!!!!

So after DP said about taking DSS to this town at weekend I said "why can't he get the train?" and DP replied "because he's tight and doesn't like to pay for anything!" and laughed Hmm. (yeah because petrol is free right?!). So I said "oh well, do what you want but I think he could do to be a bit more independant at his age myself". (bare in mind DP NEVER censors what he thinks about MY kids and is CONSTANTLY offering his opinion on what my kids should and shouldn't be doing.

Anyway he went off on one, said I was out of order, said I'd really upset him and he was livid with me for saying such a thing about DSS and that it's fuck all to do with me what he does with his son. I didn't want to get into an argument about it so I just said "look, I'm not going to argue with you but if you don't want honest opinions on your kids, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to offer them on my kids." Well he argued with me all night over it, even when we were in bed he refused to hug me saying he was so upset with me etc etc. When I told him we were allowed to have disagreements but they didn't need to be carried into all nighters he replied that he would refuse to talk to me for as long as he felt like it etc etc.

So fucking childish and OTT. So was I out of order then??? is it really normal for such a remark to cause such a fucking shitstorm??

OP posts:
FujimotosElixir · 30/04/2015 16:34

course you let things go, it's easier for you to keep me on side, you're the one who's lucky to be in the relationship" (or words to that effect)
? ^^...id have dumped him for that alone, why is he such a catch? sounds like youve allowed yourself to be a doormat.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 30/04/2015 16:36

As another poster once said, "If you're walking on eggshells then one of you is a chicken."

brusselsproutwarning · 30/04/2015 16:37

You dp sounds like a moody spoilt brat.

DocHollywood · 30/04/2015 16:37

In his own special way he's telling you that he doesn't want you, he doesn't respect you and he's doing you a favour by keeping you in his life. Do you do the cooking, cleaning etc.?. I don't want to be cruel but I can't see any other reason for him wanting you to be with him. You are worth so much more and your children need to see that you are as well. Please don't put up with this, walking on egg shells is not what life is about. Horrible bully!

ThatBloodyWoman · 30/04/2015 16:38

Take it from one who knows.
Once you start shutting your mouth for fear of opening it,things are on a slippery slope.
Its a warning sign.
Move on,you're worth more than this.

Seriouslyffs · 30/04/2015 16:38

Well good men are hard to find and you have to take the rough with the smooth. He's very good to take you on with children already and it's lovely that he looks after his son.
Seriously OP
Why?

SunnyBaudelaire · 30/04/2015 16:39

" a great big cuntychops "

sounds like a fair analysis to me.

ItsADinosaur · 30/04/2015 16:40

I'm sure the OP has posted similar before, never comes back but just posts the same thing again every so often.

Vycount · 30/04/2015 16:41

I just can't work out why you are in this relationship.

DoJo · 30/04/2015 16:42

Presumably your kids are aware of how he feels about them? Because it's one thing for you to put up with this, but they must be either walking on eggshells around him too, or just suffering the knocks to their self esteem as they have to deal with someone who is constantly negative about them.

There is nothing in your OP or subsequent posts that suggests any of you are better off with him in your lives - you haven't mentioned a single positive to your relationship which might mitigate his horrible behaviour. I can only suggest that you seriously consider what life might be like without him in it, because I cannot imagine it could be worse than what you've described.

areyoubeingserviced · 30/04/2015 16:44

Dump this arse. It will not get any better.

ouryve · 30/04/2015 16:48

Life's too short to waste on an arsewipe like that.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 30/04/2015 16:50

DoJo
Presumably your kids are aware of how he feels about them? Because it's one thing for you to put up with this, but they must be either walking on eggshells around him too

This.

What must your kids feel like? This is really upsetting to read so for your kids to be living it must be awful.

I'm amazed the 16 yo is still living with you.

Icimoi · 30/04/2015 16:53

Do you get anything at all out of this relationship except a lot of stress and grief?

Feminine · 30/04/2015 16:55

You need to leave him,if only for your children.
This is an abusive relationship.
I'm sorry.
Can you get help from anyone?

Charley50 · 30/04/2015 17:00

What a wanker.

fatlazymummy · 30/04/2015 17:00

Not going to call him names or anything, but why are you bothering with this relationship? Whats the point? I couldn't be arsed ,myself.
You don't have kids together, you're not married, I'd just end it before it gets any messier. Who needs this aggro?

PeeNoMore · 30/04/2015 17:04

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 30-Apr-15 16:07:11

Well, I only got half way through that before deciding he was a great big cuntychops and stopped reading

I would dump him.

^ This. With bells on!

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/04/2015 17:05

Anybody criticising my child would be on the wrong end of my foot and the door smacking them in the arse in the way out.
Not only is this not fair on you, but you are inflicting this fuckwit and his kin on your kids Angry.

What are you going to do about it?

moresnow · 30/04/2015 17:17

Hi again, OP. LTB, same as last time and all the other times.

BettyCatKitten · 30/04/2015 17:21

Cuntychops this with bells on. Why are you with such an unreasonable wanker? Get out now, that's my adviceFlowers

CupidStuntSurvivor · 30/04/2015 17:22

This is how my abusive ex started out. Falling out with me over next to nothing and carrying on acting like I'd cut his balls off until I practically grovelled and apologised profusely just to end the tension.

The comment over you being lucky to be in a relationship with him tells you everything about his opinion of you. Dump the cunt and move on with your life.

ilovesooty · 30/04/2015 17:22

Get some self respect and look after the welfare of your children. Dump him.

LindyHemming · 30/04/2015 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoraGora · 30/04/2015 17:26

The guy sounds like an arsehole. Good luck.

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