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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP flying off the handle and not letting stuff drop. Getting me down - walking on egg shells

76 replies

CandyClouds81 · 30/04/2015 16:03

Quick background - DP is constantly moaning about my kids. They're messy, they're lazy, they're cocky, they're badly behaved, they're untidy etc etc ...

I very rarely say anything about his kids as I learnt early on that this will ALWAYS results in a huge row which drags on for days because he likes to believe that the sun shines out of his kids' arses.

Now - last night DP said to me "DS (20) has asked if I'll take him to (town around 40 miles away) at weekend to buy something. Dss tends to make a bit of a habit of this, he seems incapable of getting anywhere by himself and is constantly expecting people to ferry him around. His own mother won't do it so it's usually left to DP. A while back we had an issue with him having a girlfriend around 35 miles away which he was unable to get to independantly so he was constantly asking "will you take me to a/b and then c and then back to b and finally back to a" etc etc. One particular example was "can you take me to gf's house, then take us both to the coast (another 44 miles) and then pick us up from there the same night and take us both back to mums house (36 miles away)" and then it would have been another 9 miles for DP to get home. He was really taking the piss with it all but DP wouldn't have a word said against him. Now, this would be all well and good apart from the fact that DP often says that I do too much for my 16 year old son and I should make him get around independently and not taxi him around!!!!

So after DP said about taking DSS to this town at weekend I said "why can't he get the train?" and DP replied "because he's tight and doesn't like to pay for anything!" and laughed . (yeah because petrol is free right?!). So I said "oh well, do what you want but I think he could do to be a bit more independant at his age myself". (bare in mind DP NEVER censors what he thinks about MY kids and is CONSTANTLY offering his opinion on what my kids should and shouldn't be doing.

Anyway he went off on one, said I was out of order, said I'd really upset him and he was livid with me for saying such a thing about DSS and that it's fuck all to do with me what he does with his son. I didn't want to get into an argument about it so I just said "look, I'm not going to argue with you but if you don't want honest opinions on your kids, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to offer them on my kids." Well he argued with me all night over it, even when we were in bed he refused to hug me saying he was so upset with me etc etc. When I told him we were allowed to have disagreements but they didn't need to be carried into all nighters he replied that he would refuse to talk to me for as long as he felt like it etc etc.

So fucking childish and OTT. So was I out of order then??? is it really normal for such a remark to cause such a fucking shitstorm??

OP posts:

TravellingToad · 30/04/2015 17:27

come on OP do you really need to be told? Get rid. For your kids sake too.

helenahandbag · 30/04/2015 17:29

Run. Run far, far away.

This man is an utter bellend and you will never be able to "fix" him.

fatlazymummy · 30/04/2015 17:31

OP, it's your house ,isn't it?
Just kick him out (if it is) and move on with your life. You're not really tied to this man. There's nothing to keep you in the relationship, which puts you in a better position than thousands of other people in shitty relationships.

TapDancingMollusc · 30/04/2015 17:47

"of course you let things go, it's easier for you to keep me on side, you're the one who's lucky to be in the relationship"

Just leave him. You don't need this in your life. Being happy alone is better than being miserable and walking on eggshells in a relationship.

CocktailQueen · 30/04/2015 17:51

Well, I only got half way through that before deciding he was a great big cuntychops and stopped reading

Fab response, Gob. And spot on!

Seriously, OP? What an absolute bell end. Dump him. You will be FAR happier.

Bakeoffcake · 30/04/2015 17:59

If you make him leave, you won't have to tred on eggshells anymore.

Sorted!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/04/2015 18:01

Right so why are you still with him?do you think your kids don't know what he thinks of them?

Chippednailvarnish · 30/04/2015 18:03

If you think your DH is a dickhead, it's because he is a dickhead.

2rebecca · 30/04/2015 18:04

I'd walk away, sounds like you aren't married

Jengnr · 30/04/2015 18:22

This sounds familiar. Is this the guy who beats up your 13 year old son?

Apologies if not.

popalot · 30/04/2015 18:47

No it's not normal to have such a shitstorm all night. He's annoyed that you dared disagree with him and let him know it. You need to say goodbye to this man. Can't be much fun for your kids; if you can't face saying ta da for yourself think about what they think about living with him.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 30/04/2015 18:48

Is this the OP who has been in a shitty relationship for ages, whose OH is a twat to her boys, who posts frequently under different names then stops replying to people responding to her because everyone's pointing out that her situation is very easy to get out of but she won't?

Sadit · 30/04/2015 18:52

I feels sorry for your kids.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2015 18:53

box room

next !

Inkanta · 30/04/2015 18:55

What is box room?

Inkanta · 30/04/2015 18:57

Awful to think you may stay with this man and your kids be subjected to more of him.

Tiredemma · 30/04/2015 18:59

Im sure ive read about this bloke on athread before.

Still a cunt I see.

star8369 · 30/04/2015 19:02

Inkanta OP posted a while ago about her wanting her dss to sleep in the box room when he visits (once in a blue moon) so her son (who lives there full time) could have the bigger room and this guy said no and went in a massive huff with her

morethanpotatoprints · 30/04/2015 19:03

Maybe his first wife had a narrow escape, by the sounds of it.
no, he won't change.
LTB.

molyholy · 30/04/2015 19:06

Urgh. What a horrible man. Anyone who treated my kids like this would be asked in no uncertain terms to fuck the fuck off. Also do your kids see him treating you like this? They must hate his guts.

blushingbooty · 30/04/2015 21:10

Why are you with him? He's rude to you, verbally aggressive and makes you feel like shit.

YANBU OP, especially as he comments on your kids. I think you know why his first wife made him an ex! As for Dss, like father like son? They both sound entitled.

mommy2ash · 30/04/2015 21:22

im not sure what answer it is you are looking for off strangers on the internet. it would be a cold day in hell before anyone treated my dd like that. do the right thing and leave him. or keep posting on the internet about it whichever is easier

magoria · 30/04/2015 21:27

I didn't get beyond the first paragraph. His kids are treated differently (better) than yours.

You don't need any other reason to end this apart from your DC.

The others shitty behaviours are just icing on the cake.

OrangeVase · 30/04/2015 21:34

Sounds familiar - I think you have posted before too. It sounds as if the relationship has run its course. You don't think much of his kids or the way he parents his son. If he drives his son round that's his decision - I might do the same for mine.

Initially he laughed when you commented. He was taking it in good part. But you pushed it. Then when he gets angry you label it "going off on one" which doesn't show much respect. He then escalates the argument and shows little consideration for you.

Essentially neither of you seems to think much of the other or the others' kids. Why prolong the agony?

Tequilashotsfor1 · 30/04/2015 21:36

Why Are you with him? Fuck, after your first two paragraphs I thought he was a bell end then after your other posts I'm amazed your still there. why?

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