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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that other Mums were rolling their eyes at my child's behaviour this morning. --And should I have said something?--

74 replies

spad · 30/04/2015 12:51

In fairness, I can see their point. They have their new-ish born sitting in front of them being generally perfect and my ds is running around enjoying all the toys. I am sure he does appear to be boisterous to them.

But it really upsets me when I can see them making a judgement call on his behaviour. Particularly as it seems so unfair and they are almost doing it in front of my face.

Should I have said something? Or have you ever said something good that I could copy next time? Or have you regretted saying something?

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 30/04/2015 13:50

Fair enough OP, in that situation I'd probably feel the way you do. It's a toddler group, he behaved like toddlers do and you dealt with inappropriate behaviour by the sounds of it. They'll have a shock when theirs get older (as will I, I'm sure!)

TribbleNamedDave · 30/04/2015 13:52

Gosh they would have hated my two, I could have joined you on the plane of reality instead of up in the sky in thinkweknowitallville.

popalot · 30/04/2015 13:54

Just revel in the fact that they'll feel extra embarassed/anxious when their kid does toddler stuff.

CaspianSea · 30/04/2015 13:54

Maybe just teach him to be a bit more careful around small babies?

When my friend first took her baby to softplay, she yelled at a toddler who kept throwing toys at her baby. I don't blame her, it was dangerous and his parents were doing nothing to stop him.

tellmemore1982 · 30/04/2015 13:56

I'm going out on a limb here to say that if you were in a toddler environment and you were getting as many looks as you sound like you were, maybe your line as to what constitutes appropriate behaviour is a bit different to theirs.

Normally if there are several people looking at a kid like they're acting up, they're acting up.

I know several mums of boisterous kids who are so worn down by difficult behaviour that it just starts to seem normal and they only intervene when their kid does something really naughty, not before. Unfortunately that boisterous bit is not always normal and I myself get pissed off when it's not being managed properly because it rubs off on all the other kids and chaos ensues pretty quickly.

I say this as a mum of a very very energetic toddler and a newborn.

littlemslazybones · 30/04/2015 14:00

Spad you have a toddler, an 8 mo and are 6 months pregnant and you are STILL doing toddler groups!?!

They should be taking notes! Grin

tellmemore1982 · 30/04/2015 14:07

To add - I do understand that it's a case of picking your battles sometimes and kids do have to learn. But sometimes other mums just don't want it to be their kid that yours has to learn from. You must be exhausted with baby and pregnancy too, just getting them out the house is an achievement in itself. If it's not somewhere you're comfortable, find somewhere you don't feel in a minority.

Original poster
spad · 30/04/2015 14:28

Thanks Lazymsbones, that's what I think too! Sitting there with one six month old being smug, condescending and judgemental seems really unfair.

Tellmemore I agree. I am a teacher, usually of five year olds, and totally agree with you. That wasn't the case this morning though. Honestly. I just think because he is vocal he is obviously there Iyswim? And I am a pretty tough cookie normally. I just don't know what it is they exactly expect me to do??? There is nothing I can do to stop him screaming and as for the rest of it, well is that not all part and partial of toddlers on ?

OP posts:
Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 14:33

he was inappropriate with a toy mop Grin

He sounds just fine op. They will learn ha ha.

Viviennemary · 30/04/2015 14:34

I wasn't there so can't say whether your son was overly noisy or boisterous. I am amazed at how many people are saying these Mums with newborns will soon learn. Children need to be taught that yelling and screaming at the tops of their voices and being a total nuisance to other folk is not acceptable.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 14:36

Blimey just seem you are pregnant and have a baby too!

Fuck them love you deserve a medal.

I used to head outside with my boisterous boys. We didn't do toddler groups for this precise reason. Appreciate that's hard for you but boys are like dogs, they need lots of excersise.

littlemslazybones · 30/04/2015 14:44

boys are like dogs, they need lots of exercise

Oh god body, what did you do? Grin

CuppaSarah · 30/04/2015 14:45

He was hardly inna

Original poster
spad · 30/04/2015 14:45

So VivienneMary, how exactly would you suggest I go about doing that?

We were not at a The Ritz. We were at a Baby AND Toddler group. And to expect a two year old to sit still and not scream in a large hall filled with bikes, balls and slides etc seems to me like a wasted effort. Is that not exactly what they should be doing in such a space?

OP posts:
CuppaSarah · 30/04/2015 14:49

Oops let's try again.

He was hardly inappropriate with the toy mop! Not ideal, but he's a toddler. Of course waving it in a younger child's face seems like a great idea. He won't be the first or last to be doing that! Grin

It all sounds like really normal toddler group stuff. But I was the same before I had a two year old, I think I was less judgemental and more horrified I too would have to deal with it one day, but I bet it looked judgemental to others. Let them get on with it, they live in a naive little bubble( which will pop in a years time)

fleurdelacourt · 30/04/2015 14:55

get exactly the same reception from all the reception Mums when ds (Y5) and his friends are mucking around in the playground! Little do they know that it's a completely normal way for 10 year old boys to behave!

OP - I'd just ignore them TBH? Why are they at a toddler group with newborns anyway?

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 15:04

little

We live near a huge woods/play area and walked the little buggers there in all winds and weathers.

Your lad sounds fine op. Ignore them.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 15:06

Still chuckling over mop gate!

Sootgremlin · 30/04/2015 15:27

I had this once when I inadvertently went to a group where there were no other preschoolers on that day, just pfbs babies.

My boy was actually perfectly behaved, nothing incendiary involving cleaning equipment occurred, but I was still made to feel really unwelcome by these mums with their tiny ones. They looked at ds like he was a different species. I was looking at his behaviour through mum-coloured specs, either, he was lovely for once

It was hard because they obviously didn't understand yet it's hard to take a small child somewhere where there are toys, even 'baby' toys, and expect them to leave without wanting to join in for a bit first. We stayed as short a time as possible, then got the hell out of there, Ross Kemp style. Actually, awkward, shuffling demoralised mother style Blush

But I admit I did think 'they'll learn', because when it's their gangling toddler excitedly getting stuck into some toys they will expect at least the adults to be pleasant and understanding.

Sootgremlin · 30/04/2015 15:29

*wasn't looking, wasn't!

littlemslazybones · 30/04/2015 15:35

That sound awesome body and fwiw, I have 3 boys and agree with your analogy. But I'm not brave enough to say 'boys are like dogs' in case I call upon the full force of MN right-on wrath.

BuzzardBird · 30/04/2015 15:47

OP, I think you should change this thread title to "DS has been inappropiate with a mop"...guarenteed it will be the most clicked on thread today! Grin

GlitzAndGigglesx · 30/04/2015 15:54

He hardly sounds like a threat and can't run and burn energy at home because of the baby. Don't worry

tomatodizzymum · 30/04/2015 15:55

You have a toddler, an 8 mo and are 6 months pregnant.

I'm impressed! I'm a mum of 4, three boys. When you point one finger at someone else the other three are pointing back at you anyway!

Next time they roll their eyes you should wait till he runs off to play and say "Whose child is this anyway?"

formerbabe · 30/04/2015 15:58

Children need to be taught that yelling and screaming at the tops of their voices and being a total nuisance to other folk is not acceptable

It was at a toddler group. Toddlers actually quite often do need to be noisy and run around.

Oh and as a mother of a lovely son who has a ridiculous amount of energy, I can concur boys are most definitely like dogs!

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