To disagree with MIL over this.

[cleoteacher]

Over the back Holliday weekend dh and I are going to stay the night at FILs house with dcs and we thought we would take the opportunity to go out for the evening just dh and I. Just for a meal and maybe a drink afterwards depending on now knackered we are.

Ds is two and a half so no problem there but dd is only 9 weeks. But she is an excellent sleeper and for the last month has gone down at 7 and slept until 4/5 o clock without fail.

MIL thinks it is too early to go out as dd is so young. Is she right?

I would not be leaving her if I wasn't confident she will do the same at FIL s house and we have told FIL that we will come straight back if she did wake as I don't think he would have a clue what to do with a baby if she did. We would take the Moses basket for her to sleep in and the monitor for him to listen to her with. She would sleep in a room with us so would be on her own until we went to bed.

It's not up to her if the baby is too young or not. That's up to you. Is she wary of looking after her if she wakes? If so she needs to say so and you can point out all your contingency plans but otherwise SIBU. Very.

Will it just be your FIL in law looking after them on his own OP? Does your MIL not live with him?

As a parent you sound confident that shes ready and thats absolutely fine, I think the issue is not the baby, but your FILs ability to look after her that your MIL is worried about? Thats what it sounded like to me.

as long as you are happy and FIL is happy then it's not really her business.

I'm assuming FIL is OK with it and you feel he can be trusted. So I don't think it's any of MIL's business. I assume you will go somewhere where you can get back quickly?

I think because he would have no clue what to do if the baby wakes, a meal is probably a bad idea. Only because it would be awkward to just up and run.

Why not compromise. Go for a drink and get a takeaway on the way home?

If your FIL was confident and experienced, I'd say your plan was fine.

Are you expecting them to babysit for you while you go out? Maybe she's worried about looking after such a small baby?

What does FiL say?

Nothing wrong with going out but I would want a better babysitter than someone who wouldn't know what to do if the baby woke.

I agree with Worra.

Does MIL live in the same house? Maybe she thinks it's rude to arrange to visit and then go out and leave the children so she's going at it from the too young angle.

If the baby sleeps so much then bring it with you.

I wouldn't leave two young children with my parents but my parents are older and would not be able for it.

Sorry it's confusing. it would just be FIL looking after the kids he divorced from MIL years ago but dh let it slip to MIL that we were staying the night with FIL

The resturant is 10 mins away. I did wonder about having a meal out but worse comes to the worse one of us could leave immediately and then the other waits to pay the bill etc. We would wait for both dcs to be asleep before we left as ds who is two is not used to sleeping in a bed, we are buying a bed guard and taking it with us, so want to make sure he isn't getting i out of bed. We have decided on a place where you don't need to book so not restricted to set times.

I was a little worried about the fact FIL is not experienced with babies but I do trust him. He's not so clueless that we wouldn't pick dd is she was distressed and try and jiggle her around and comfort her until we got back. I think it's extremely unlikely she would wake but guess it might be Sod's law if she did.

It's unclear from your post if your mother in law lives with your father in law?

If you're assuming that you'll go and stay with your in laws and will take yourselves off out for the evening and your in laws will babysit, but they haven't actually offered and aren't happy about it (as your post implies) then yabu. Stay in and talk to the people you've gone to stay with instead-they are not your skivvies.

If you're going to stay with your father in law and he has offered to babysit when you go out, but is separated from your mother in law, then yanbu and she is interfering.

Which is it?

I was on your side until I read the words 9 weeks. Are you that desperate to go out? I would not take the risk.

She's being ridiculous. You are 10 minutes away and I'm sure your FIL will be able to cope long enough to cover any time it might take you to get back if you were desperately needed. You aren't abandoning her you are popping out for a nice evening with your DP which is lovely.

Is it possible it's a bit of jealousy because you are staying at FILs.

Go, enjoy yourself and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Sorry-that took me so long to write, I missed your update.

If your father in law isn't that confident with babies then I wouldn't go out, no. Has he actually offered?

I would stay in and all have a takeaway and bottle of wine together instead. It might be a nice night out for you but be pretty stressful for him.

I think it's not her business given that she won't be looking after the baby!

9 weeks is fine to go out especially as you are only 10 minutes away. With my first dc I was back at work when he was that age. My mum had him and everything was fine.

Given your second post, I would go for it then OP.

If you have to leave the meal in the middle, make sure you ask for a doggy bag

We had a meal out when baby was 10 weeks, left her with my parents - she was absolutely fine. If your FIL is happy and has common sense, then that is all that matters!

Lullaby trust says this:
Place your baby to sleep in a separate cot or Moses basket in the same room as you for the first 6 months, even during the day. A large study of evidence from across Europe found that the risk of sudden infant death was significantly reduced when the infant slept in the same room, but not the same bed, as the parents.

Personally I'd leave baby downstairs with FIL not put it to bed alone for evening