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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother is a twat for turning down £250 a day?

94 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 29/04/2015 18:56

He's been out of work for 8 weeks (he's a contractor). Has been offered a 10 month contract at £250 a day but has turned it down because he 'didn't really fancy the role'. Meanwhile, his lovely wife is working extra hours whenever she can and I'm paying for my DNs' activities every week like karate, horse riding and dance classes. They're lovely kids so I said I could help short term but not so that he could turn down a job and lie on the fucking sofa all day. I'm so angry with him.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 29/04/2015 18:58

YANBU. Have you told him that your help is now off the table as he can afford to turn down that sort of money?

TwoOddSocks · 29/04/2015 18:59

errr YANBU. What a giant lazy bell end.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/04/2015 19:00

I think it would be fair to retract your very generous offer to pay for the kids activities. And as you said you would help in the short term, then you have done enough.

Please stop funding him.

WishUponAStar88 · 29/04/2015 19:00

If there's no more to it that this then yes he's being a twat for turning it down, are you sure there isn't more to it?

WishUponAStar88 · 29/04/2015 19:01

And yes I agree he shouldn't expect you to continue funding his kids if he isn't willing to get back into work.

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 29/04/2015 19:05

I wish there was more to it but he's just a lazy bastard. I've just found out that my SIL has taken a second job 4 evenings a week too. She is absolutely lovely and at the end of her tether so I want to help her and the kids but if I do then he will just make no effort at all. She totally understands why I can't pay any more. [sad . He says he's holding out for £300 ffs, how many people earn than much a DAY? I swear if our parents were alive they'd be utterly ashamed of him.

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 29/04/2015 19:07

What is his normal day rate and does the 10 month contract have a break clause that he can activate if he is offered something better?

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 29/04/2015 19:10

Normal day rate is £2-300 and he works on a weeks notice either way. But he's not earning anything just now and his wife is finishing work at 4.30 and back out at 7.00 for 4.5 hours in her second job.

OP posts:
Totality22 · 29/04/2015 19:12

Your SIL (and to a lesser extent yourself) have been enabling his behaviour.

SIL must quit her second job immediately and tell this lazy fucker to take the job or get out.

This is a complete and utter deal breaker in my book... unless there is a very compelling reason not to your lazy arse brother should be working.

ShadowFire · 29/04/2015 19:13

It's not one of these contracts where he has to go off to Dubai or Kazakhstan or some other far flung place is it? If it was that kind of thing I can understand someone being reluctant to be apart from their family for so long.

But I can definitely understand you being annoyed at him turning down work when you're essentially subsidizing his family's lifestyle, and I'd be reconsidering whether to continue helping them out.

oddfodd · 29/04/2015 19:14

I think twat is being kind. She should leave him.

He's an utter shit

YaTalkinToMe · 29/04/2015 19:25

If my brother was out of work and turned down any job even if massively below usual income and that choice effected any one other than him, I would think he was a twat.

ScorpioMermaid · 29/04/2015 19:29

Hes a knob.

nettlewine · 29/04/2015 19:30

Depends what the job is and if he's likley to get more soon?

My dh works in it and gets 500 a day, but this isn't really that much.

250 a day is like what 30k as a permie right after you take out holiday, no pension, no health, no paid sick etc ?

nettlewine · 29/04/2015 19:31

Tbh it just sounds like he needs to be better at saving for the lean times.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 29/04/2015 19:32

To turn down work while your other half works themselves into the ground with two jobs, and you take hand-outs from your family to enable your children to continue with the activities they enjoy is outrageous.

The only thing I can think of is that he's holding out for now, thinking that another £2k-a-day job will crop up soon which will benefit his family more. Could it be that by taking this job at a much lower rate, he feels he'll be damaging any potential opportunities for better-paid work? He must be good at what he does to merit that kind of money, and I'm guessing he's not bone idle, but it does seem highly suspicious that he's not leaping at the chance to earn money and make life easier for everyone bar himself.

MyOneandYoni · 29/04/2015 19:32

Has he really turned it down or is the refusal to take it some sort of weird penis-exaggerating negotiation deal?

DixieNormas · 29/04/2015 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blarblarblar · 29/04/2015 19:36

What a dick. I feel so angry for you and SIL when we were on our arse financially I took a job I didn't really want to help support us and DH did odd jobs etc in the eve when he finished his normal day job. It's what you do for the team. Horrible man.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 29/04/2015 19:39

I think he needs to be realistic. I understand that as a contractor you're only as good as your last job, so if you take a pay cut you can struggle to get an increase for the next role, but needs must - if you have a family life isn't always about your own choices. Your SIL should not be working two jobs nor should you be helping out. He's not impoverished, he's being picky.

Fluffy40 · 29/04/2015 19:40

Greedy sod. I get 65 quid a day, and I'm happy enough !

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 29/04/2015 19:41

He's never had £2k a day ears his rate was £2-300 a day previously. He's taken jobs for less before i just think he's enjoying doing fuck all. The job is 15 miles away so not a massive commute.

OP posts:
Sazzle41 · 29/04/2015 19:42

But he can afford to be picky because you and his wife are picking up the slack financially. You are both enabling him. His DP needs a serious think re what exactly is he bringing to the party, in fact, what has he ever bought to the party? And does she seriously think this is a long term partnership with a future when she is killing herself with long hours and he sits on his bum for the forseeable ???

Original poster
WilburIsSomePig · 29/04/2015 19:44

To be honest Sazzle I'm shocked by his behaviour as I was under the impression that he was beavering away desperate to find work. I actually felt sorry for him.

OP posts:
shewept · 29/04/2015 19:44

£250 a day is nowhere near 30k per annum. I am self employed if I earned £250 a day, I would be substantially better offer than I was on my 30k job. Or do I have my maths wrong.

He is a twat for turning down paid work, when his wife has got second job.

Why are you helping with the kids, if he isn't working?